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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708614">Discarded Dignity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilevixen/pseuds/fragilevixen'>fragilevixen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In the City that Never Sleeps [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Violence, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Law &amp; Order: SVU, Law Enforcement, Mystery, Original Character(s), Police, Police Procedural, Psychological Trauma, Thriller, aftermath of rape, casefic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:41:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>63,347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26708614</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilevixen/pseuds/fragilevixen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elora continues to gain much-needed confidence as a member of the Special Victims Unit but an arrival booked for trespassing, assaulting an officer, and disorderly throws her progress into chaos as her past jumps to the surface. Will she be able to look beyond the misstep to solve one of the most convoluted cases she’s faced?</p><p>“It may be a childish torment, but we do not get to choose our demons.” – Andrew Sean Greer</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amanda Rollins &amp; Original Character, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins, Olivia Benson &amp; Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson/Elliot Stabler, Original Character &amp; Cast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>In the City that Never Sleeps [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1870141</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Without Sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>dis·o·ri·ent<br/>/disˈôrēˌent/<br/>verb<br/>past tense: disoriented; past participle: disoriented<br/>make (someone) lose their sense of direction.<br/>"she was so disoriented that Joe had to walk her to her room"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note: Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story.</p><p>perfetto is perfect in Italian</p><p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p><p>Secondary Warning: Epilogue could be triggering due to the implication of a sexual assault.</p><p>Need help?<br/>Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.</p><p>How does it work?<br/>When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And those who were seen dancing</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Were thought to be insane</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By those who could not hear the music.</em>
</p><p>-Friedrich Nietzsche</p><p> </p><p>Sunday, November 10<sup>th</sup> 2019, 3:30 AM</p><p>Gramercy Park, E 20 Street, New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                The flutter of lashes matched the leaves in the trees as a sputter of wings met the stinging, blustering wind against her alabaster cheeks. The sky was opening up again and a singular streak of blue blurred across the sky before the thunder clapped. Tears had dried and the vomit had been washed away by an earlier downpour. The scent, though, hadn’t quite left as her muddled groan preceded the whimper while her belly did another somersault. A haze of amber light radiated from every corner, through the branches, casting shadows on the stone she’d been curled up against. It was just enough to startle the memories free, flashing them into her consciousness like a record skipping.</p><p>                Panic-inducing. Frenetic. Her heart raced.</p><p>                “Help…me,” Her hands moved but couldn’t quite make the motions as the dizziness melted together with searing pain from her shoulders to her toes.</p><p>                The ringing in her ears only increased as the thump of her heart moved like a snare with the beat of a bass. Her fingers sank into the dirt and gravel mixture, coiling around handfuls until the fear finally tipped the scales. She’d begun throwing it in every direction. It didn’t matter if nothing was there or if she were under the threat of attack. Her back pushed into the jagged edges of the base of the statue behind her as the white lights flickered into her face, darting across her pupils until the scream pulsed against the steady blare from her eardrums.</p><p>                “Ma’am, ma’am! We’re NYPD, stop throwing rocks!” Officer Drummond kept her gun holstered, the little pebbles striking her pressed blues at the chest and knees as the woman’s cries became increasingly frantic. “We’re not going to hurt you!”</p><p>                “We’re going to have to cuff her and take her in until she sleeps off the drink,” Officer Hawkins holstered his sidearm and wiped the dirt from his hip as he shoved the flashlight into his utility loop, gathering the cuffs from his pocket. “Can you get her or do you need an assist?”</p><p>                “Jesus, Hawkins, I don’t know. Do I look like I need a little help over here?” Drummond diverted the beam of light toward the ground as the disheveled, uncooperative brunette flailed and knocked the tactical light out of her grip, sending it flying. “Sonofabitch!”</p><p>                “Okay, okay, okay,” Hawkins had an inkling that he’d let it go on a touch too long as he met a face full of sopping wet, brown hair as their petite, yet strong, drunk was putting up a fight. “Jesus Christ, we have to get you out of the park, ma’am! You’re not supposed to be here.”</p><p>                “She doesn’t look homeless,” Drummond dodged a flailing fist and pinned the woman’s wrist behind her back, taking in a heavier than intended whiff of the scent of vomit and alcohol on her. “She smells like homelessness. Fuck.”</p><p>                “How the hell did she even get in here? You have to get a fucking key to get in,” Hawkins was muttering as he slapped his cuffs around her delicate wrists and watched as the red marks formed almost immediately from her struggling. “Fuck, stop moving!”</p><p>                Neither one of them would have even known that her eyes wouldn’t focus for long enough to make out the NYPD logo on their coats, let alone see beyond the glare against their badging. Her body had become a prison and the only means to see out had become clouded over. It made her even more anxious as she clamped both eyes shut and writhed, desperately moving her pinned limbs. As futile as the action was, her range of motion continued, and her barefoot met Hawkins’s shin as they got her to her feet. If she had been wearing shoes, it might’ve been worth getting pissed about, but it barely registered.</p><p>                Drummond, however, took an elbow to the lip and pinched her flesh against her teeth, tasting her blood and steadied the unreasonably intoxicated woman to a standing position. “Ma’am, you’re under arrest for drunk and disorderly—you’ll be additionally charged for assaulting a police officer for that nasty hit to my lip. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.”</p><p>                Hawkins went to pick up Drummond’s stray flashlight and her cap from a disturbed pile of dirt, his focus still half on his partner as he leaned down. He was looking for anything that would indicate who this firecracker of a woman was but she was absent identification, a coat, and her shoes. Everything was perfectly manicured. There was no way that she was homeless but something wasn’t right and she’d been out in the elements for hours. He was already on the radio, signaling for backup and a car, as he caught a glimpse of a jagged rip along the hemline of the dress below her fingertips.</p><p>                There was a suspicion that it was ripped on both sides as he elevated his flashlight.</p><p>                “Yo, Drummond, did you do that to her dress?” Hawkins directed the beam of light toward the bottom of the woman’s dress, the rip almost to her crotch as her knees dropped together. “Or did that happen when I got her on the ground?”</p><p>                “Hell if I know, Hawkins,” Drummond was too busy wrangling her by the biceps to notice the situation going on with her clothes as she started to pull her away from the statue. “Dude, her dress is in shreds…it isn’t a little rip.”</p><p>                Hawkins got on his radio, clicking onto the 13<sup>th</sup> precinct’s open channel. “Officer Hawkins to the one-three, Hawkins…to the one-three…”</p><p>                “Go ahead, Hawkins,” the officer at the other end of the radio held the squelch for a beat too long as Drummond and Hawkins glanced toward the gate.</p><p>                “Cancel transport to the one-three on the drunk and disorderly and contact Special Victims for an expedited transfer on a potential investigation, over?” Hawkins rolled his eyes as the woman was already shrinking in Drummond’s care, the weight of her own body giving in to gravity as the alcohol surged through her system.</p><p>                “You know you have to bring her in to do a quick book first, Hawkins,” the radio had a certain level of sarcasm through it, irritating Hawkins to no end as he shoved his light back into the utility loop. “Sending backup for transport.”</p><p>                “You really think she needs to go to Special Victims?” Drummond was still irritated by the bloody lip as she gave the woman a light shake to wake her up, nearly knocking her off balance in the process. “No falling asleep on me, honey…I’m not carrying you to a holding cell.”</p><p>                “Better than getting puked on for the next three hours,” Hawkins got a little too close to the matted mess that was her hair and nearly gagged as the smell hit him. “Jesus.”</p><p>                “Let’s get her to the gate so we can pray she doesn’t vomit on the way to get the paperwork done.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>5:45 AM</p><p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct, Special Victims Unit</p><p> </p><p>                “How long has she been like that?” Fin glanced at Elora as he entered the squad room, their Captain behind a closed door on a phone call that had gotten a little heated.</p><p>                “I got in fifteen minutes ago and she was already on the phone,” Elora elevated her eyebrows as she lifted her cup of water in the air, gesturing toward the door. “She saw me and lowered her voice—but it was getting pretty intense.”</p><p>                “Can you tell who she’s talking to?” Fin was ready for coffee as the grim-looking weather outside did nothing for the mood inside.</p><p>                “I didn’t know I needed to utilize the spying techniques that I used on my mother when I was a child on my boss so you could hear a little gossip,” Elora smirked and moved toward her desk, the length of her hair more visible as her ponytail swayed with every step. “I caught <em>why do you keep calling me</em> and<em> you have no fucking right</em> just before she lowered her voice.”</p><p>                Fin had several suspicions in his mind as he studied Olivia as she paced the floor before sinking into her chair, purposely diverting the back of it at the window. “I guess we’re fine as long as she doesn’t start throwing across the room.”</p><p>                “Hasn’t even been here a week and you’re already trying to scare her?” Amanda was a little haphazard as she came in and slid out of a wet coat, giving Fin a sideways glance. “Really, Fin?”</p><p>                “I’m not trying to scare Caruso,” Fin yawned from behind his brew and furrowed his brow as Amanda got settled into her desk. “We’re just examining what’s going on in there.”</p><p>               “Takes a lot more than listening to bits and pieces of my Captain’s hostile conversations first thing in the morning to scare me, yanno,” Elora leaned back after putting her cup of tea on the desk. “I’m tougher than that.”</p><p>                “Why are we all congregating with our coffees without the Captain?” Kat was the last to join the festivities as she came in, buttoned up in her NYPD coat with a mild shiver going. “Dare I ask?”</p><p>                “Liv has been in her office for a while and the phone call isn’t exactly sounding pleasant,” Elora had a tight smile behind her cup as Kat held the carafe to pour a cup.</p><p>                “Okay, okay, okay, while we’re on the topic of toughness…a test of your actual <em>grit</em> is choice of drink,” Fin was sitting at his desk adjacent to Elora, cutting through the laughter as Elora raised her arms above her head and stretched.</p><p>                “That is entirely dependent on the situation, Fin,” Elora smirked and crossed her legs, reclining in the chair until it squeaked and her knee was pressed against the underside of her desk.</p><p>                “Well, go on?” Fin coughed behind his coffee cup and furrowed his brow, rising to the occasion to challenge her. “Variety isn’t always the spice of life.”</p><p>                “Here we go,” Amanda rolled her eyes, drinking her coffee as she made eye contact with Elora and Kat. “Elora, don’t feed into any of Fin’s sage wisdom. You’ll never hear the end of it.”</p><p>                “The environment,” Elora feigned shock as her back went rigid and she scooted forward, angling her chair to start in on the story properly. “If I’m at one of those casual dives, I’ll reach for a beer, but if I go to a nicer establishment, I’m a bourbon kind of girl. When I’m putting that smooth operator attitude on…martini, really dirty, olives…<em>perfetto</em>.”</p><p>                “You’re worse than my old partner,” Fin wrinkled his nose and shook his head, coaxing a laugh in the process. “Like an old man in a woman’s body…”</p><p>                “Are you really telling me you’re not a wine drinker, Elora?” Amanda elevated an eyebrow as she elevated the carafe of coffee to refill her cup, half shocked at the choice in drinks. “Or is that just the typical choice?”</p><p>                “Wine is something I drink during dinner or at a family gathering but it isn’t my drink of choice if I want that alcohol sting,” Elora smirked as she reached for her cup of tea, continuing her pivoting in the chair as the chuckling subsided. “I have been picking the wine when I get the painter’s tape stuck along the baseboards and ruin a perfectly painted line…”</p><p>                “Remodeling?” Fin couldn’t help but be a little concerned over Olivia on her cell phone in her office as she did her best to hide the extent of the damage that the conversation was causing behind the pane of glass.</p><p>                “Restoration project on my inheritance,” Elora caught the look from Fin as she let out a laugh and shook her head while reaching for the cup of tea on her desk. “It’s not like that. My grandmother left an old penthouse that hadn’t been lived in since she died and it needed a lot of work. It looks like a child’s art project that I just so happen to sleep at.”</p><p>                “I’m pretty decent with a hammer and a paintbrush if you need backup,” Fin reached for a pile of paperwork in his inbox as he glanced down at the work in front of him.</p><p>                “Hey, yeah, we could turn that into a bonding experience and get to know you,” Amanda was mostly joking but the reaction she elicited was worth it as Elora choked on her tea.</p><p>                Elora wiped her mouth and mopped up the coffee from the top of her desk, grimacing at the idea while scooting backward. “I’m pretty sure you’re joking but the idea of all of us in my penthouse with hammers, paintbrushes, and beer just sounds like a recipe for a grown-up version of twenty questions aimed at the new girl.”</p><p>                “Ah, come on, Caruso,” Kat crossed her legs after perching on one of the spare desks, leaning against her palm with a cup of coffee in the other. “You have skeletons in your closet you don’t want us to find?”</p><p>                Elora tilted her head back, the length of her hair rolling across the chair in her ponytail as she smirked. “I mean, I’d have to move the bodies and they’re just <em>so</em> heavy.”</p><p>                The laughter was unified and loud as two officers in full blues and a fairly young woman in a pair of handcuffs without her shoes passed by the window at the arch. Amanda got up while the jovial moment softened and spines stiffened, capturing the attention of their visitors. Elora stood in an attempt to take a look at their faces as Amanda began to lead them into the main space of their squad room, the worn, almost battered look of the woman in cuffs evident as one of the officers followed a gesture toward the interrogation rooms. Elora took a step out from behind her desk and her heart nearly stopped as the other officers’ faces came into focus.</p><p>                “Just as I was thinking the night shift was winding down…” Officer Althea Drummond nudged her partner’s elbow, the grin a little excessive as Hawkins turned to make eye contact with Elora.</p><p>                “Detective Caruso, long time, no see,” Officer David Hawkins had a smug expression as he took his focus off of Amanda and continued into the squad room. “Found a landing spot, huh?”</p><p>                “David Hawkins, I see you managed to crawl out of Lieutenant Maxwell’s ass for long enough to venture outside of the precinct,” Elora hid her resentment with ripe sarcasm as she gritted her teeth and balled up her fist, frustrated with his nonchalant attitude in front of her new team. “Is Drummond still doing all of the work for you?”</p><p>                Officer Hawkins had a grin from ear-to-ear as he got just close enough to be too close, his tone changing as he aimed low with his retort. “Oh, you know how it goes…doing the real police work and watching each other’s backs as we should be. We miss our little pencil pusher.”</p><p>                “I’m sure you do,” Elora wanted to vomit as Kat crossed her arms behind her.</p><p>                Hawkins elevated his voice and invaded her personal space, breathing in her face while his head cocked to the side, just out of earshot of Drummond. “So, tell me, is there some prerequisite that you have to be a special victim to be <em>assigned</em> to the Special Victims Unit, or was that just a bonus for you, Elle?”</p><p>                Elora wanted to let it go but her gut met instinct as she took a swing, colliding with his jaw with just enough intensity that she knocked him backward in the process. “Mother fucking son of a bitch!”</p><p>                “I’ll have your badge for this, Caruso,” Hawkins cradled his jaw as Fin grasped Elora by the waist and spun her away from him. “You’re just a loose cannon, you crazy bitch.”</p><p>                “Settle down, settle down, settle down,” Fin’s voice was barely registering in Elora’s head as he kept his body between her and Hawkins. “He’s not worth it, Elora.”</p><p>                “For what?” Kat shrugged her shoulders as Fin did his best to siphon away some of Elora’s anger, the frustration in the air at a fever pitch. “We didn’t see shit. Just a sad ass wannabe traffic cop with an ax to grind, harassing an SVU Detective.”</p><p>                “My Lieutenant will have your ass and your boss’s ass in a fucking sling, Caruso,” Hawkins’s voice had carried, luring Olivia out of the office as the commotion had captured her attention.</p><p>                “What in the hell is going on out here?” Olivia was surveying the situation and could already see Elora favoring her right hand while the reddened bruising was already forming on the side of Hawkins’s face. “I’m assuming you’re from the one-three with the quick transfer?”</p><p>                “Yeah,” Hawkins was glaring at Elora but his answer was meant for Olivia as a couple of drops of blood trickled down his lip. “My partner and I brought her in…One of your other Detectives already took her to your lockup.”</p><p>                “Be careful, she takes swings,” Drummond was staring directly at Elora, sniping verbally at her despite the reference to the woman they’d brought in. “She’ll get her digs in.”</p><p>                “So, other than informing me of the potential for violence, there’s no reason for you two to be hanging around other than to sign the chain of custody forms, correct?” Olivia was pointed in her comment as she gestured toward the door before momentarily glancing at Elora. “Officer Hawkins, one of my team will make sure you get your paperwork done, and then you can be on your way.”</p><p>                “I’ll be bringing up the brutality from your crazy-ass Detective to my Lieutenant, Captain Benson,” Hawkins watched as Olivia gestured for Elora to go in her office.</p><p>                “Oh, I’m sure,” Olivia brushed him off and turned toward Elora completely, “Caruso, my office?”</p><p>                “Settle down, you’ll be fine,” Fin was in front of Elora as her eyes glassed over, the heat rising in her cheeks while she moved passed the threshold.</p><p>                Olivia slammed the door, a look on her face that Elora hadn’t seen before, her voice a little less than pleased as she brushed past her. “I don’t know what just happened, or why you think clocking one of your old colleagues is a great idea, but you better sit down and start talking.”</p><p>                “If you want me gone, I’ll go,” Elora cradled her sore fist and bent at the waist as she grimaced, reaching for the door with the uninjured left. “I’m not going to apologize for that. That rat bastard just got exactly what he deserved.”</p><p>                “Elora, park it,” Olivia gripped the edge of the desk and glared, her exasperation visible as both shoulders stayed square. “Now.”</p><p>                “What does it matter if you’re just going to suspend me?” Elora stood behind the extra chairs, wanting to walk away entirely. “I’m used to the letdown…there’s no reason to drag it out.”</p><p>                “Who said anything about a suspension?” Olivia’s shoulders slumped as she sat down, staring at Elora as her state of mind deviated from the calm and collected Detective that had been an asset to a hothead. “I want to know what he said to you. I need to know what I’m up against when Hawkins goes to report you to your old Lieutenant. Give me a little context and…the benefit of the doubt. I’m not like your former superiors; I can promise you that.”</p><p>                Elora fixated on the lacquer finish of Olivia’s desk as she sighed in resignation. “He asked me if it was a prerequisite to be a special victim to be <em>assigned</em> to the Special Victims Unit or if it was just a bonus for me…”</p><p>                “Did something happen at the one-three?” Olivia had a sinking feeling in her stomach as she breeched the subject, watching Elora fidget as her expression went blank, almost emotionless. “I wanted to give you the time to open up at your own pace but popping an old colleague in the eye might’ve taken that pace away. You’re going to have to open up to me at some point, Elora, and it might as well be now.”</p><p>                “I know I need to and no, it wasn’t there,” Elora rubbed her knuckles and bit the inside of her cheek as the rush of emotions hit. “It was something else.”</p><p>                “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me,” Olivia pushed another button in Elora’s psyche that clicked something into place as she listened to a sharp, exasperated inhale from her as she straightened her spine.</p><p>                “I was raped, okay?” Elora was favoring her right hand as she sank into the chair opposite Olivia’s desk, feeling the swelling creeping up her fingers. “Fuck…I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this and here I am, with bruised fingers and swollen knuckles because I let that pathetic dick bait me into an altercation.”</p><p>                Olivia’s jaw dropped as she went rigid in her char, palms finding the edge of the desk as she slid forward. “Elora, anything you say in this office is safe and no one in this squad will ever judge you for your past, do you understand that? I need that to be crystal clear, here and now.”</p><p>                “I don’t talk about it for a reason, Olivia,” Elora held her breath and buried the tears as she shut her eyes until stars appeared, soothing away the volatility. “The NYPD isn’t supposed to care about a history of trauma. I disclosed to an NYPD approved psychiatrist and they spent weeks making sure that I was psychologically sound to maintain my job. It shouldn’t have ever been brought up or become an issue to any superior.”</p><p>                “Was your history the reasoning for you being put on desk duty?” Olivia was horrified even asking as she pushed the box of tissues toward Elora, knowing that there was a chance of this opening a wound. “Elora…”</p><p>                “They took me out of the field because it was pulled from my jacket that my rapist was a cop,” Elora’s eyes lifted from the fabric of her pants, meeting the concerned stare of her new boss as the tears broke free, spilling down each cheek. “All of it is so fucked up.”</p><p>                “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Olivia knew it had the potential to destroy progress as Elora’s bottom lip quivered and the agony manifested in a trail of tears down her cheeks, taking mascara with it. “If you’re not ready to go there.”</p><p>                “No, I need to say it or it just becomes another nightmare that I live in,” Elora dabbed the tears, hoping to gather the last of her dignity as she glanced at the streaks of rain on the window and listened to the tapping as each droplet hit. “I was walking home like I always did, and he spotted me in the dark and used his shield to distract me long enough to use a nightstick to pin me against a brick wall. It took six months for all of my memory of that night to come trickling back. There are still details that I can’t fully remember. Violated twice…by a cop with a superiority complex and by the job.”</p><p>                “Jesus,” Olivia exhaled and leaned back, empathizing far more than she wanted to with Elora. “Is that why your file was partially sealed?”</p><p>                Elora nodded, hot tears stinging her waterline as she feverishly wiped the stray reminders of her emotions from her chin. “Even though I disclosed my history when I joined the academy, the fact I was still a minor kept it from being added into my jacket. It was only supposed to be clerical, for safety measures. It felt like I had at least one thing that I could look forward to. A blank slate. I’ve kept tabs on that man. He has been out for the last three years and the restraining order process has been horrendous.”</p><p>                “What role did Hawkins play in the information being disclosed to your Lieutenant?” Olivia recognized that look like one that had graced her own face in a mirror as she sighed softly.</p><p>                “Hawkins desperately wants to fast track and thinks that the only way to do it is by residing between Maxwell’s left and right asscheek,” Elora felt the bile rising in her throat as she said it out loud for the first time outside of her personal life. “He buddied up to someone in records and after that person was stupid enough to walk out of the room, he found my file—Hawkins copied the page from a disclosure statement in an un-redacted section.”</p><p>                “I’m assuming Drummond is in on it?” Olivia knew that kind of conflict deep in her heart as a thread weaving its way through her; Elora became real for the first time.</p><p>                “Oh, Althea is a lot of things but a tag-along isn’t one,” Elora cracked a smile as relief entered her belly, soothing away some of the lofty sadness. “They’re sleeping together. She’ll <em>always</em> protect everything he does even if it’s wrong because she’s got this screwed up concept of what she means to him.”</p><p>                “It’s <em>that</em> kind of partnership,” Olivia cringed and shook her head, rising from her seat to glance out at the squad room. “You don’t have to carry this alone anymore—even if you don’t tell anyone else what happened to you, you’ll never be alone as long as you’re here. They’re already more than willing to lie to protect you.”</p><p>                “I thought I’d lost that,” Elora couldn’t help but picture the sticky note with Wyatt’s handwriting on it as she looked at the floor and bit down on her lip. “Avery always had my six and I always had his.”</p><p>                Something broke as the words filtered through Olivia’s memory like a muzzle flash. She couldn’t help but see his face in the mist as the relevance of that statement cut her to her core. The cruel irony in being there for Elora was summoning a set of demons that Olivia thought she had laid, carefully, to rest. She couldn’t have been more wrong as the ache moved through her and dulled every sense, leaving behind a bitter sting of regret with the passing of time. Fuck, it had been too long.</p><p>                It still felt like the seconds had trickled by despite the collection of years.</p><p>                “I’m certain that I’ll be interfacing with Lieutenant Maxwell when Officer Hawkins finishes licking his wounds,” Olivia took in a deep breath and watched as Kat and Amanda moved toward the holding cell, matching expressions of doubt written on their faces. “Until then, we might want to go find out what kind of trouble your old frenemies dropped into our laps.”</p><p>                “Everything okay or do we need to take a little trip down to the one-three to have a bit of a discussion with a rude, little cop?” Amanda was the first to greet them as they opened the door, a serious look on her face as she moved her eyes between them.</p><p>                “If I didn’t have a laundry list of scruples to dismantle to be okay with you doing that…it would be everything to witness but, I can’t let you waste your time on it,” Elora shook her head as the smile widened and the control leveled off as her nerves settled.</p><p>                “Fin and Kat must be in holding talking to the transfer that was found in Gramercy Park?” Olivia needed to redirect Elora back into work mode and concentrate on anything but the enormous confession she had just made. “Have they gotten anything out of her?”</p><p>                “About that,” Amanda grimaced as she searched for the words to accurately describe the situation, shifting her weight back and forth between her left and right foot. “She passed out, regained consciousness, and then pinned herself in the corner of the cell. She looks like a deer in the headlights and has been refusing to talk.”</p><p>                “Why is she in holding?” Elora tilted her head to the side and furrowed her brows as her mind went to work on the fundamentals of the situation as they followed Amanda toward the cell. “I thought we were dealing with a potential victim?”</p><p>                “The one-three didn’t know what to do with her because of her condition so they brought her to us,” Olivia watched the shaking of her cocoon-like figure below the bench, her fingers coiled around the bars like a caged bird. “Non-verbal and hostile are tough enough and all I see is a frightened girl that has no idea how she got here.”</p><p>                “I’m going in there,” Elora started taking off her gear, removing all protection from the barefoot mess in the corner.</p><p>                “What are you doing?” Olivia’s motherly stance clashed with her Captain’s cap as a horrified expression passed over her face while Elora handed off her gear to Amanda.</p><p>                “I can’t go in there looking like a frightening Detective that’s just going to slap another set of cuffs on her,” Elora blinked and pushed another boundary as she motioned toward Fin while keeping her eyes in Olivia’s direction. “I need you to trust me the way I just put my trust in you, Captain.”</p><p>                It rattled Olivia to her core as Elora found the confidence to be vulnerable in front of everyone. Elora had slid under her skin and tapped into a nerve. It was buried in truth and there wasn’t any necessity in arguing with her. Elora was right. She had put every bit of her trust in Olivia and it was the moment that needed to come for that same faith to be reciprocated. The determination was undeniable and raw as she nodded and gave the signal to a waiting Fin to open the door.</p><p>                “We’re here if anything goes south,” Fin held the edge of the door open and ushered her in, mutual respect passing as she went into the space.</p><p>                The loud clanging of iron against iron made the woman on the floor hug the bars a little tighter, the whimper muffled as she buried her face against her arms. Elora had her work cut out for her even as the evidence was clear that this poor woman had gone through hell. Elora could see beyond the dried vomit in her hair and the tear slicked cheeks. Her knees were scraped up, the dress was ripped apart from the thigh down, one strap was hanging on by a literal thread, and she had grip bruising across her neck, chest, and wrists. She had a story to tell if she’d only speak them.</p><p>                Elora hunched down, almost to a squat, and held onto the edge of the bench for balance as she locked eyes with the young woman. “Hey, I know you’re scared but do you think we could talk? I’d like to find out your name and figure out why you’re here.”</p><p>                Elora was met with silence and a weak whine from parted lips that didn’t seem to know what do to with them. The sound was hollow and meek; unintelligible. Elora’s shoulder’s slumped but the refusal to give up kicked in as the state of the woman’s dress kept nagging at her, announcing her victimhood better than any words could. Battery aside, she survived whatever had gotten her to this point and Elora wanted her to know she was safe. There must’ve been some way of getting that point across without startling her.</p><p>                “I have a feeling this is going to backfire but, let’s give it a go,” Elora made a move and slid forward on her toes, nearly enough to get within a fingertip of the girl.</p><p>                The danger was perceived, though, as the girl wildly gave a shove to Elora’s right shoulder and knocked her on her backside. The cocoon was abandoned as she shrieked maneuvered to the opposite side, evading any chance of recovery from Elora. It was more embarrassing than anything as Elora grunted and recovered to a kneeling stance. Being bested by someone significantly smaller is never a pleasant thought but it set into motion the ability to see the entirety of her face as she took the high ground and got up on the bench. The key rattled in the lock but Elora held up a hand and shook her head as she regained balance in the middle of the cage.</p><p>                “Don’t,” The woman’s voice was hollow, and the consonant sounds were dulled, giving Elora more than enough to begin to connect the dots.</p><p>                Elora perched on her knees and brought a finger close to her ear, arching down toward her mouth in slow motion as the word came out like a question. “Deaf?”</p><p>                The details began to click as the young woman wept, elevated her fist, and dipped it repeatedly as though it were the nodding of her head. For the first time, her knuckles weren’t white as she softened against the gap in the bars. There was relief written on her face as she continued to nod as her hands folded against her thighs while the sobs quietly continued. It wasn’t so much that Elora had unraveled a great mystery but that she was able to discover it so quickly that had been shocking. Elora covered her mouth and let the gasp rattle against her palm as she turned her entire body toward Olivia as she had a similar stance outside the holding cell.</p><p>                “How did you even know to ask?” Olivia was still in disbelief as she watched Elora wipe a stray tear.</p><p>                “Her voice…The sound was too familiar and I had to try.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quotes by:<br/>Andrew Sean Greer<br/>Friedrich Nietzsche</p><p>The timing on this one might be weird so bear with me. Please prepare for a longer case as well...The return will make things...difficult.</p><p>I hope, as always, comments and kudos are always appreciated and  100% remind me that this is a battle worth fighting. Yes, there are plenty of days that I wonder.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Echo Chamber</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Elora faces down her haunting past as a victim struggles to cope through the horror of the proceeding rape kit, triggering another complication for SVU’s newest team member. Will she overcome or fade into the shadows?</p><p>That deep silence has a melody of its own, a sweetness unknown amid the harsh discords of the world’s sounds. – Paul Brunton</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Also, Mercy General’s address is 100% real but it’s a fictitious location(leads to a completely different landmark and the hospital is non-existent).<br/>anx·i·e·ty /aNGˈzīədē/ a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.<br/>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p><p>Secondary Warning: Please note that this chapter contains a fairly accurate description/account of one type of rape kit.<br/>Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.<br/>How does it work?</p><p>When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Silence isn’t empty</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s full of answers.</em>
</p><p>-Unknown</p><p> </p><p>6:40 AM</p><p> </p><p>                “I’m really out of my element in there,” Elora stood outside of the lockup door and rubbed the bridge of her nose, glancing back at those timid, lost eyes for only a moment. “The more frantic she gets, the faster she signs…and the harder it is for me to understand her. I was able to piece together a name out of her. Barbara Frazier.”</p><p>                Olivia peered over Elora’s shoulder at the shrinking mess that Barbara had become, her tone soft and concerned as she directed her comment toward Fin and Kat. “See about getting her a blanket and something hot to drink. It might assist in calming her down.”</p><p>                “Liv,” Elora cleared her throat, turned her back to Barbara, and made certain she couldn’t have her lips read before speaking. “She has blood on her inner thighs and I need another method of getting her out of here and to a hospital for a rape kit.”</p><p>                “I know this might sound like a redundant question but how in the hell did Hawkins and Drummond miss that?” Olivia was exasperated as Fin and Kat were already headed off to the cribs to get blankets, the frustration climbing. “They had her for an hour before they got her here…and the longer she sits, the harder it’s going to be.”</p><p>                “I hate giving them any kind of understanding or sympathy but, they may not have seen the blood the first time around,” Elora could feel that recurrence of pain as she recollected her trauma to describe it to her boss. “It rained pretty heavily overnight and this is fresh…bright red. It isn’t dry.”</p><p>                “She’s still bleeding,” Olivia palmed her mouth and closed her eyes to absorb the information. “So, our window is even smaller than it was before.”</p><p>                “If it’s what I think it is,” Elora wanted to throw up as she glanced at Barbara’s face against the bars, her coloration pale as the exhaustion set in. “I don’t know how much blood she’s already lost…and it’s screaming that she’s not clotting.”</p><p>                Elora started to turn and Olivia gripped her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. “Are you making that guess based on—”</p><p>                “Yeah,” Elora didn’t need to let her finish with the question as she nodded, somberly backing through the doorway. “I won’t let her go through it like that…if it’s the situation.”</p><p>                “Caruso, what do you need?” Amanda felt a little helpless as her partner was going back into the holding cell for the second time with more questions than answers. “You know you can rely on me.”</p><p>                Elora tucked a stray hair behind her ear and pressed her lips together as she turned her chin toward Amanda. “Will you run Barbara Frazier through any known database? I’d like to know if anyone is looking for her.”</p><p>                “I’ve got your back, partner,” Amanda nodded and watched as a complicated layer in Elora’s demeanor began to bloom.</p><p>                There would be time to ask, but it wouldn’t be now. It wasn’t the right time and Amanda knew it. They still had a long way to go on that communication gap but it was a step in the right direction as Amanda nudged Elora once before moving back toward the center of the squad room. Ordinarily, it might’ve looked forced or contrived but Amanda was trying, genuinely, to form some kind of bond with her teammate and the wall that had begun to burst up was making it difficult to do so. It hadn’t gone unnoticed, though, as Olivia contemplated the potential for an unintended rift simply by not speaking to one another.</p><p>                There was more at stake than the crumbling of a team, though, as a victim waged a battle with her waking nightmare, in silence.</p><p>                Elora was rusty on her American Sign Language but she knew how to communicate with the basics as she began to muddle her way through an <em>I</em> <em>need to know what happened to you</em> followed by an <em>I know you are scared</em>. Her hand motions weren’t the greatest but Barbara seemed to know what she was trying to convey as she sat up a little straighter and pushed her legs together as much as they’d go. The fear was still there as her bright, wide eyes burned holes through Elora before staring at the remnants of her dress. She fiddled with the ripped strips of sequined edges before signing <em>I don’t know</em> as a general, repetitive response. Her hands were shaking and that’s where the lie began.</p><p>                Elora continued to sign, talking as she did it while becoming increasingly softer with her demeanor as she began to self-identify with Barbara. “I know you’re scared. The blood on you worries me. I need to take you to a hospital and get you checked out.”</p><p>                Barbara had a lost look on her face and an even further away one in her eyes as her motions became slower, less interested, but still intent on conveying the same message. <em>It doesn’t matter</em>, she motioned three times. Someone had taken away her dignity. Elora could see it deep beneath the layers of dirt and along with the streaks of mascara down her face. It was even worse to know that she’d been discarded in that park as though she was nothing more than trash to forget about.</p><p>                “Elora, sign to her that she matters,” Olivia had been carefully watching the interaction and knew how she’d handle a verbal situation like this one as she stood in the open doorway, the guiding words like a light in the dark. “Even if you pose it as though it’s all of us that she matters to…there’s people that care about her.”</p><p>                “You <em>know</em> you are loved,” Elora had her own way of conveying that sentiment as she began signing it, uttering it so that Olivia could hear the words and for Barbara if she needed to read her lips. “We care about what happens to you. We want to put the man that did this in a cage for a long time. Help me.”</p><p>                Barbara was still in denial but Elora had worked her way beneath the surface and tapped into her soul. She exhaled slowly and signed <em>I don’t want to be alone</em> before wiping the fresh tears from her cheeks. Elora shook her head and motioned the words <em>you won’t be</em> as she got back to her feet. Barbara scrutinized her for an agonizing moment as Fin and Kat came back with a blanket and hot tea. Barbara had qualms and the agony went beyond the reaches of trauma as she reached for Elora’s outstretched hand, rising from the cold bench to accept her help. She felt safe for the first time since waking up in the park.</p><p>                “We need a bus to Mercy General,” Olivia watched as Elora wrapped the blanket around Barbara’s shoulders and led her out of the cage, symbolically freeing more than a victim with communication issues. “Kat, go take over for Amanda so she can go with Elora and Barbara.”</p><p>                “You got it, Captain,” Kat made her way to Amanda’s desk and stopped her as she started the search on a second database. “Hey, Rollins, Liv wants you and  Caruso to go with Barbara to Mercy General. I’ll keep looking for next of kin or contacts.”</p><p>                “Elora got her to open up?” Amanda stopped typing and looked up at her as she slid backward in her chair, a shocked expression washing over her as she rolled backward. “That’s…really fantastic. I was beginning to think she was off her game today.”</p><p>                “I don’t think she’s off her game but I think she opened up to Liv about why she punched that little asshole from her former precinct,” Kat took her spot in the chair and glanced up only once to shrug her shoulder before continuing. “Not everyone wants to air their dirty laundry in the first week and she earned a couple of points taking that guy down a notch.”</p><p>                “You’re probably right but I can’t help wondering if she’s ever going to put any of that trust in her partner,” Amanda slid her phone into her hip pocket and put her jacket on before running a couple of fingers through her hair. “That’s all.”</p><p>                “She trusts you with her life,” Kat didn’t always have the most profound moments of wisdom but this was one as she tapped away at the keyboard. “Kinda go easy on her for the personal shit…for a while.”</p><p>                Amanda didn’t need to say anything to agree with the comment. She hadn’t considered it and a wave of guilt passed as she carried Elora’s badge, gun, and her spare clip back toward the cage. Elora didn’t owe her a long conversation. She didn’t owe any of them an unload of the compartmentalized pieces of her past, either. Amanda just wanted another reason not to see her as a threat. She wanted to see her as more than the woman that Carisi was flirting with as though it meant nothing.</p><p>                “ETA on the bus is just over two minutes,” Fin hung up the phone and kept his distance from Barbara as she flinched over his footfalls.</p><p>                “It’s okay, Fin, it’s your shoes,” Elora assured him as she kept her arm around Barbara, noticing the thick tapping of his toes and heels along the linoleum. “The vibrations are intense on her feet.”</p><p>                 “How do you know all this stuff?” Fin moved his line of sight in Amanda’s direction as she came in carrying Elora’s gear.</p><p>                “I had a friend who was fully deaf and had to learn the basics along the way,” Elora signed to Barbara that Amanda would be joining them as she gathered her gear while her partner’s second set of hands came at the right time. “She’s getting weaker.”</p><p>                “She doesn’t have far to go,” Amanda nodded toward the doorway as the gurney was pushed into the room. “We’ll make sure she’s comfortable.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>7:30 AM</p><p>Mercy General Hospital</p><p>365 W 32<sup>nd</sup> Street, New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                Barbara didn’t want to be alone. The sterile, hectic world of the hospital had her clinging to the dulled reality that seemed to keep a firm grasp on her even as clarity took over. Elora continued to translate while Amanda naturally acted as a source of needed strength. Barbara’s blood pressure was low while her pulse was skyrocketing. It had the on-call nurse concerned as she pushed for a saline drip. The long-winded medical talk had to be reduced down to the bare minimum for it to make sense as Elora struggled to sign the urgency. The last thing she needed was to pick Barbara up off the floor after crumbling in a heap from lack of fluids.</p><p>                Elora let out a relieved sigh as her piss-poor translation seemed to do the trick as Barbara nodded despite the fear burrowed in her belly. “She understands.”</p><p>                “I’m assuming you’re going in with her?” Amanda gave a modest nudge to Elora’s elbow and captured her attention for a long moment.</p><p>                “I don’t have much of a choice,” Elora nodded as Barbara kept a firm grasp on her hand as the on-call administered the IV and gave a couple of generous squeezes to the saline drip before clipping it to the stand next to the gurney. “I’m not letting her go in there alone when communication isn’t exactly easy.”</p><p>                “I’ll be out here if you need anything,” Amanda nodded, doing her best to be the resilient force that Elora desperately needed as the stress was visible on her face.</p><p>                Elora held a breath and exhaled quickly, tilting her head to the side. “Mentally send all of your strength because I’m going to need every bit of it.”</p><p>                “I don’t think you need it,” Amanda was already in the doorway as the medical staff started setting up a privacy divider, moving around her as though she weren’t even there.</p><p>                “Remind me to tell you later why that’s a lie,” Elora waited until the door closed to turn her torso fully toward Barbara as the instrument table was set up and the elements of a rape kit began to unfold before their eyes.</p><p>                Barbara signed <em>I’m scared</em> at Elora as the on-call nurse shifted the divider into place making it as private as possible, stopping only to give a reassuring nod in their direction. Elora was all too familiar with the process and the bile was already rising as she tilted her chin to look. She wouldn’t wish this on anyone, let alone recollect it next to a victim. She had to be professional; even if it were a well-constructed façade to save face as she felt every muscle tense. Elora squeezed Barbara’s hand as she tore her eyes away from the various items as they were carefully prepared for ease of access.</p><p>                “I’m right here,” Elora signed, pleasantly happy that Barbara really couldn’t hear the change in her voice as it cracked unceremoniously before she continued. “I’ll be here every step of the way.”</p><p>                “Detective, let her know that I’ll be collecting her dress, underwear, and the blanket that you brought her in,” Doctor Hall had already put on gloves and was moving the rolling tray into position as Elora squeezed Barbara’s hand.</p><p>                Every phrase had to be constructed and carefully planned as Elora squinted, her mannerisms conveying a heavy level of anxiety as she moved her digits, hands, and arms like a series of unfinished poetry. Barbara nodded and squeezed her fingers along the paper-lined exam table as she scooted down, teetering on the edge until her knees were propped high, exposing the last shreds of dignity to the air. Elora nodded and pressed a hand to Barbara’s shoulder as Doctor Hall’s motions were fluid, immaculately delicate, and shockingly precise. She took great care in navigating through the first set of swabs even as Barbara gritted her teeth and focused her breath. Inflicting pain was the last thing on the Practitioner’s mind as she notched the first sections of the checklist off and discarded her facial mask.</p><p>                “How bad was the bleeding, Doctor Hall?” Elora couldn’t help but ask, for safety and sanity alike as the continued emptying of the bag of saline into Barbara’s veins only increased.</p><p>                “There were lesions that needed a little assistance but I took care of everything,” Doctor Hall was still cleaning up an area as she adjusted the thin paper covering over Barbara’s thighs, squinting from her stool. “It was wise to bring her in when you did.”</p><p>                “Everything will be okay?” Elora could smell the medical-grade antiseptic and watched as Barbara’s face contorted from a final application to clean her up.</p><p>                “She needs to heal, Detective, but she will be okay—no permanent damage. I’ve taken the first swabs, wipes, and samples for external and internal,” Doctor Hall had gotten the worst part out of the way as Elora signed and inhaled her emotional imbalance as Barbara sat back up. “I need to take photos of all marks and take test samples of particulates under the nails as well as comb through her hair.”</p><p>                <em>I know this part.</em></p><p>                Elora had a flash of her younger self slip into her consciousness as Barbara’s fingers tightened around her wrist. A vivid image of her mother at her side nearly choked her; the sound of her voice as she desperately talked her down from a deluge of emotions after the final swab had left her body. Insult to injury. Virtue and morality were all but gone. There hadn’t been more than a moment of recovery as the droplets of crimson seeped from every open wound and soaked through every layer of her clothing. She’d give anything to forget.</p><p>                Elora felt the panic rising as she inhaled a breath and blinked, regaining her focus with Barbara and the Doctor as her deer-in-the-headlights expression amplified. “What?”</p><p>                “I said, your partner brought a change of clothes for her,” Doctor Hall indicated a paper bag near the edge of one counter as Elora guided Barbara to a standing position, the remnants of the dress hanging in sections. “We’ll go ahead and collect the dress while we’re at it.”</p><p>                “I’m right here,” Elora said it out loud as she felt Barbara’s grip tighten around her arm, her mouth enunciating carefully enough until she received a gentle, knowing nod. “You’re not alone.”</p><p>                The nurse was needed for the second part as the paper bag was opened and gloved hands helped to shed the dirty, blood-stained dress that was barely holding onto Barbara’s shoulders. The shedding of that layer revealed more than a battered body as the first set of teeth marks illuminated along the curve of Barbara’s breasts. Doctor Hall swabbed carefully across the spot before taking several photographs of the spot. Elora helped her to extend each arm out to do the same with the bruising on her arms, repeating the same action across her stomach and back as the bruising deepened with every passing minute. None of it was easy but Barbara’s distant look told so much more than a story as Doctor Hall held a baggie to catch the particulates from beneath her fingernails.</p><p>                “You’re doing so good,” Elora knew it was wearing her down as the tears were streaming down Barbara’s face, the dark lines deepening as mascara continued to drag down toward her chin. “You are nearly done, honey.”</p><p>                “Detective, you might want to look at this,” Doctor Hall was behind Barbara after dragging a fine-toothed comb through her tangled locks for tiny bits of evidence to collect, the hair pushed off to one side with her back fully exposed.</p><p>                “It’s fine, you’re going to be fine,” Elora reassured Barbara before maneuvering carefully next to Doctor Hall, the horror taking over as the gashes across her skin came into focus. “It looks like a fucking inkblot.”</p><p>                “I need to get some of the embedded gravel and dirt out. I don’t think it’s from the park,” Doctor Hall let Elora move back to the front of Barbara, where she gathered her hands and took a deep breath. “Tell her she needs to hold on…it might hurt.”</p><p>                “You have marks on your back and we have to get the pieces of concrete out. You just squeeze my hands and breathe,” Elora kept her focused, kept her breathing, and heard the telltale inhale as the tweezing began.</p><p>                Elora wanted to tell her that the nightmare was finally over. That there was nothing left to fear. It would’ve been a twisting of the truth as the first step was leaping into an unknown, to fight for a certain kind of justice. The second step, one that Elora knew all too well was the hardest, was that she’d have to remember the gruesome details and face down the demon that took away something precious. A whimper left Barbara’s lips as Elora’s knees struggled to hold her weight. Deep down, she knew that the day would come that someone else’s pain would force her to relive the worst aspects of her own.</p><p>                She just didn’t know if it was going to break her or if she’d rise stronger as a Phoenix with singed wings.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>8:45 AM</p><p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct, Special Victims Unit</p><p>New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                “Barbara’s friend, Julia Burton, is on her way down to be here when Rollins and Caruso are back from Mercy General after they finish up with the rape kit,” Kat set the receiver back on the block and checked her phone as she lifted her head to glance over at Fin as he looked through photos of the crime scene. “Any luck with the crime scene photos?”</p><p>                “Narrowing down the thousands, upon thousands, of prints belonging to the random that have touched the gates is going to be impossible. I don’t know why CSU even bothered with it,” Fin was irritated, angry even, as he let the photos fall onto the desk in a strewn pile of unknowns without so much as an answer to put together. “We have a list of people who are current key holders but most of these people are elitists or famous, so questioning them immediately would be tenuous, at best. It’s all a mess.”</p><p>                “How about the spot at the statue where Hawkins and Drummond found Barbara?” Kat stood and hovered next to him, moving the pile until she found the pictures that matched what she was asking about. “Those.”</p><p>                “Drag marks, blood, a whole lot of vomit,” Tutuola grasped the bridge of his nose and groaned, doing his best to cloister a budding headache as he gave a weak nod. “The rain did a number on the particulates but the techs sent everything over for testing.”</p><p>                “Might come up with something on that vomit,” Kat was finding her footing as she rooted through the work and leveled off his frustrations as she gathered the checklist from in front of him. “Let me get an update on the chemical analysis, at least.”</p><p>                “Yeah, sure,” Fin reached for his cup of coffee as he looked over at Olivia as she had an in-depth discussion with Carisi in her office. “It’s just looking like a lot of nothing an even bigger pile of nowhere.”</p><p>                “Well, it’ll get dealt with, one way or another,” Kat was talking as she continued out the door.</p><p>                “Whatever you say,” Fin muttered into the atmosphere and pushed the paperwork into an organized pile of chaos, cracking his neck as he tilted his head to one side.</p><p>                “Sergeant Tutuola?” Officer Meadows cleared his throat as he interrupted, his baby face providing a necessary distraction as his chin snapped to attention to see two, young girls with dark hair and dark eyes at his flank. “I hate to interrupt but…”</p><p>                “It’s not a problem,” Fin forced a smile as their doe eyes were looking everywhere but at him, absorbing far more than they should. “Who might these young ladies be?”</p><p>                “They were told that Caruso would be here but I couldn’t find her,” Meadows wouldn’t have known who they were even as Fin approached and knelt in front of the smaller of the two.</p><p>                “You must be Adeline,” Fin cajoled a toothy smile out of her and a little nod before turning toward the taller, less interested as she stared at the clock on the wall. “And you…you must be Elizabeth.”</p><p>                Elizabeth had a little bit of an attitude but it was fear-based as she furrowed her brow and dropped her backpack on the floor, the patience all but gone. “Our aunt Elora is supposed to be here. We’re not allowed to talk to strangers...you’re a stranger.”</p><p>                The girls shared very little of Elora’s features aside from the dark hair and the gentle porcelain finish of their faces. Their heritage seemed to lean more heavily toward an Italian distinction, with the more olive tones in their skin pronounced along with the flecks of amber and hazelnut of their doll-like eyes and equally over-pronounced lashes. The curls were loose, messy, and in need of a comb, but they weren’t disheveled by any stretch of the imagination; they’d just been walking through the wind and needed a little tidying up. They were older than the photograph resting on Elora’s desk but Fin was good at remembering names, even in passing conversation. It was almost as though Elora’s personality had carefully split down the middle and been divided up for two even though he knew they weren’t her daughters.</p><p>                “Lizzie, don’t be rude or I’m gonna tell aunty Elle on you,” Adeline was quiet but adamant as she leaned forward and glared at her older sister, sticking her tongue out in the process.</p><p>                “Shut up, Addy,” Elizabeth shot a dirty look toward her sister and crossed her arms indignantly, her pleated skirt resting at the knee as she tapped her foot on the floor.</p><p>                “Meadows, you can go back to what you were doing, I’ve got it from here,” Fin glanced at Meadows as he fidgeted, sending the rookie off to work on something else as he continued talking to Elora’s nieces. “I know that you ladies don’t know me but your aunt mentioned your names a few times. My name is Fin and I’m your aunt Elora’s Sergeant. She had to go take care of a few things and probably just forgot that you two were coming.”</p><p>                “Does that mean you’re her <em>boss</em>?” Adeline was far more curious than Elizabeth and her entire demeanor was a little sweeter as her eyes bulged with fascination, a mild whistle breezing through the gaps in her teeth. “That’s so neat. Do you have a different badge, too?”</p><p>                “Well, of course, I have a different badge, though. I’m a supervisor but her boss is that lady in that office,” Fin gestured toward Olivia’s office as she started to notice the extra movement outside, the concern visible as she peered through the window.</p><p>                “The next time that peachy little Lou from the one-six wants to call and give me attitude, have Meadows give him the run-around before he’s transferred to me,” Olivia craned her neck toward the hall, calling after one of the Uniformed officers as they carried a stack of paperwork toward the elevator.</p><p>                “Liv?” Fin smirked and leaned just a touch to capture her attention.</p><p>                “Oh, hmm,” Olivia had an odd expression written across her face as she made eye contact with Fin while Carisi followed. “What do we have going on out here?”</p><p>                “<em>She’s</em> the boss?” Adeline had everyone tickled with the random outburst as Fin stood and stifled his laugh. “Wow.”</p><p>                “Olivia, these are Caruso’s nieces, Adeline and Elizabeth,” Fin had to overhaul his mood as he smirked and rapidly blinked, the impressionable ears between becoming more than a little problematic. “They were waiting for her—She must’ve forgotten they were supposed to be here?”</p><p>                “Oh,” Olivia scrambled for the words and watched as their faces became a little forlorn as they looked around for their aunt. “Oh, oh, yes…she didn’t forget about you. Your aunt had to go take care of a few things for work but she’ll be back in a bit. Let’s get you both set up in the lounge where it’s cozy until she’s here, okay?”</p><p>                “What do you ladies say about making it interesting and sending Officer Meadows to go out for donuts? Sound good?” Carisi just had a gift for ad-libbing with kids as his high energy became infectious for both girls as he led the way toward the lounge, offering his hands as though it were second-nature. “I mean, you’re allowed to have donuts, right?”</p><p>                “Yeah,” The answer was unified as they wrapped their fingers around his, trapesing away from Olivia. “Can we have sprinkles?”</p><p>                “Sprinkles? I mean isn’t that the only way to eat a donut?” Carisi turned his head, adoring the giggling as they went around the corner. “We’ll get the kind with pink frosting, too. Those are my favorite.”</p><p>                “Thanks, Carisi,” Olivia had her phone out the second they were out of sight, dialing Elora’s number as she paced the floor in front of Fin. “I don’t think they were supposed to be here.”</p><p>                “Caruso doesn’t seem like she’d forget about them, even in the heat of the moment,” Fin shook his head and watched Olivia’s body language.</p><p>                “Hey, Liv, what’s going on?” Elora sounded exhausted, the bustle of the hospital in the background as she kept talking. “Barbara is nearly finished up here—just checking a few more things before discharging her.”</p><p>                “I wasn’t calling for a status check,” Olivia stayed standing in front of Fin, her hand across her forehead as she squinted and exhaled slowly. “Were you expecting your nieces?”</p><p>                “Wait, what?” Elora was confused and Amanda’s voice was in the background muttering something just out of earshot. “My nieces are there? I wasn’t expecting them at all. Shit…Are they okay?”</p><p>                “They’re fine—Carisi is about to wind them up with donuts but they seemed to be under the impression that you were supposed to be here,” Olivia put her hand across the phone and made eye contact with Fin. “She didn’t know they were going to be here.”</p><p>                “How in the fuck?” Fin elevated his brow and turned his head to make sure Carisi was still out of sight.</p><p>                “Liv, oh my God,” Elora’s voice climbed, the worry evident even as Olivia adjusted the phone against her ear. “I’ll call their father right now and I’ll get there immediately.”</p><p>                “They’ll be okay with Carisi if you need to be there for Barbara,” Olivia could hear more than concern in Elora’s voice as she paced the floor and looked over at Fin for a moment, a single brow lifting as she continued. “Sounds like things aren’t finished up over there?”</p><p>                “Barbara did well with the rape kit. I stayed with her and Amanda went to find her some clothes to change into but it got a little messy when Doctor Hall found gashes across her back,” Elora sighed, the sound passing through the phone like static against Olivia’s cheek. “Doctor Hall doesn’t think that the rape happened in the park but we’ll be able to pin down if it’s gravel or pieces of brick.”</p><p>                “What are your suspicions?” Olivia already knew Doctor Hall’s mind when it came to rape cases but she needed Elora’s unique insight as she heard a sharp inhale and a hum over the background noise.</p><p>                “Brick,” Elora let out another exhale and continued. “I’d be willing to put money on it that it came from the side of a building…in an alley.”</p><p>                Olivia could already hear the hesitation in Elora’s tone as she took a couple of steps away from Fin, respecting the mutual understanding they’d already had. “Elora?”</p><p>                “Yeah?” The questioning affirmation was far away in more ways than one as Olivia’s eyes slowly blinked.</p><p>                Olivia’s chest heaved as she leaned against the doorframe to her office, lowering her voice. “Are you going to be able to handle this case or do you need me to swap Kat in?”</p><p>                “No,” There was a pregnant pause as Elora’s voice softened even further. “I need to face this monster in the closet.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quotes By:<br/>Paul Brunton<br/>Unknown</p><p>As always, your comments and feedback are always appreciated. This fic has been such an endeavor. I hope that the journey is worth every moment.</p><p>To my girls in the writing group (and to Cate), the support saves me every time. I don’t know what I’d do without you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Et Reditus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Elora struggles to keep her work life and her private life balanced as her stepbrother throws a wrench into the chaos while Olivia faces a part of her past that she had once thought of as nothing more than a ghost.</p>
<p>“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” – Carl Jung</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Et Reditus is “The Return” in Latin</p>
<p>Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Also, Mercy General’s address is 100% real but it’s a fictitious location(leads to a completely different landmark and the hospital is non-existent).</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Secondary Warning: Epilogue could be triggering due to the implication of a sexual assault. <br/>Need help?<br/>Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.<br/>How does it work?<br/>When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>What if</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The one</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That got away</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Came back?</em>
</p>
<p>-Unknown</p>
<p> </p>
<p>9:30 AM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora and Amanda hadn’t returned from Mercy General Hospital with Barbara but a squad car had already departed once the all-clear had been given. It wouldn’t be long before they’d be back. It wouldn’t be long before the second part of the arduous process began, to start unfurling the night’s events, and fill in the gaps until they could name suspects. The clock was ticking and Olivia’s patience was waning even as the pleasant sound of occasional laughter from the lounge pulled her focus from the fresh paperwork in front of her. Carisi was certainly enchanting Elora’s nieces even though Olivia had a suspicion it had more to do with the ample amount of sugar now pumping through their veins.</p>
<p>                Olivia’s cell phone vibrating across the desk drew her attention and the look of complete frustration passed over her as she held it to her ear. “Are you going for a record for the number of calls in a week before I finally snap and go completely off the handle at you? Or are you enjoying the drama that you’re causing?”</p>
<p>                “At least you’re not screaming at me this time,” His voice hit her like a ton of bricks and the tears were begging to fall as she slammed a drawer shut as she rose from behind the desk.</p>
<p>                Olivia didn’t feel like engaging in this conversation as she paced the floor in her office, scanning the squad room as Fin and Kat were busy working on printouts from CSU. She didn’t want to argue anymore but the swirling of emotions in her stomach rolled and a deluge of waiting tears primed at her waterline. This couldn’t be happening. Not today. Not while the squad room resembled a chicken coop filled with headless hens.</p>
<p>                “You’re more than welcome to call <em>that</em> progress but I call it an irritation as you interrupt a rather delicate case that has barely begun along with a pile of other shit between precincts,” Olivia watched as Amanda and Elora came back in with Barbara along with two Unis in toe, her blood pressure rising as she briefly made eye contact with her newest Detective. “I don’t have time to do this. I have things to do—Ones that don’t involve hearing your excuses.”</p>
<p>                “Come on, <em>Liv</em>,” The tenor in his voice was enough to make her lose focus and push her into drive as she bit down on her bottom lip.</p>
<p>                “No, you don’t get to say that, not right now,” Olivia snapped and hoped that Elora hadn’t heard her as she made it within a few feet of the door as she gripped the edge of a cabinet for strength. “I gotta go.”</p>
<p>                “Am I interrupting?” Elora poked her head in just as Olivia choked back the tears and feverishly wiped her eyes while shoving the phone into her pocket, her cheeks flushed with heat. “Boss?”</p>
<p>                “No, it’s nothing,” Olivia knew how hypocritical she looked as she pushed another lie toward Elora, imposing another wall as she held the door shut on the proverbial closet for a little longer. “How did everything go with the rape kit?”</p>
<p>                “Barbara is a lot tougher than even she could’ve known,” Elora wanted to pry, deep down, but she held it in again as she exhaled slowly and leaned against the doorjamb. “Where are the girls?”</p>
<p>                “Carisi is entertaining them. I wonder if he chose the right profession the way he is with kids,” Olivia forced a smile and gathered a stack of paperwork from the top of her desk as Elora stayed in the doorway, a lost look plastered on her face. “Any word from your brother on what’s going on?”</p>
<p>                “I’ve left him about fifteen voicemails but it wouldn’t be the first time he’s disappeared on us and left the girls,” Elora wasn’t herself as the sad look in her eyes seemed to grow as everything was hitting her from every direction. “They were just too little to remember the last time and he promised that it wouldn’t do this again.”</p>
<p>                Olivia had her own set of agony to deal with but the undeniable want to fix it overwhelmed any yearning to wallow in self-pity as she crossed the room, giving the lightest squeeze to Elora’s shoulder. “We don’t get to pick the circumstances we grow up with but the one you have here, within these walls, is the one that I’d hope you can rely on.”</p>
<p>                “We’ve got work to do,” Elora pulled her phone from the confines of a pocket and started scrolling through contacts until she found one that the girls were familiar with, one that she could trust, as she followed Olivia into the squad room. “Mar...it’s Elle…”</p>
<p>                “Baby girl, you sound miserable and it’s been too long,” Mara’s voice was a welcomed cooing in her ear, the inflections of her Southern heritage bleeding through the line. “What’s up, buttercup?”</p>
<p>                “I wish I could get into it but I need a favor if you’re not too busy today,” Elora was searching for a tendril of hair to twist her fingers around as she bit down on her lip.</p>
<p>                “You still at the one-three? I can be there in like fifteen minutes,” Mara didn’t hesitate, the offer was up in the air and the sound put some of Elora’s fears to bed.</p>
<p>                “Oh, see, about that…no, I’m not at the one-three anymore, I’m at the one-six, now, and the girls are here,” Elora cleared her throat and leaned against the cabinet, palming her forehead as she continued. “It’s why I need  you.”</p>
<p>                “Your dillhole of a brother is in trouble again, isn’t he?” Mara wasn’t upset as a laugh echoed in Elora’s ear, reminding her that there was at least one person that she could consider in her circle. “You know I love those girls. I’ll be over to the one-six in closer to thirty.”</p>
<p>                “Yeah, you always know exactly what’s going on,” Elora sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose as she glanced at her watch. “I’ll see you in thirty...thanks, Mar.”</p>
<p>                “I gotchu,” Mar hung up and Elora closed her eyes for a long moment as reality took another swing at her.</p>
<p>                “That was a quick recovery,” Olivia could hear both girls giggling as she came around the corner followed by an emphatic laugh that belonged to Carisi. “I don’t know which one is more hyper—Your nieces or Carisi?”</p>
<p>                “Those two will run him ragged if he lets them. They may be cute and charming but they have an endless supply of energy,” Elora smirked and rifled through a pile of paperwork as she stole a glance at Amanda and Barbara in the conference room. “I’m beginning to think Mara would drop anything if I asked her to. She was there for me during the trial. The only friend I’ve kept through the years.”</p>
<p>                “Hate to interrupt, Captain, but I found something in these photographs that you might want to take a look at,” Fin had been waiting in the wings, a frantic look residing on his face as he came up to the discussion as another loud giggle came from the lounge.</p>
<p>                “I’ll go rescue Carisi from being eaten alive by two, little hyenas,” Elora was going in fifteen different directions as she moved in that direction, the strength waning as she disappeared.</p>
<p>                Olivia needed Elora’s mind squarely focused on the case. Her connection with Barbara had been galvanized and they didn’t have a lineup even prepped. Hours were ticking away and the moments of clarity were becoming more real, more pressing, as the morning light peered through the blinds. Everything had shifted and begged to tip upside down as Olivia followed Fin to his desk. It certainly wasn’t helping that Olivia was just as distracted by her own set of personal issues, making her less than capable of leading them. Complicated might’ve described it accurately but it didn’t get at the heart of the issue as she looked over Fin’s shoulder.</p>
<p>                “What am I looking at?” Olivia was staring at a haphazard collection of crime scene photographs from the park, detailing the gate inward, and none of it was jumping out at her.</p>
<p>                “We’ve pretty much come to the reality that we can’t narrow down suspects from the park but we can, however, narrow down suspects from the blood trail,” Fin had been percolating on this theory for a considerable amount of time as he laid a few photos side by side. “Something stood out when I was looking these over. There’s blood on the gate but not where you’d imagine it would be.”</p>
<p>                “It’s below waist level,” Olivia trapped the photo between her index and thumb, angling it up to get a better look at it as her wheels started turning. “Like she was reaching for it, to stop her assailant from dragging her inside.”</p>
<p>                “It would mean that the rape didn’t happen there,” Fin glanced at Amanda as she comforted Barbara with her friend Julia, a questioning look in his eye. “We have gaps to fill in.”</p>
<p>                “A lot more than I’d like,” Olivia sighed and caught sight of something shimmering in one of the images of the flowerbed in front of the statue. “What is that?”</p>
<p>                Fin squinted as he held up the photo she was indicating, his tone dropping as he wrinkled his nose. “Is that a gemstone?”</p>
<p>                “Safe to say we might be looking for a guy with a ring missing a stone?” Olivia looked up the reference number for the photo and started moving in the direction of the lounge. “Do me a favor and have the evidence bag for that photo pulled…maybe we’ll get lucky with something expensive and cataloged.”</p>
<p>                “On it,” Fin gathered the highlighted reference sheet with the collected evidence listed and took a generous swig of his coffee before rising from his chair. “It’s going to be a long day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>10:00 AM</p>
<p>               </p>
<p>                Elora had given Adeline and Elizabeth a second goodbye before sending them off to the penthouse with Mara and collected her thoughts as she left another angry voicemail for her stepbrother. “I swear to everything holy and unholy, Justin Michael Andrisani, if you’re thinking that this is an extended weekend away from your daughters, you’ve got another thing coming. They’re worried. I’m worried. The damn pizza boy will be worried. If you don’t call me back I’m going to start utilizing the NYPD to find your ass. Putz.”</p>
<p>                “Have you had to make that threat before?” Carisi was entirely too close and heard every word of that voicemail, startling Elora as she shoved her phone into her pocket. “Not that I was listening or anything.”</p>
<p>                “I might’ve had to threaten him a time or two,” Elora rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders but the embarrassment was evident as she turned a delightful shade of pink while moving toward her desk. “I don’t have time to chase my meathead of a stepbrother while also doing my job. Don’t judge.”</p>
<p>                “I have sisters, I know better,” Carisi shrugged and followed her toward the conference room where Amanda seemed to be doing well with the third party translating for Barbara as she sat next to Julia. “How is she doing in there?”</p>
<p>                Elora wanted to say that Barbara was doing better than she had. She wanted to say she was stronger. There was more to her than the surface would suggest. It hit a sour, almost acrid note, as Elora thought back on the days of sitting across from Detectives, feeling naked, exposed, beaten down, and like the world had turned its back on her. The comparisons were hard not to draw but Elora couldn't let it drag her down as she exhaled as though someone was sitting on her lungs, depriving her of air.</p>
<p>                “She's really tough…tougher than I’d have imagined she’d be in this situation,” Elora didn’t like how closely Carisi was hovering as he followed her toward the conference room door but she understood his reasoning as her energy reeked of irritation. “Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to do by following my pace like my nieces but it’s starting to make me real edgy.”</p>
<p>                Carisi took a step back to put a little distance between them and raised his hands just a bit as her tone went a little sharp. “I come in peace, Elle. You seem tense and I didn’t want everyone to hear it when I brought it up.”</p>
<p>                “Today has been trying and every last one of my nerves is hanging by a thread,” Elora pinched the bridge of her nose and knew she sounded a lot more intense than she’d intended as she closed her eyes for a long moment before forcing a heavily faked smile. “I promise that I’m fine. I’m not a Faberge egg.”</p>
<p>                “If anyone thinks you’re delicate, then they haven’t met you,” Carisi caught himself smirking as the comment didn’t have time to swirl around in his brain before it left his mouth.</p>
<p>                Elora detected the flirtation, shook it off, and hid the blush as she reached for the door handle, less than inclined to return the comment. “Yeah, well, I should probably go help Amanda with putting together a timeline—Put together a lineup, anything to get her a little justice.”</p>
<p>                “Are you Detective Caruso?” Julia bombarded her before she could even get inside, the look on her face beyond the point of despondent as Elora cleared her throat.</p>
<p>                “You must be Julia,” Elora had already missed too much of the introductory information and Amanda’s expression was nothing short of horrified as Julia continued to corner her partner as she came around to sit with them. “You don’t need to call me Detective Caruso—Elora is fine. I know this hasn’t been an easy morning but we’re doing everything we can for Barbara.”</p>
<p>                “We’ve given everything that has been asked for and she hasn’t stopped shaking since she got back from her rape kit,” Julia was understandably high-strung and her tone was climbing with every word as she refused to sit. “I think it’s time I take her home so she can get some rest.”</p>
<p>                Barbara signed <em>I’m okay</em> as Julia paced before holding Amanda’s available, willing hand. Elora was more than grateful for her partner’s calm as she felt her blood pressure spike. Every moment was out of balance and askew as Elora’s head spun while she sat down at the table. The jagged, bruise lined wounds stood out on Barbara’s porcelain skin, starkly providing a sobered look into what she had gone through. Elora didn’t need a reminder, though, as she felt the phantom hit to the ribs from a police baton before the pressure pushed against her larynx.</p>
<p>                The nightmare wanted to come back.</p>
<p>                Elora stood and tried to reason with their victim’s friend, “Julia—"</p>
<p>                “It’s Jules,” The expression on Julia’s face was somewhere between panic and guilt as she was at the door, her eyes staring down Elora. “I shouldn’t have let her go home alone. This is my fault.”</p>
<p>                “The only person that is to blame is the man that assaulted Barbara,” Elora’s shoulders slumped as she rose and clasped both hands around Julia’s wringing hands, doing her best to provide a semblance of comfort. “I know that taking her home seems like it’s going to help her but being able to find this guy sooner, rather than later, is the fastest way that she’ll get some justice.”</p>
<p>                Amanda was starting to put together the pieces of Elora’s unspoken puzzle as her emphasis seemed more rooted in personalization than they had before. It wasn’t like her despite their residual unfamiliarity. She was beginning to see what Elora had intimated at the hospital, in so few words, why she needed her strength. Elora was crumbling from the inside out. She’d already done so much to be strong, but it was faltering with every minute that ticked by.</p>
<p>                Barbara was signing at Julia but she was no longer listening or even paying attention. They were headed down a narrower path and Amanda was doing her best to hold it together for everyone.</p>
<p>                “Making her relive this nightmare isn’t going to make her feel better, Detective Caruso! It’s going to make everything worse and the people that pick up the pieces after you’re long gone for another case, are her friends!” Julia blurted it out and swatted Elora away, finally hitting the final nerve that was holding every part of Elora’s resolve together. “You don’t even know what it’s like! Just because it’s your job, doesn’t mean you know!”</p>
<p>                “I do know,” Elora didn’t cry or yell as she let it pass from her lips like she was in confessional, the reminding sting hitting her like a load of bricks. “I take it seriously because I know what it’s like to have it hover in your mind until you let it out—The nightmares go away with time but not until his face is plastered all over a police report.”</p>
<p>                “Elle,” Amanda breathed a heavy sigh and grasped her elbow, turning her enough to make eye contact. “Do you need a second?”</p>
<p>                “No, for the first time, I’m good,” Elora’s chest heaved and Barbara’s peripheral signing tugged at her concentration as she made eye contact with her to sign it as she spoke. “It’s why I do this. I know how it feels. Every second of pain isn’t just empathy, it was my reality.”</p>
<p>                “What if it doesn’t bring him to justice?” Julia shrank and held onto Barbara’s hand while Elora stayed standing just feet away. “What happens?”</p>
<p>                “You’re never going to know if we don’t identify him,” Elora was mainly looking at Barbara but she knew that Julia needed to hear it just as badly, the flash of her own nightmare’s radiant, menacing smile entering her thoughts for far longer than necessary. “Let Amanda and me worry about the rest of that, though. That’s my job. The arrest, the interrogation, and the case.”</p>
<p>                “The only thing we need from you, Barbara,” Amanda couldn’t have been more floored by her partner as she stepped in to put a hand across Barbara’s, her eloquence clear and concise. “We need to know who raped you and to put him in a room to make an identification.”</p>
<p>                Barbara signed <em>I need a minute</em> at Julia before reaching for the yellow legal pad in the center of the table. There was a lost look ruminating on her face that Elora knew all too well. It was the same one that struck her every time she had to hear his name or woke up in the dark swearing she’d heard his voice. The lingering fear of having him come back and do it again never goes away. Elora could never reassure her otherwise. It was something that even she hadn’t quite conquered.</p>
<p>                “Could we have a few minutes, Detectives?” Julia moved her eyes between them after nodding at Barbara.</p>
<p>                “We’ll be right outside,” Amanda rose and followed Elora out into the squad room, the mixture of empathy and shock finally smoothing into one as she made eye contact with her partner. “That’s what you didn’t want to tell me about, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>                “I didn’t want to tell anyone and informing Liv was out of necessity, not a choice,” Elora wiped a stray tear and glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one else could hear her. “I never wanted anyone to ever look at me the way my old colleagues looked at me. I wasn’t broken. I didn’t need to be fixed or have special treatment in the field because of trauma. It didn’t make me less.”</p>
<p>                Amanda wanted to hug her but she opted, simply, to be motherly and tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear before squeezing her shoulder. “You’re never going to have anyone do that to you here. We all have demons.”</p>
<p>                “It’s not easy giving anyone a blank slate,” Elora kicked at a dust bunny and cleared her throat as she searched for the right words to say. “I’ve lost a lot of faith—In myself, in humanity, in the kind of men that seem to think that this job gives them carte blanche to be monsters. Being here gave me the chance to restore some of what I lost.”</p>
<p>                “Was he a cop?” Amanda didn’t want to pry but she couldn’t help but test the water as she dipped her metaphorical toe in as Elora slowly blinked.</p>
<p>                “Yeah, Brooklyn Vice,” Elora nodded and swallowed away another flash of his face, the shimmer of his badge at his belt, and the rigidity of his nightstick against her neck. “I looked at seats full of uniforms for weeks in that courtroom until I gave my first round of testimony. It was like they all had his six until they heard me speak. I was just a teenager...”</p>
<p>                “Jesus,” Amanda didn’t think she’d let it out but the only word she could feel was pride for the force of a woman standing next to her. “I’m really glad that Liv took a chance when your app came across her desk.”</p>
<p>                “We’ll see how much she appreciated the risk after this case,” Elora had a bad feeling working its way through her chest as she gestured toward Julia and Barbara signing in the room. “Barbara is being just as reticent to talk to her best friend as she was with me when I first started getting glimmers of hope. She’s regressing.”</p>
<p>                “Do you think she’ll clam up entirely?” Amanda was trying to read the expression on Elora’s face as much as the ones between their victim and her confidant inside the conference room. “You seem like you have an idea of what’s at play here.”</p>
<p>                “I did the same thing to the Detective that was interviewing me afterward,” Elora chewed her lip and exhaled slowly. “I knew his name because it was on his shirt and, somehow, I refused to say it out loud. I thought, maybe, it wouldn’t be real if I just didn’t say it.”</p>
<p>                “Do you think she knows his name?” Amanda was curious and it was the most opportune time as they watched Barbara slam her hand against the table.</p>
<p>                “Worse,” Elora made eye contact with her partner and raised an eyebrow, the certainty rising as her voice dropped. “I think she knows everything about him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>11:00 AM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “How long are you going to let them sit in there arguing with each other?” Amanda stretched her arm across the table and gathered the first folder of photos that Elora had been compiling, peeking in on Julia and Barbara as the pacing started up again. “She’s invited us back in four times just to kick us out all over again.”</p>
<p>                “If I believed in brutality, I would’ve put Jules in a chokehold a long time ago,” Elora made Olivia choke on her tea as she crossed the room with the cup to her lips, the sound coming out like a wheeze and a cough. “Swallow then breathe, boss.”</p>
<p>                “What happened to that sweet Detective I hired a week ago?” Olivia wiped the dribble of tea from the side of her mouth and continued to cough up the tea as she rolled her eyes at Elora.</p>
<p>                “I smothered her with a pillow,” Elora didn’t lift her head from behind the stack, her eyes already blurring as she exhaled slowly. “I don’t feel like being fucking nice but I need that God damn girl out of the room for just long enough to get a name out of Barbara.”</p>
<p>                “Dammit, I missed a call from my sitter,” Amanda scrolled through her phone and started toward the lounge, looking back at Elora for a second. “Shout at me if they decide they want to talk to you, me, or both of us!”</p>
<p>                “Don’t hold your breath, babe,” Elora got up and snagged the stack from where Amanda had been sitting, sliding each set into the folder as it got a little quiet in the room. “Hey, Liv, does this happen a lot?”</p>
<p>                “Victims aren’t perfect, Elora, and neither is the method to get an identification” Olivia crossed the floor and slid another stack of photos in front of her, finally getting her to make eye contact, even if it was brief. “Stop beating yourself up. Everyone can tell you’re tense.”</p>
<p>                “Eau de anxiety,” Elora waved her arms and got up from the chair, a smile briefly residing on her lips as she looked over her shoulder at Olivia. “Luckily, it’s not a musty odor.”</p>
<p>                Olivia would’ve responded with something equally as witty but the cup hit the floor, splashing tea across the tiles as the gasp left her lips and her knees buckled. “El…”</p>
<p>                “I know you’re not gonna call me that over a bad joke, with <em>that</em> tone of voice, <em>Olivia</em>,” Elora took her sweet time shutting a drawer and turned, to see exactly what her boss had been struck by. “Oh…”</p>
<p>                He always knew how to take any opportunity to inspire a hush even if it meant awakening a fire in Olivia’s eyes. She half expected him to look the same but he had changed—aging just enough to more than convey every level of hell he’d been living through over the nine years he’d been away. The flecks of gray in his stubble, the thinning of his already closely cropped hair, and the lines on his face that had begun to deepen. The one thing, though, that Elliot Stabler still had were those burning blues that made Olivia ache in the knees every time. He barely moved but kept his gaze locked on hers and set the room on fire.</p>
<p>                Elora was caught in the crossfire as she backed away slowly, the confusion mingling with intrigue as she hoped that Amanda or Fin would come back to explain what she was witnessing.</p>
<p>                “Don’t you move,” Olivia pointed toward Elora, preventing her from disappearing from the room entirely, as the overwhelming refusal to be alone with him hit her like a ton of bricks. “<em>You</em> stay right there.”</p>
<p>                Elora’s eyes went wide at the tonal inflection from her boss. Olivia almost had gone entirely ragged, as though she’d been crying. It was enough to scare Elora into staying. The curiosity alone might’ve been enough but the strict, motherly voice had pushed it over a cliff. It was awkward at the basic level but Elora was incapable of taking another step as her hand inadvertently squeaked across the side of the filing cabinet. No one moved, no one spoke. The tension could’ve been cut with a knife.</p>
<p>                “It’s a lot harder to yell at me when I’m standing in front of you,” Elliot’s shield was visible against his hip, his suit impeccably pressed as Olivia couldn’t help but stare at the empty void on his left hand. "Liv."</p>
<p>                “Don’t be so sure of yourself,” Olivia’s legs were barely holding her up as the nine-year absence weighed down on her, imposing the sorrow that she’d suppressed for so long. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>                “It was better than the alternative,” Elliot took another step closer and watched her jaw clench as she coiled fingers around the back of a chair. “I’d like a chance to say what happened unless nearly thirteen years of partnership wasn’t a good enough reason to hear me out.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t know, it wasn’t a good enough reason for you to get your head out of your ass and stay, was it?” Olivia blurted it out knowing she was twisting the blade and giving it a proper push between his ribs, fully understanding the impact. “You don’t even understand what you’ve missed.”</p>
<p>                “Oh…shit,” Elora was a deer in the headlights and didn’t want to be witnessing their moment but she couldn’t look away, either, as her boss was doing everything not to cry.</p>
<p>                “I deserve that,” Elliot had closed the distance to no more than a few feet between them, desperate to do anything to get her to realize he wanted to be there, needed to be there. “What I wouldn’t give to go back—”</p>
<p>                Olivia had been saving the anger, sadness, and buried hurt as the slap came without warning and tightly met his cheek, just enough to sting. “You deserve a lot more where that came from, Elliot.”</p>
<p>                Elora didn’t know what to do other than a step between them, putting a hand out like she was placing herself between parents that were finally having it out, the concern evident as she looked at Olivia. “I don’t know what exactly is going on here but I think this conversation is better suited for your office. I don’t want to be your referee, though, and I don’t want to go find Fin so he can do it instead of me because I have a feeling, he’ll do a lot less speaking and a little more, well, being Fin.”</p>
<p>                “I’m done talking,” Olivia’s eyes burned as she looked around Elora to shoot daggers at Elliot, intent on making him feel it.</p>
<p>                “Liv, come on, please,” Elliot implored, his eyes just as glassed over as hers had been. “Don’t shut me out.”</p>
<p>                “This is heading back to a place where I think someone is going to be using violence and there was already an idiot who punched someone in this squad room today so we might want to try bringing this down a notch,” Elora was hoping to settle Olivia’s visible paroxysm of rage as she awkwardly shrugged her shoulders and gestured toward the door to the office. “I should know, I was the idiot.”</p>
<p>                Olivia shrugged her shoulders, surrendering to the idea, stuck between anger and the renewal of mourning of a man that had already walked out on her. “I guess it’s worth a shot.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t get proud of yourself,” Elora was firm but calm as she waited for Olivia to go into her office first, staring Elliot down as though she needed to protect her boss. “I’m not going to come in there and referee anything so if she decides to hit you, it’s all on you.”</p>
<p>                “Noted,” Elliot knew that the warning had weight and was justified as he moved beyond the doorway, the silence deafening as the handle clicked into place. “I can’t pretend like showing up here is just going to mend every wound that I’ve missed, Liv, but I’m here. Don’t shut me out.”</p>
<p>                “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t?” Olivia crossed her arms and leaned against the edge of her desk, purposely leaving feet between them as a buffer to guard her heart.</p>
<p>                Elliot felt like she had already sent him away as he swallowed his pride, the trepidation, and the lingering anxiety about pouring it out on the table. “I can give you more than that.”</p>
<p>                “Go on,” Olivia wanted him to wrap his arms around her but it betrayed every nerve as she exhaled. “I’m not stopping you.”</p>
<p>                “I tried to come back but something happened and I had to go deep undercover,” Elliot hadn’t said it out loud more than once and it was at the expense of his marriage, he’d realized, as he felt a solitary tear slip free and slide down his cheek. “I sent you my medal when I tried to clue you in but it didn’t work. I stood at forty different pay phones every other night and dialed every digit in your phone number except the last because I knew I couldn’t listen to your voice without seeing your face. I stood outside the courthouse for the trial and didn’t have the balls to go in.”</p>
<p>                “This isn’t helping your case,” Olivia wanted to vomit even as she held back the sobbing, her stoicism wavering as she white-knuckled the desk.</p>
<p>                “I’m not done,” Elliot’s nostrils flared, the emotions wreaking havoc on him as he held a breath to gather the control, the patience, and the intestinal fortitude. “I knew Kathy was going to leave me for someone else and I didn’t give a flying fuck because she stopped occupying that space in my heart long before I left. I didn’t even fight for her—I was too busy trying not to get caught every time I checked in on you.”</p>
<p>                Elliot Stabler dropped the revelation and Olivia buckled at the knees. Every instinct within her was screaming to tell him to go but her soul was dying at the mere thought of seeing him leave all over again. He’d missed so much, too much. She knew it and he felt it in his bones as years of mental and physical trauma lit up across their faces. They’d both gone to hell and back, but they’d been doing it alone for too long.</p>
<p>                “I needed you so many times and I started to cope with a world where you just weren’t in it,” Olivia let tears fall like so many drops of rain on the window as she stared at the floor to pull strength. “I grieved losing you.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t want to lose you again,” Elliot was halfway to defeat as he took another step forward, just enough to see the streaks of mascara down her cheeks. “I have lost so much already, Liv. I can’t bear another loss.”</p>
<p>                “You didn’t just come here to tell me that you miss me, did you?” Olivia knew it was more and felt the strings of her heart begin to bend before snapping apart.</p>
<p>                “I wish I could tell you <em>no</em>…It’s so much worse.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There’s so much I could say and it wouldn’t be enough. Every comment gives me the energy to push forward even when I’m so...exhausted. Feedback is welcomed, encouraged, and necessary. Thank you to the girls in the writing group. You have no idea how much I appreciate you.</p>
<p>Quotes by:<br/>Carl Jung<br/>Unknown</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Every Echo Fades</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Elora’s connection to Elliot Stabler comes with baggage and a rape case hangs in the balance as the personal struggle clashes with the professional one. </p>
<p>“But one had to go back to the beginning of things. Trace the thread of life – find the knot – untangle it.” -Martha Ostenso</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Also, Mercy General’s address is 100% real but it’s a fictitious location(leads to a completely different landmark and the hospital is non-existent). Silver Tapestry Inc. does not exist. It is, essentially, a combination of three companies.</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Secondary Warning: Epilogue could be triggering due to the implication of a sexual assault. <br/>Need help?</p>
<p>Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.<br/>How does it work?<br/>When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It’s you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because no one else</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Makes sense.</em>
</p>
<p>-Shivani Aurora</p>
<p> </p>
<p>11:30 AM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora didn’t know what to make of the situation she had stumbled into. Victim in the conference room still refusing to speak and Olivia having a verbal standoff with the man she’d called <em>Elliot</em>. She could see the scene unfolding despite her best efforts not to see it and could tell something was wrong. Olivia hadn’t left the office and neither had Elliot. Elora didn’t even know the man’s full name but she knew, with certainty, that her boss had spent a great deal of time fixating on him and likely to her detriment. The timing was bad and no one else was there to clue her in on the man that Olivia had looked at as though he were a ghost.</p>
<p>                “At some point, my little transgression this morning might start looking like child’s play,” Elora wasn’t the type to think out loud but she couldn’t help herself as it came out soft, low, and a little muddled.</p>
<p>                “You’re quite the sight. What in the hell are you doing, Caruso?” Fin was across the room still, his coffee cup in one hand and a set of printouts in the other. “How long have you been standing there?”</p>
<p>                “I mean, it’s been a minute,” Elora gestured with her chin toward the windows, her eyebrows furrowed and her voice low as she kept staring forward like a deer in the headlights. “Trying to figure out if that’s a sign of Liv calming down or ramping back up…”</p>
<p>                “Oh, shit,” Fin nearly dumped the contents of his coffee on her as he crossed the floor and finally got a good look at Elliot’s face. “How long has <em>he</em> been in there with her? It can’t be good that <em>he’s</em> here.”</p>
<p>                “About twenty minutes, why do you ask?” Elora didn’t recognize the look on Fin’s face as it edged between intrigue and protective as he set the coffee down. “Fin?”</p>
<p>                “You must be bad at faces or you must really not know who that is…” Fin spun around, voice unintentionally elevating with such force that she backed against the desk and spread a stack of papers across the surface. “That’s her old partner. The one that left nine years ago. The reason she doesn’t call you <em>Elle</em>. <em>That’s</em> Elliot Stabler.”</p>
<p>                “Stabler,” Elora knew part of that name but for an entirely different reason as she pressed her lips together to recollect the smug, overconfident face as though it were yesterday. “I don’t suppose that would be Richard Stabler’s father, by any chance?”</p>
<p>                Fin grimaced and nodded, the confused expression taking over on his face as he watched her push her tongue into her cheek while turning a delightful shade of red. “Well, I mean, yeah, but why?”</p>
<p>                “There’s a real, goddamn good chance he isn’t here for pleasantries and I don’t know if I want to wait around for whatever he has to say,” Elora’s patience was all but gone as she crossed her arms and resisted the urge to burst through the door to confront it head on. “I’ve put up with more than enough bullshit to last a lifetime since this day began and the likes of Elliot Stabler isn’t about to pile on more of it.”</p>
<p>                “Okay, Miss hothead, I’ve already had to pull you away after punching one guy today, Caruso. Take it down several notches,” Fin stepped in front of her, taking the brunt of an intense glare as he blocked her from looking straight at the back of Elliot’s head. “You’re gonna need to explain why I need to go interrupt a reunion conversation that’s taken nine years to happen or bury it whatever you’re feeling.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t even know why it would matter at this point, Fin,” Elora stammered and sank into a seat to stifle the nervous energy, looking up at Fin as he stayed in his hovering position just feet away.</p>
<p>                “You know, it’s going to be a whole lot easier letting it out to me instead of flying off the handle when she hasn’t seen him in this long,” Fin didn’t quite know why he was handling her with kid gloves but he was as he crossed his arms and raised both eyebrows. “You know I won’t judge you.”</p>
<p>                “It just makes me look even more screwed up than I already am,” Elora took a moment to stare at the ceiling, gathering her thoughts as she bit down on her bottom lip and finally brought her field of vision level. “It isn’t a big secret that my stepbrother is a known problem. It would take all of five seconds to find his record and the list of shit he has done. The last time that his daughters were dropped off at a precinct for me to take care of, I ended up having to arrest him a week later…with another troublemaker that he’d taken under his wing.”</p>
<p>                “I know it feels like it’s easier to go running around the bushes but…skip to the point,” Fin leaned against the wall, crossed his arms, and elevated an eyebrow as Elora fidgeted in the chair like a child. “I’m a lot of things, Elora…patient while being told a convoluted story just ain’t one of them.”</p>
<p>                “My brother’s favorite partner-in-crime is none other than Elliot Stabler’s son,” Elora leaned against her arm and pivoted in the chair, dragging her toes across the floor. “I should’ve known the kid had pull when I was told to transfer him before I even had a chance to put him in a holding cell next to my moron of a brother.”</p>
<p>                “You were actually going to follow through with it?” Fin’s eyes widened; the shock written on his face as he glanced at the back of Stabler’s head in Olivia’s office for a long moment. “What in the hell did they do?”</p>
<p>                “I let Justin sit in a cell until his attorney took care of him. I owed him nothing,” Elora scoffed and gritted her teeth as she recollected the memory, considerably bitter about the entire incident. “They were moving a large amount of product out of the back of one of Manhattan’s grossest strip clubs. Both of them were drunk and high as kites. I hadn’t been with the one-three for long and both of them put my job at risk. The look on his face when I left him in there…like I kicked a dog.”</p>
<p>                “You know that you’re trouble, right?” Fin knew it was killing Elora to sit there ignoring the issue but he owed it to Olivia to let her have some time with Elliot despite the obvious lingering anger in the air. “You need to get your ass back into that conference room and work on identifying Barbara’s rapist and I’ll…wait for Liv to finish this conversation.”</p>
<p>                “Fin, I don’t know what to say,” Elora rose from the chair and reached for the prepped files for the lineup. “I know that’s why he’s here and I already feel like I’m on thin ice over what happened this morning. The last thing I need is to find out that my half-witted stepbrother fucked up again.”</p>
<p>                “Which is why you’re gonna worry about Barbara and I’ll figure out what to do about the rest,” Fin blinked, the apprehension in his voice as she reached for the door to the conference room. “I’ll absorb some of this heat if it comes down to it.”</p>
<p>                “Why are you doing this for me?” Elora choked back the emotion and tucked the hair behind her ear as it fell across her cheek. “I know you’re my Sarge but…you barely know me and I don’t feel like I’ve earned it.”</p>
<p>                “It’s just the right thing to do and I feel like you don’t deserve to go over something stupid. The fact that you don’t think you’ve earned a favor is another reason,” Fin shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, lifting his cup to his lips for a quick drink. “Now, get your ass in there.”</p>
<p>                For the first time, Elora felt bonded to her Sergeant and it alleviated more stress than she even knew as she turned the handle, resuming the frustrated stares from Barbara and Julia. Elora needed to harness the stress and bottle it, direct it toward the task in front of her. The victim had been sitting for far too long. She had to flip the switch and focus on Barbara and her unknown assailant. It couldn’t be about Justin, Dickie, or Elliot right now. She needed the truth. She needed answers. She needed more than Barbara and Julia had been willing to allow before now.</p>
<p>                As Elora looked at their far away glances, she knew it was going to be a very long day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>12:00 PM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “Dickie is missing, Liv,” Elliot’s idea of small talk was circling the drain and jumping into the abyss as he trapped her in a singular stare and felt the room go cold. “I traced the phone but he’s got the damn thing turned off…last known ping was in a warehouse.”</p>
<p>                There was a nagging tug at her consciousness, the urgency signaling to Olivia’s brain as irritation took over at his expert ability to make her want to know more. “What happened?”</p>
<p>                “You already know the cause,” Elliot stroked his chin, his fingers lingering along his jaw as he grappled with the reality of it all. “Dickie took all of the changes the hardest. He got into some trouble with a group of guys that I thought were just gang affiliates but it’s so much deeper than that.”</p>
<p>                “Drugs? Human trafficking? Both?” Olivia tilted her head to one side and exhaled, the thought of one of Elliot’s kids becoming unreachable truly slipping deeper beneath her skin.</p>
<p>                “Both,” Elliot wanted to put it gently but he couldn’t as he bent forward, holding on to the back of a chair for balance as he stared at the top of her desk. “He took up the helm with someone that relates directly to this squad and I already know this isn’t going to go well because they’re, clearly, a good Detective.”</p>
<p>                “Who?” Olivia’s stomach dropped at the implication and her knees gave while Elliot’s hands shook. “Who is it?”</p>
<p>                “Justin Andrisani,” Elliot gripped the bridge of his nose as he finally made eye contact with her, a twitch of pain forming behind his eyes. “Detective Caruso’s brother.”</p>
<p>                Olivia could feel the vomit rising in her throat as her eyes found the floor, settling there out of a need for balance. Elliot’s return was already aggressively attacking her ability to remain rational and adding news like this was that much worse. His presence was becoming more loaded with every breath and the trap was already set to expose how easily she’d be devoted to fixing everything. It came with a price, though, and she didn’t know if the cost was worth the end result. The stillness in her office wasn’t helping the matter as the sound of her heart beating in her chest was becoming more of a thumping with every breath. It was making it so much worse as she fixated on it and finally sank into the chair at her desk, letting it hold her weight as the world crushed her fully.</p>
<p>                “I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that this has been devastating me, Liv,” Elliot could already see the panic wreaking havoc on her as she sighed audibly. “I failed my son, I failed you…and I’m failing a Detective I haven’t even met yet.”</p>
<p>                “You have to tell her. It can’t be me,” Olivia couldn’t look at him as the words came out, the hurt already springing free as she shook her head in disbelief. “Did you think I would judge <em>you</em> for Dickie’s actions, El?”</p>
<p>                “I didn’t know what you would think but the more time that went by, the more it seemed inappropriate to announce to you that another one of my kids was being arrested,” Elliot was angry at the conversation but it was aimed at himself at the inability to rise up enough to realize he should’ve let her in a long time ago. “Dickie didn’t know how to handle living a secret life. He lost all of his friends and didn’t want to make new ones. He lashed out.”</p>
<p>                “Did you cover for him or did you just <em>move</em> him to your own precinct so he wouldn’t get a raw deal?” Olivia was clinical with him, almost to the point of being cold, as she pressed a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. “I really like Elora—”</p>
<p>                “I know you do…that’s why this is so hard,” Elliot could hear it in her voice that he was pushing too hard and the frustration was climbing as he stayed standing behind one of the adjacent chairs. “I didn’t protect him. I moved him so he wouldn’t get his ass handed to him at the one-three. I doubt it looked like that when I did it, but he spent almost six months doing time. I don’t know how his attorney swung the reduction but the conditions likely had something to do with the fact that undercover life hadn’t entirely lifted.”</p>
<p>                “Elora had to escort Dickie, didn’t she?” Olivia already had the suspicion brewing as she scooted back in her chair, leaning against the cushions as her stomach swirled.</p>
<p>                “Yep, she was also the arresting officer,” Elliot couldn’t stand still as he paced the floor, rubbing his jaw as his former partner scrutinized his body language, disarming him without even saying a word as he made eye contact with her. “Dickie knows all too well who she is. She threatened to put him back in cuffs a number of times because of the involvement with her stepbrother.”</p>
<p>                “Can you blame her?” Olivia bit down on her lip and took a breath, steadying the willpower not to lay into him all over again as she felt those steel blues staring into her soul, ripping her defenses to shreds. “Elliot, if you only knew the kind of damage you’re about to cause by even asking what I think you’re about to…you’d understand the repercussions.”</p>
<p>                “As afraid of losing an opportunity to fix the gaping rift that exists between you and me, Liv, the fear of burying one of my kids is dangerously close to the kind that the average man eats a bullet over. It isn’t settling well and I haven’t dealt with saying that out loud until now,” Elliot didn’t know how it would affect her as he watched her eyes fall on the lacquer top of her desk, fixating on a pen as it rolled across.</p>
<p>                “Don’t put that on my shoulders,” Olivia white-knuckled the edge of the desk and narrowed her eyes at him, the tempestuousness coming out in a series of sharp inhales and a deep red hue in her cheeks. “Why would you even put that in my head for me to contemplate?”</p>
<p>                “Apologizing is just going to cheapen it, Liv,” Elliot had done very little thinking and the question rattled around in his mind while his tortured soul ached simply standing in the same room with her. “I shouldn’t have left. I walked away and watched everything I have ever cared about go straight to hell…the damage was done the moment I chose to leave everything behind.”</p>
<p>                “You shouldn’t have done a lot of things but I didn’t need to add the image of you committing suicide to my stack of nightmares,” Olivia needed him to understand that he was already a part of the sleepless nights, of waking up in a cold sweat wanting nothing more than to hear his voice but the words just wouldn’t come. “Don’t ask me to add another piece of terror to Elora’s life, either…the strength she brings, don’t destroy it.”</p>
<p>                “You’re shaking,” Elliot couldn’t help but observe every muscle tighten and flinch as she stood, moving toward the windows that overlooked the squad room. “I didn’t come here to shatter lives. I could’ve stayed in my own office and sent my Sergeant or Lieutenant to start the process, but I didn’t want that. I needed to do this because if I didn’t, I’d think about it until my last breath.”</p>
<p>                Olivia tilted her chin and stifled the burning urge to scream as she searched those eyes again for meaning, for hope, for a truth, as she let it move her. “I begged for death so many times, El, but every time the thought got far enough, a splinter of your memory passed through a conscious thought and I prayed that you would tell me not to…and now you’re here and all I feel is guilt and shame.”</p>
<p>                “You don’t have to,” Elliot tested a boundary and swept Olivia’s hair away from her shoulder, letting the tips of his fingers linger along her cheek, desperate for her to let him in even if it was only for a moment. “Let me be the one to be liable for everything.”</p>
<p>                They stayed next to each other, quietly letting every emotion radiate and pass between them as though they’d spent too long holding them back. Olivia didn’t want to admit that simply being near him was tugging at the parts of her heart that had been covered in a layer of ice. Elliot had been a source of unwavering strength even though she couldn’t so much as say his name out loud for so long. Even in the darkest hours, Olivia held onto the ephemeral echoes of Elliot’s face, his arms, his hands as a mental shield. Every evocation left their mark on her soul, on her heart. Wanting him back for so long had torn her apart and she didn’t know how to ask him to put her back together.</p>
<p>                “I don’t know if it’s a good idea…” Olivia untangled the silence as the rasp in her voice took over, gripping at the back of her throat until she had no choice but swallow hard.</p>
<p>                “Me being here?” Elliot had to fill in the blanks with a question, his lofty guess was probably close to the truth as he chewed the corner of his lip and watched her fidget. “I can hear you thinking.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t know if I can trust myself with you here,” Olivia had more than enough at stake with him at her side even as the walls of her heart began to ache for him. “I have a son. I can’t be a mess for his sake. I can’t lose myself if you’re just going to bleed what’s left of a soul from me.”</p>
<p>                “I’d walk out that door right now if I even thought about doing that,” Elliot’s eyes were on her hands, her lips, her lashes, and yet, his mind was on how much he missed his arms around her. “I missed you.”</p>
<p>                “I know,” Olivia couldn’t help herself as she found the end of his tie with her fingers and moved them along the swirls of satin, remembering how much she wanted to fall into him and forget the last nine years. “How long are you going to stick around? Can you even stay?”</p>
<p>                Elliot covered her hand with his palm, initiating contact against his heart as it thudded in his chest while his nerves overfired. “I’m no longer undercover and the position I hold now is out in the open…I have to run my division but I’m here for as long as you’ll let me be here.”</p>
<p>                “I suppose I should really answer that after the discussion happens with Caruso,” Olivia was still reticent to touch him but the intoxicating, familiar scent of his cologne hit her nostrils as she moved past him to reach for the door.</p>
<p>                Elliot hesitated, a longing in his voice as she pivoted to look at him. “Is she really that important to this team?”</p>
<p>                “All of them are, El…and I can’t explain it but she pulls them together even when she seems to think she’s pulling them apart,” Olivia’s back rubbed against the doorjamb as she searched his eyes again, nearly losing herself in them for the second time since he walked back into her life. “You’d have to see what she’s like…”</p>
<p>                “I once knew someone like that,” Elliot had a glimmer of a smile residing on his lips as his index traced away a solitary tear despite his best efforts to let her have the bubble of space. “I think I can still see a piece of her, though…like nothing ever changed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>               </p>
<p>12:30 PM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Barbara was becoming more despondent with every passing second. She was torn between the loyalty to her best friend and the desire to end the suffering in any way possible. Her eyes were fixed through the center of Elora’s face as Julia continued to rant openly, her frustrations climbing with every word expelled. Elora wasn’t listening, though. Her focus was on Barbara’s changing demeanor and the tapping of her foot against the floor as it continued, pacing between fevered and slow. Barbara had stepped into the deep end and the current was pulling her away from the shore.</p>
<p>                Somewhere, along the way, she’d simply forgotten how to swim.</p>
<p>                “Detective, I know you mean well but you’re putting her through more stress than she needs,” Julia was significantly less apt to give in and she was mothering her friend as she stopped signing the words, as if she expected Barbara to not read her lips. “Shouldn’t the kit be enough for the time being? Why does she need to look at these pictures?”</p>
<p>                “Jules, I know you’re trying to protect her but identification of her attacker will get him off the streets,” Elora didn’t want to be explaining this to Julia but she was as she held the photos in her lap just enough to give Barbara a full view of every face. “I don’t want to have another woman end up sitting across from me, in the same position as Barbara, having to make an identification because we couldn’t get to the bastard in time.”</p>
<p>                Barbara pulled the photo arrays from Elora’s grip and signed <em>I can do this</em> to both of them before she put it on the table. There were so many faces. It was almost too much to absorb as she reached for Julia’s hand and looked at each one, with purpose. Barbara was still so far away and it was becoming painfully evident as she moved from page to page, face to face. The features began to blur together, muddling into a singular form that only existed in someone’s darkest nightmares.</p>
<p>                “Take your time,” Elora signed it as Barbara elevated her head, the concern clear as she softened her tone and glanced at the door as Amanda returned with coffee.</p>
<p>                Barbara pushed her cup aside, thoroughly consumed by the onslaught of images in front of her. Each face had less impact than the previous but seemed to set off another mechanism as the breaths were staggering while her nostrils flared. Elora couldn’t put her finger on it, but something wasn’t quite right. Barbara’s willingness to look at the photographs elicited zero emotional response and was the reversal of her own day behind a binder. The faces weren’t a source of comfort. They were full of terror as each one bore no resemblance to the brunette devil that had away innocence.</p>
<p>                At least, until his wide smile and deep blue eyes finally stared up at her from the seventh page of photographs.</p>
<p>                “Any luck?” Amanda sat down next to Elora after putting a cup in Julia’s hand, the concern on her face as she watched her partner’s eyes dart from the page to their victim in hopeless refrain. “Elle?”</p>
<p>                “Second look through, no flags yet,” Elora leaned back and rubbed her eyes, the exhaustion setting in as her spine popped in four places, zippering up to her neck. “I don’t think this is as simple as a lineup.”</p>
<p>                “What does that mean?” Julia was trying to be strong for Barbara but she was failing as she took a sip of the coffee, the shakiness in her voice as she scooted forward to perch at the edge of her seat.</p>
<p>                “It means that this is getting complicated, Jules,” Amanda looked over at her, choosing not to sugarcoat it as she could see Elora’s knuckles go white against her lap from a squeeze of her fist.</p>
<p>                Julia was the complicated part of the equation even though she was trying to keep her best friend out of harm’s way. “Detectives, please let me take her home…hasn’t she been through enough?”</p>
<p>                “I know you think you’re being a good friend, Jules, but you’re preventing Barbara from the ability to get justice sooner rather than later,” Amanda stood and moved toward the windows, leaving Elora at the table to sit across from Barbara as she continued onto another page of photos. “As much as you think it will save her by taking her out of this room, all it does is hinder our ability to help her.”</p>
<p>                “The arguing isn’t going to help anyone in this room,” Elora lifted her head, her eyes searching Julia’s face much like she had with her own mother seventeen years earlier. “I know you mean well but this isn’t support, Jules.”</p>
<p>                The arguing was futile and led to nowhere. It was exhausting and the figurative strings had frayed to the point that they were useless. Julia sank down in a chair, half sulking, while the room went quiet. Elora couldn’t take it anymore as she covered a section of photos with her hand, capturing Barbara’s attention just enough to lure her away from staring at the page. There were tears in her eyes. Elora had her suspicions of the root cause and the impulse to push a little further was crawling to the surface as she signed <em>I need you to understand</em>.</p>
<p>                Barbara had no choice but to nod in response.</p>
<p>                “You haven’t found him in these pages because you know who he is, don’t you?” Elora folded her hands on the table, speaking slowly as she watched the muscles in Barbara’s face twitch ever so slightly when she reached the end of that question.</p>
<p>                A single teardrop streaked down her cheek, dragging the remaining glints of mascara with it as she diverted her stare toward Elora’s fingers. The lack of a response spoke volumes as Barbara retreated, sinking into her chair until she was barely above the back of it. Elora recognized that face. It was oddly familiar and she’d seen it too many times staring back in a mirror. She’d finally slipped beneath the surface, even at the expense of rattling her victim.</p>
<p>                Elora signed it as she spoke, her empathy bleeding as her voice and hands trembled equally with every little move she made. “Why are you protecting the man that did this to you?”</p>
<p>                Barbara sighed and dragged her fingertips along the table, lifting her hands as though they’d become lead weights. She glanced at Julia and signed <em>please go outside</em> as the tears finally sprang free. Disappointment and disgust with herself had taken over Barbara’s frame of mind as she stood, paced the floor, and moved toward the windows. She glanced back only once to reiterate the same statement with more emphasis. Julia’s shoulders slumped and the disheartened ache lit up across her face as she got up.</p>
<p>                “I’ll show you the lounge,” Amanda put an arm around her to soften the blow as she led her out of the room. “This isn’t on you…sometimes, it hurts less to be alone when this is discussed.”</p>
<p>                “I just don’t understand,” Julia hesitated in the doorway, biting her lip to quell a flood of tears as she looked back at her best friend at the window. “I’ve been there for her for so long. Why wouldn’t she want me here for her right now?”</p>
<p>                “Some battles are just the kind you have to jump into alone but she’s going to need you here after,” Amanda reached for the door handle and gave a solitary nod toward Elora. “I can almost guarantee you of that.”</p>
<p>                Elora had been holding out too much hope that the man that had done this was within the pages of the lineups. She had slipped Officer Walker’s image into the massive array and Barbara didn’t so much as blink at it. Elora wished she could’ve said the same, though, as she passed that page six times and felt every nerve cry out as though he were in the room watching her. She hated that he still had an effect on her after all these years. He didn’t deserve it and neither did Barbara’s perpetrator.</p>
<p>                Elora needed to get through to her as she pinched her thumb to quell the anxiety and renewed that penetrative stare with Barbara, speaking slowly and pointedly. “The longer you hold this in the more it is going to tear you apart from the inside out.”</p>
<p>                Barbara wasn’t done flaying Elora’s soul as she hesitated, raising her hands to sign <em>did you say his name immediately? </em>as though she secretly knew the answer. Elora tried to lie to herself countless times. She had lost count of just how many times his last name across his breast echoed in her head. Finally saying it out loud made it real and facing him in a courtroom only set in motion the mental torture of hearing every detail like closed captioning on a replay of a video left on repeat. She didn’t want to admit the truth but, somewhere in her gut, she knew that it might just set them both free.</p>
<p>                “No, I didn’t,” Elora wiped the tear before it could reach her cheek and straightened her spine as she tugged her palm across the table. “It made things so much harder, Barbara. Don’t make the same mistake that I did.”</p>
<p>                “I…am…afraid,” Barbara’s voice was low and hollow but the point was taken as she held both hands to her chest and nodded.</p>
<p>                Elora steered herself off of the chair and onto her knees, signing <em>you don’t have to be</em> before pulling her into a gentle embrace like she’d known her for years. There was something necessary and calming in the action. Elora had gotten justice so long ago but there was a vein of regret in it as the man’s face kept flashing into her consciousness. He’d still gotten the better of her. He was winning again and she was letting him despite the effort to resist.</p>
<p>                It couldn’t be like this, not again.</p>
<p>                Elora pulled back, wiped Barbara’s tears, and covered the tops of her hands with her own. “You never have to do this alone but I need a name, Barbara…please don’t let this man get away with it for another moment. Don’t let him hurt someone else.”</p>
<p>                Barbara pulled her hands free and reached for the legal pad on the table, writing the name as though she didn’t want it to even grace the tips of her fingers or the movement of her hands. He didn’t belong in her veins but he was still working his way through her; he was revoking more of her dignity with every moment of silence. Barbara signed as she scrawled the name and placed the notepad in Elora’s hands before rising from her chair. She felt better but she couldn’t face it as Elora turned it right side up. It was definitive across the page and the ink spelled it out like the tears already had.</p>
<p>                <em>Peirce Evans. </em></p>
<p>                “Is this your boss, Barbara?” Elora didn’t sign it as she scrambled to follow, pointing at the name on the page with the tip of the pen.</p>
<p>                There couldn’t have been more at stake as Barbara’s shoulders dropped. She wanted it to go away. The hurt was buried behind those eyes and Elora was trying so hard to keep her from sailing off the edge of the cliff. They were too close to the answers. They were right there, ready to go after him, and there was no reason to hold back now. Barbara let out a slow, soft sigh as she nodded and signed the affirmation right along with it.</p>
<p>                Elora moved toward the door, opening it enough to get Fin’s attention, a resolute expression written on her face as she held the notepad against her chest. “We’ve got a name and more than enough to make an arrest.”</p>
<p>                “Who are we going after?” Fin was pulling apart a few documents between sips of coffee as he lifted his head to look at her.</p>
<p>                “Peirce Evans,” Elora lowered her voice and lifted her brows, driving the point home. “The CEO of Silver Tapestry.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This one hit hard. </p>
<p>There were moments that I had little tears in my eyes. I hope that it is everything that everyone would hope for. I really wanted the “first conversation” to mean something. There’s still so much to cover. Every bit of feedback is welcome.</p>
<p>To Aubrey…you kept me sane. To the girls in the writing group, Te Amo. </p>
<p>Patience has been an ally but...please know that I've been sick (and it isn't something that I'm taking lightly).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Quotes by:<br/>Martha Ostenso<br/>Shivani Aurora</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Entwined</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A named suspect, a Detective hanging by a thread, and lingering, old habits that die hard. Olivia discovers that the weaved web of secrecy that Elliot has brought into the squad room has elevated tensions…and she’s barely tapped into the surface of where he’s been.</p>
<p>“There is a line, I’m yet to sever—it goes from me to you.” – Lang Leav (Portion from Entwined)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>en·twine /ənˈtwīn/ verb past tense: entwined; past participle: entwined<br/>wind or twist together; interweave.</p>
<p>Sempre is “Always” in Italian.</p>
<p>Note: Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Silver Tapestry Inc. does not exist. It is, essentially, a combination of three companies.</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Need help? Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But we will be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Forever entwined</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In every moment</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And every memory</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We shared.</em>
</p>
<p>-Elliot Beck</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>12:45 PM</p>
<p>Gramercy Park, E 20 Street, New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “Why are we the ones out here looking for the missing pieces for Special Victims?” Hawkins lifted his head from behind the statue where he and Drummond had found Barbara, the irritation evident as he kicked at the rocks. “Shouldn’t that <em>bitch</em> Caruso be out here with her team doing this? Or are they too good for regular grunt work?”</p>
<p>                “We’re the ones that found her and you know that’s how it goes,” Drummond leaned across the marble and flicked at the recently cleaned water as her eyes rolled. “Plus, you’re just pissed that she gave you one hell of a shiner after you opened your mouth in front of the rest of them. They all saw the kind of hothead she is.”</p>
<p>                “Fuck her and the horse she rode out on,” Hawkins shoved his hands into his pockets, his breath visible as he shivered behind his thick coat. “I could be warm at my desk with my coffee but I’m out here with a black eye and no feeling in my testicles.”</p>
<p>                Drummond smirked at him from the desecrated flower beds as she rested on her knees and reached a little further into the water. “I highly doubt that…”</p>
<p>                “You know, you’re both disgusting,” Wyatt Avery moved past as he adjusted the closure on his coat, protecting himself from the cold and the rain as he followed the scuff patterns in the grass. “If you’d focus instead of discussing your off-duty extra-curricular, we’d be able to get out of here a hell of a lot quicker. Do you think you can manage to shut up for five minutes so we can finish clearing the scene?”</p>
<p>                Hawkins tilted his head to the side and approached Wyatt until his chest was almost touching his, encroaching on his personal space with a narrowed glare. “You’re not fooling anyone, Avery…we all know why you’re out here helping. You’d give your left nut to jump Caruso’s bones even though she’s used up, damaged goods.”</p>
<p>                “Keep it up, Hawkins, and I’ll make sure to match up your other eye real good,” Wyatt bit down on his tongue and grasped the front of Hawkins’s jacket, gently throttling him while Drummond watched from fifteen feet away. “Get you looking like a raccoon…the only meat Drummond will end up handling is some steak for your face.”</p>
<p>                “Are you two letting <em>her </em>come between the squad again?” Drummond lifted her chin and raised a brow, wrinkling her nose in a weak attempt to listen to the conversation. “You should just punch each other and move on…maybe Sweet Cheeks Avery will finally figure out that Caruso is just another female he didn’t need to swing his dick at. Didn’t you have a perfectly decent looking female for years or did you fuck that up?”</p>
<p>                “Jesus…” Wyatt shook his head and moved toward the trees, the irritation in his voice as he watched a group of crime scene investigators walk toward a section of pathways. “The fact that you two got exactly what you wanted and you still can’t get her name out of your mouth speaks volumes of how badly she’s gotten under your skin. You deserve everything. You deserve each other.”</p>
<p>                “One of these days you’re going to realize that being loyal to your precinct would serve you better than to some woman that doesn’t even give you the time of day,” Hawkins was in the mood to continue to poke the bear as he watched Wyatt stop making forward progress toward the line of investigators.</p>
<p>                “Hate to interrupt you two, but I might’ve found something,” Drummond was almost completely horizontal across the dingy surface of the marble, swirling a gloved hand across the water with a baggy in the other hand. “Found a rather impressive, busted bracelet down here…it’s got a gaudy amount of emerald stones in it.”</p>
<p>                “Maybe some rich, old biddy dropped it in there while she was feeding birds in here?” Hawkins shot her a look and sauntered toward the flower beds as she slipped it into an evidence bag before sitting up straight.</p>
<p>                “It’s a man’s bracelet, you idiot,” Drummond deadpanned him as she sealed it and wiggled it in front of his face while regaining her footing. “…not exactly the right size to accommodate a delicate, feminine wrist, now is it?”</p>
<p>                “I mean, that looks like something a Guido would wear,” Hawkins thought far better of himself than anyone else did as Wyatt glanced over Drummond’s shoulder to catch a glimpse of the bracelet.</p>
<p>                “You wouldn’t know expensive if it bit you on the ass, Hawkins,” Wyatt shook his head and thumbed the plastic covering that shrouded the piece of jewelry. “That thing is worth more than ninety days pay…right down to the way those stones are cut.”</p>
<p>                “Mack! Get this over to evidence for that rape case at Special Victims,” Drummond had Wyatt within arm’s length of her, an eyebrow raised as one of the investigators elevated his head from behind the bushes. “Unless Mister Caruso has a problem with that?”</p>
<p>                “No, no, no…fuck that,” Hawkins was flippant and the mere implication of Elora was enough to make the rage bubble to the surface as he snapped his fingers at Drummond while taking another step closer to Wyatt, his voice coming out like a growl. “Make lover boy take it over and pass the chain of custody all by his lonesome…it’ll be a cute little reunion for him. He’ll be able to see that this chick is, just a chick.”</p>
<p>                “Or come back to our squad room even more simpering than he already is,” Drummond had the bag hovering toward Mack, who was readily available in his NYPD issue jacket and rain gear, but opted to move it toward Wyatt with a smirk forming on her lips. “Either way, I’ll be thoroughly entertained at the prospect of the look on his face.”</p>
<p>                “You both need a better hobby,” Wyatt took the bag and glanced over at Mack, who shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “You want a little break from freezing your ass off, kid?”</p>
<p>                “Hell yeah,” Mack couldn’t have been more than twenty-five and his reddened, chilly nose was primed for a drip as he stuffed his hands into his pockets, eagerly nodding at Wyatt. “Fucking cold out here.”</p>
<p>                “Alright, kid, you’re with me,” Wyatt slapped him on the shoulder and gestured toward the side gate, in the direction of the waiting squad car parked on the other side. “You’re about to get a lesson in what happens when you’re not a tool to every precinct in Manhattan…and learning what it takes to not end up like these jackasses that everyone hates.”</p>
<p>                “Fuck you, Avery,” Hawkins elevated his middle finger, flipping Wyatt the bird as he started moving toward the gate, his voice full of frustration despite the smile on his face.</p>
<p>                Wyatt turned around only once, smirking as he returned the same gesture, waving it once at his colleagues before walking through the gates, following behind Mack. “Mack, do me a favor…”</p>
<p>                “Sure,” Mack hovered at the passenger side with a goofy grin on his face as Wyatt went around to the driver’s side.</p>
<p>                “Don’t turn into a dipshit like Hawkins and Drummond when you start advancing?” Wyatt opened the door and leaned against the top of the car, tapping the spot in front of the lights. “We got enough of them running around.”</p>
<p>                “Duly noted, Detective Avery,” Mack hopped into the car, the sheen of eagerness almost endearing to Wyatt.</p>
<p>                It might’ve come across as a bit of a joke request to Mack but Wyatt meant it with every fiber of his being as he saw a hollow memory of himself in the green uniformed officer next to him. At some point, reality took hold and shook life from Wyatt. It wasn’t that his partner had left him that had sucked away some of the brilliance from his perspective but that he hadn’t done enough to keep her there. Guilt had crept in and, somewhere in his gut, Wyatt wondered if Elora blamed him a little bit for how quickly her life flipped on its heels. In the depths of his soul, though, Wyatt craved nothing more than for her to know how hard he fought to keep her at his side.</p>
<p>                She meant more than any promotion and he’d already given up one for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>1:35 PM</p>
<p>Special Victims Unit</p>
<p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “Wanna run that name by me again, Elle?” Carisi rubbed the bridge of his nose and earned a wide grin from Elora as she crossed her arms and shifted in her heels. “You want me to get you an arrest warrant for a CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation?”</p>
<p>                “Peirce Evans,” Elora nodded and watched him fidget again while a groan slipped past his lips, the frustration evident as he made eye contact with her. “Sonny, it’s her boss and I worked hard to get her to admit it…we need his ass in a sling.”</p>
<p>                “You’re going to have to get me something more than a confession that you had to force a victim into giving,” Carisi bit down on his lip and spun, staring at the array of photos from the inside of the park, his wheels spinning as he had his back to her. “Do we have anything back on that rape kit yet or are you still waiting on it?”</p>
<p>                “It wasn’t forced but it was more work than necessary. You know none of this is quick and easy,” Elora jabbed him in the center of his back with her index and moved to his side, a coy smirk forming as she pressed her lips together. “We don’t have anything tangible. He was smart enough to wear a condom and the DNA swabbed from the bite marks isn’t flagging from any known database…”</p>
<p>                “Which would make a rich prick a lot more likely since the chances of him having a record are slim-to-none,” Carisi muttered and did his best not to look at Elora as a satisfied expression bloomed on her face. “No, you haven’t won shit, Caruso…I need something from this big pile of…nothing.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not trying to win, I’m trying to get a piece of crap rapist in an interrogation room for just long enough to set fire to the seat,” Elora leaned against the filing cabinet as Carisi’s eyes were on anything but the work in front of them. “Hey, focus.”</p>
<p>                “Sure, you aren’t,” Carisi’s voice was even further away as he teetered the cup against his palm, a brow elevated as his continued scrutinizing expression aimed beyond the scope of their discussion. “I am…”</p>
<p>                His line of sight was focused, directed at Amanda as she held her hand over her ear while having a conversation with her nanny. He hadn’t gotten caught staring in a while and Elora was expert at putting together the little details as she pushed a couple of pieces of paper across the desk to glance in the same direction. She wanted to laugh but it was more disheartening as Carisi cleared his throat to avoid getting caught in either of their crosshairs. Elora let out a quiet sigh and shook her head while Carisi buried his attention in the cup of coffee between his fingers. His solace, however, would be short lived as Elora didn’t let him leave the moment unaddressed.</p>
<p>                “You know, if you like a woman, you should stop gazing at her from across the squad room and just make a move, moron,” Elora was entirely too close to his arm as she nudged his elbow and nearly made him spew the coffee across the desk as she whispered with her back to Amanda.</p>
<p>                “Shit,” Carisi choked and grimaced at her, immediately embarrassed as his face turned a delightful shade of pink while he backtracked. “…the hell you talking about, Caruso? You’re a funny girl…funny, funny girl.”</p>
<p>                “You’re an idiot, Dominick Carisi,” Elora handed him a tissue for the fresh dribble of coffee on his chin, the delighted smile still hiding on her lips as she continued to prod at him. “I can tell you’re into Rollins when you look at her like she’s a goddamn cannoli.”</p>
<p>                Carisi was still half-choking on the coffee, his voice hoarse as he wiped his mouth while searching through the stack of paperwork. “Could we…<em>not</em> talk about my personal life and focus on the case? I’d like to focus on whether or not I’m going to be able to get that warrant.”</p>
<p>                “Chicken shit,” Elora scoffed, flicking his tie clip until it came loose from behind his gray vest while following his line of sight across the room all over again, where Amanda continued to pace with her phone against her cheek. “At least pretend to be paying attention to what I came here for, then, or I’m going to keep bothering you about her while your eyes are glued to her as though she’s a rare steak.”</p>
<p>                “You’re worse than my sisters,” Carisi shot her a sideways glance and pushed the lavender satin material of his tie back into position while he chewed on the inside of his cheek. “You tell me a compelling reason for marching my happy ass into a Judge’s office to get a warrant signed for Pierce Evans and I’ll get it done. Give me something, Elle.”</p>
<p>                “Maybe we have to do it without an arrest warrant because we don’t have anything other than her statement and disclosure,” Elora sank into a nearby chair and rolled across the floor to the mountain of paperwork, including the statement and preliminary results from the rape kit. “Barbara did hesitate, heavily, on naming him. The rape kit found saliva, spermicide from the condom, and heavy abrasions on the thighs, vaginal area, and down her back. This guy did a number on her and a moderate act of deception might get him down here.”</p>
<p>                “Hey, Caruso, you got someone from the one-three asking for you,” Officer Meadows tapped on the top of the filing cabinet to capture her attention, pointing over toward the door where Mack and Wyatt were standing near Olivia’s office door. “Said you’d know who he is…”</p>
<p>                Elora leaned forward with her legs crossed and peered around the edge of the cabinets until she could see his rain dusted figure already looking down at her with one of those shy smiles that coaxed a bite of her lip. “Yeah, I know him…I got this, Meadows, thanks.”</p>
<p>                “Who is that?” Carisi watched her demeanor change as she stood. “Elle? Weren’t you <em>just</em> flicking me shit about Rollins?”</p>
<p>                “Nunya,” Elora pushed the paperwork into Carisi’s hands and shook her head before moving forward, glancing back as she heard him chuckle. “Don’t start fights you can’t finish.”</p>
<p>                “I thought you were hiding from me,” Wyatt was a little sheepish with the evidence bag between his fingers as his grin deepened while she made her approach, his eyes unintentionally looking her down and up without even thinking about it. “You haven’t called or texted since you left.”</p>
<p>                “It’s been a little crazy around here,” Elora shoved her hands into her pockets and rocked against her heels, a soft note to her voice as she stood far closer than intended. “I wasn’t hiding from you, Wyatt…you know where I live.”</p>
<p>                Wyatt let out a hint of a laugh, taking his eyes off of her for a moment to gather his thoughts as the plastic rubbed together in his hand. “Yeah, I do know where you live.”</p>
<p>                “Why do I get the feeling you’re not here just to say hi even though you seem like you’re glad to see me?” Elora gestured to her desk as she caught a glimpse of her boss’s inquisitive stare from inside the office even as she kept most of her attention on Elliot Stabler. “Who is your shadow?”</p>
<p>                “Oh, this is Officer Henry Mack,” Wyatt followed her and snapped his fingers at the young officer behind him as he began to follow like a lost pup. “Everyone calls him Mack. Mack, this is Detective Elora Caruso…”</p>
<p>                “Despite the reputation that, I’m sure, has followed my legacy, I am not the bitch or any other pet name that you might’ve heard in your squad room, Mack,” Elora shook Mack’s hand and smirked as she pointed at a couple of chairs next to her desk, looking back to make the briefest eye contact with Amanda as she hung up her call. “Do either of you want coffee?”</p>
<p>                “Jesus, Elle,” Wyatt rolled his eyes and sat down as Mack’s eyebrows aimed at the ceiling, the shock more than evident as he sat down next to him. “Don’t let her extremely loud bark fool you…she doesn’t bite.”</p>
<p>                Elora picked up her cup of coffee and took a healthy swig as she slid into the seat behind the desk, never once taking her eyes off of Wyatt despite how much effort she’d put into quelling the elation written on her face. “Oh, see, Wyatt just doesn’t realize that I most certainly do bite but it’s usually because someone has asked first.”</p>
<p>                “Oops,” Mack hid the laughter behind his gloved palm and awkwardly shifted his weight in the chair as he found himself in the middle of a conversation he didn’t feel invited to. “Well, today’s been more eventful than I thought it would be when I woke up today.”</p>
<p>                “You’re scaring the rookie,” Wyatt had a satisfied grin as he leaned back, the evidence bag perched just enough for Elora to see it. “We do have something that might be pertinent to your case, though, so our visit isn’t entirely without cause.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not scared,” Mack swallowed hard as his attempt to not look jumpy went skidding out the door as his Adam’s apple bobbed a little higher.</p>
<p>                Elora leaned forward and caught an intriguing glance from Amanda as she hesitated to approach from the area near the coffee station while Wyatt elevated the bag. “Did the one-three go back out into the park and run a sweep?”</p>
<p>                “It’s still ongoing but we found something close to where your victim had been unconscious for a while before Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee found her,” Wyatt slid the bag across the center of the desk, aiming the bracelet at Elora with a gentle tap, the emeralds shimmering through the plastic. “We’ll need to get the proper chain of custody on it but I think it came off your guy.”</p>
<p>                Elora’s eyes bulged as she stood and captured Amanda’s full attention as she put the pot of coffee back on the warmer, “Rollins…you’re going to want to see this.”</p>
<p>                “Are we having a party over here or what?” Amanda came up beside her, not noticing the evidence bag on the desk as she gave a nod and smiled in Mack and Wyatt’s directions. “Who’s your friends, Caruso?”</p>
<p>                “Oh, shit, Amanda Rollins, this is Officer Henry Mack and Detective Wyatt Avery from the one-three, fellas, this is Detective Amanda Rollins,” Elora watched a sly grin form on her new partner’s lips as Wyatt’s name seem to cling in the air with a certain amount of energy as she reached to shake each one while the conversation continued. “The one-three kept working a search and located something that might…help us out.”</p>
<p>                “New partner?” Wyatt couldn’t help but ask it out loud as he shook Amanda’s hand, a little bit of irony laced in it as Elora did a double-take at him.</p>
<p>                “Old partner?” Amanda nodded and bit down on her tongue as she felt the laugh begging to push free.</p>
<p>                “Now that you two have successfully made it awkward, let’s get back to this,” Elora held up the bag and raised a brow, the tone of her voice changing as she held it closer to Amanda. “This looks like a very expensive, masculine bracelet that a very well off male would wear, wouldn’t you agree?”</p>
<p>                “Definitely something that a well-to-do, cocky CEO would wear,” Amanda tilted her head to the side as she studied the bracelet for a long moment, the decorative filigree standing out along the inner curve of the band as the light angled across it. “We need to get the chain of custody arranged so that can be dusted for prints and run for particulates. I’ll snag that paperwork.”</p>
<p>                “You’re going to need one of us to finish it,” Wyatt started to stand but Amanda had other plans as she aimed the bag at Mack before he could straighten his spine.</p>
<p>“Officer Mack, you’re not busy, follow me…we’ll go get that paperwork,” Amanda smirked and put the bag back in his hands as he scrambled to stand. “Give you a crash course on navigating this building.”</p>
<p>                Elora waited until Amanda was around the corner before letting out a low sigh as she sank into her chair again, her gaze lingering at her former partner’s face as he settled into his own. “I meant to say thank you for the tea, by the way…”</p>
<p>                “You still think it was just tea,” Wyatt fiddled with the zipper on his coat and dropped his field of vision toward the floor, at the toes of his boots as he allowed his back to relax.</p>
<p>                “It’s not?” Elora couldn’t have been more confused as she started to reach for the drawer where she’d nestled the tin. “What is it, then?”</p>
<p>                “It’s just not tea—but do me a favor and don’t open it until after I’m gone?” Wyatt finally made eye contact with her and tilted his head to one side as she was spending entirely too long examining him visually. “Don’t look at me like that.”</p>
<p>                “Like what?” Elora rested her chin against her palm, covering the fresh blush on one side of her face as he narrowed his eyes at her.</p>
<p>                “Like you’re prepping to interrogate me. I know all of your facial cues and I know that one,” Wyatt crossed his arms as his spine went rigid while he composed himself in front of her, the tone of his voice wavering for a moment. “There are days when I start to turn toward your desk…and you’re not there.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t do this to me right now, Wyatt. You know I couldn’t stay and you know it wasn’t because of you,” Elora held a breath and felt tears forming for the second time in less than a day as she sat feet from the only man that she’d allowed into her inner circle and cut away just as quickly. “There’s been so much that’s happened and I can’t keep piling on the pain.”</p>
<p>                Wyatt turned his chin up and followed the lines on the ceiling as his thoughts swirled once more over his former partner. “Elle, how long are you planning on keeping me carefully placed just outside your life, looking in?”</p>
<p>                “You’re funny that you think I even have a front-row seat of my own life to dictate who is included in it,” Elora elevated a knee and rested it against the edge of the desk, leaning back until she was reclining just enough to resemble a child. “Toss the match on the pile of kindling and just watch it burn Wyatt…everything already smells like an accelerant.”</p>
<p>                “Those metaphors,” Wyatt shrugged his shoulders and stared her down until he knew he’d made her uncomfortable enough to fidget. “I don’t know what’s more tragic…that I keep looking for you wherever I go…”</p>
<p>                “Or that you’re never there,” Elora finished the quotation and stood, meeting him at the edge of the desk as she attempted to evade another quick maneuver from him, failing miserably. “Why? You were just supposed to be my partner, idiot.”</p>
<p>                Wyatt intercepted her wrist and tugged her back, enveloping her in a necessary embrace despite the visibility in front of her squad room. “How many times have I told you that your definition of that word and mine are a little different?”</p>
<p>                Elora had gotten used to the scent of Wyatt’s aftershave and cologne long ago and the hints of Versace spoke of every Christmas gift from his mother, providing that comfort she’d missed. It hadn’t been that long but it felt like ages as she inhaled the mint, lemon, and green apple with vanilla and coiled her fingers around the hem of his jacket. She’d cried against his frame more times than she could count but it never lasted long after his broad shoulders and strong grip wrapped tightly around her like the most comfortable blanket. He’d been her security. He had been her rock.</p>
<p>                He had been there when no one else was and became the definition of a best friend even when she did everything to run from it.</p>
<p>                “I’ll always have your six,” Elora whispered it in his ear, letting it out like it were a secret she’d held in as she slowly let go of his coat and backed up.</p>
<p>                Wyatt inhaled another breath and tucked a single tendril of hair behind her ear, finding sublimity in her eyes as he rocked in his boots. “Sempre.”</p>
<p>                Amanda hadn’t intended on wrecking a moment but coming back into the squad room with Mack did exactly that as her voice carried and the tapping of her heels captured Elora and Wyatt’s attention. “With this in our evidence collection, we might have enough to get that warrant…we can expedite a DNA sweep immediately.”</p>
<p>                “That’s great,” Elora forced a smile and sidestepped, posturing just in front of Wyatt awkwardly as Amanda made a face at her. “Let’s get the lab on it, then?”</p>
<p>                “We should probably get going before the rest of our squad thinks we’re just over here socializing,” Wyatt intentionally pressed his fingers against Elora’s lower back and watched the trail of gooseflesh spring up across every inch of her exposed skin as she turned her head to look at him. “It was good to see you.”</p>
<p>                Elora let the chills run through her as it invited an unnecessary ache in the pit of her stomach while she stared at his bottom lip to gather her thoughts. “You know where I am…you don’t have to be a stranger.”</p>
<p>                Wyatt shifted his chin and raised his brows while moving toward the door, jiggling his cell phone at her. “…keep an eye on your phone, then?”</p>
<p>                “You got it,” Elora bit down on the corner of her lip as she watched him go, the strings of amity stretching as he took a last look before turning the corner.</p>
<p>                “So, that old partner of yours is awfully attractive,” Amanda shattered the silence, purposely pushing Elora’s buttons as she chewed on her lip and fidgeted in the middle of the room. “Did you two…”</p>
<p>                “No,” Elora had a certain level of restraint discussing him even though it was natural to have that kind of attachment to someone who had spent so long at her side. “Wyatt is complicated and a lack of reserve with him came from trauma…I can’t help thinking if it crossed a line that it would ruin it.”</p>
<p>                Amanda knew it was intrusive but she said it anyway, the boldness of the comment coming out like a cascade of pushy, sibling-like advice. “You can ignore me if you want but don’t let a hang-up kill something potentially good. A guy doesn’t look at just any woman like that one was looking at you.”</p>
<p>                “Yeah, well…” Elora was staring at the handle of her drawer where she’d stashed the tin he’d given her, the notion he’d been up to something eating at her as she drew in a breath and held it there. “I tend to destroy a lot of my happiness and I’m afraid that he’d never look at me the same.”</p>
<p>                “Allow him to make that decision?” Amanda looked over her shoulder, at Olivia as Elliot was sneaking another touch of her hand behind the glass while they paced the floor. “Some things don’t die…I’ve started to notice.”</p>
<p>                “We have more to concentrate on right now,” Elora was caught between the bloom of wanting to let go and watching the oncoming traffic preparing to hit head on as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I think it’s time to interrupt the reunion.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>2:10 PM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora knocked and turned the handle while her stomach seized, spun, and nearly doubled her over as the instinct to retch took over. “Captain? I hate to interrupt…”</p>
<p>                “Elora, please, come in,” Olivia knew it was coming and it still was hitting her like a freight train as her eyes met the inquiring face of one of her detectives. “I was just about to come to get you.”</p>
<p>                “That can’t be good,” Elora was doing everything to keep from making eye contact with Elliot as she held onto her elbows and rubbed the fabric of her shirt while her tongue pushed against the inside of her cheek. “What did I do this time?”</p>
<p>                “Nothing,” Olivia had a weak smile on her face as she maneuvered around Elora, pushing the door shut, closing the three of them in the room with a slight sense of foreboding as she came back to the front of her. “I know that today hasn’t exactly gone the way that one would expect and you’ve handled it better than anyone anticipated you would. Something has come up and I know you’ve probably begun to suspect as much.”</p>
<p>                “My stepbrother and his son,” Elora muttered and finally looked at Elliot, a fire in her eyes as the urge to yell at him crawled to the surface of every moment of confusion and irritation she’d been burying. “I’m not the same Detective that I was when I was given the order to transfer Dickie to your precinct but if they’ve gotten themselves into trouble again, I refuse to allow you to save either of them if they don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>                “He’s my son and it’s not the same as before,” Elliot was tentative as he spoke, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground as he took a step closer, moving within arm’s length of her in hopes of bringing his volume down a notch. “Something is different this time and all I want to do is make sure neither of them gets killed over their stupidity. If you know anything—”</p>
<p>                “I would never keep a secret for Justin,” Elora narrowed her eyes at him and squeezed her fists, the anger bubbling as she encroached on his personal space. “He left his kids in my care and gave no word on where he was going or when he’d be coming back for them. My career is not worth the risk of protecting him. I would put him in another jail cell in a heartbeat.”</p>
<p>                “No one is accusing or insinuating that you would, Elora,” Olivia knew it could potentially get ugly in the room as Elora’s voice elevated before cracking while the tension notched a little higher. “Elliot is caught between the same rock and hard place that you are. Whether we want to admit it or not, family is family, even when they’ve decided to do something stupid.”</p>
<p>                “The faith that Liv has put in you tells me everything that I need to know about you, Detective,” Elliot still had a way with words and he knew when he was about to get punched as he saw the suspect white color of Elora’s knuckles at her side. “I didn’t come here to put pressure on you but they both fucked up this time…and it was enough to get on the radar of my team.”</p>
<p>                “They got into that syndicate, didn’t they?” Elora’s knees were giving and her muscles twitched at the thought as her hand found the edge of a shelf for balance.</p>
<p>                “It’s looking like that,” Elliot sighed and felt Olivia’s eyes on him in his peripheral as she crossed her arms and held them close to her ribs, keeping him only half focused on the conversation. “It’s more than the drugs and moving product—”</p>
<p>                “Escalation to moving assets? Human trafficking?” Elora wanted to vomit as the thought crossed her mind and the reality set in that her brother was moving past the point of redemption. “Everything he could’ve done to ruin his life and he chooses to do that. Guarantees that he’s going to lose his daughters.”</p>
<p>                “Your brother used to talk about all of it, didn’t he?” Elliot couldn’t help but wonder how much Elora knew as he watched her expression contort from the conflict as it changed in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>                Elora nodded, the failure sinking further into her depths as she let her mind unwrap the fate that Justin had just left for his daughters. “I used to think he was just blowing smoke to lure in Dickie but…this is too many times and I know this time is different. He let it swallow him up. How long have you known?”</p>
<p>                “It changed six months ago and both of them popped up on the organized crime radar around the same time,” Elliot recognized that look like one he’d had on his face more than a few times as Elora sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and held it there, grappling with the urge to scream. “They made a half a million-dollar deal with the devil and sealed their reputations.”</p>
<p>                “We know the particulars but what does that mean for Justin and Dickie?” Olivia was on the outside looking in, her heartbreaking for the man that had been occupying so much space in her heart despite his absence and the newest member of her team that had already been cutting open her soul. “It can’t be a dead-end…they’re still family.”</p>
<p>                “You’re far more optimistic than I am,” Elora had a single tear sliding down her cheek as she looked at Olivia, the undeniable level of care hitting her head on as her boss’s hands were shaking. “I’m used to fighting this battle alone.”</p>
<p>                “Not anymore,” Olivia couldn’t let her think that anymore as she reached out to squeeze her shoulder, passing seamlessly from boss to friend in a heartbeat. “That stopped the second you came here. This isn’t just a team, Elora, it is a family and it always will be.”</p>
<p>                The comment struck a chord and Elora’s concept of family blitzed her memories like a series of flashes, starting with the fractured pieces of her parentage. The word hadn’t meant anything for a long time beyond the bright smiles of the little girls currently running amok at her penthouse. Too much was missing and there had been a lot left unsaid since her conception. Somehow, as Elliot’s unfamiliar face and Olivia’s growing normality became unconventionally attached to her, she secretly had begun to crave the casualness. Informality didn’t come easy and neither did closeness.</p>
<p>                “I cannot illuminate enough to both of you just how jacked up my concept of family is,” Elora knew the bitter sting of defeat and it was hitting her hard as emotional instability nipped at her while the catastrophe of her day continued to ramp up. “Letting go and trusting the concept doesn’t come easily.”</p>
<p>                Elliot didn’t want to make the situation worse but he was already seeing the lingering effects of Elora’s preoccupation with Justin’s choices as he stroked his chin and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I know there’s more to this but you’ve got more than enough to concentrate on…you’re more likely to hear from both of them before I do and if you do, I need to know.”</p>
<p>                “Believe me when I tell you this,” Elora pursed her lips together and forced a smile as she fathomed hearing from Justin or Dickie. “If either of them happens to be that stupid…they’ll be praying that it isn’t me that finds them first.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hate to cliffhanger this but…the chapter ran from me. I’ll start in on the sixth immediately. How exciting!</p>
<p>Quotes by: <br/>Lang Leav<br/>Elliot Beck</p>
<p>References to remembrance quote (Wyatt and Elora).</p>
<p>Prepare for serious sexual tension and so much more. Oh, btw, I hope we like where this is going.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Combustibles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The team makes a pivotal arrest in Barbara’s rape case, but Elora’s crumbling psyche pushes the limit during interrogation, unveiling a side of her that causes Olivia to notice multiple parallels to an echo of Elliot Stabler.</p><p>“He was swimming in a sea of other people’s expectations. Men had drowned in seas like that.” -Robert Jordan</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>com·bus·tion /kəmˈbəsCH(ə)n/<br/>the process of burning something.<br/>"The combustion of fossil fuels"</p><p>Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Silver Tapestry Inc. does not exist. It is, essentially, a combination of three companies (The address belongs to LVMH). The use of “Prodigal Son” was well before the title was leaked. I was working on multiple projects and this one took a backseat. Try not to come for my head.</p><p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p><p>Need Help? Call 800.656.HOPE(4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You can’t calm the storm…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So stop trying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What you can do</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is calm yourself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The storm will pass.</em>
</p><p>-Timber Hawkeye</p><p> </p><p>Tuesday, November 12th, 3:15 PM</p><p>19 E 57<sup>th</sup> Street</p><p>New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                “Don’t look at me like that,” Olivia glanced at Fin as they pulled up to the side of the Silver Tapestry Inc. corporate building on East 57<sup>th</sup> as she accompanied them on their arrest warrant. “This isn’t the time.”</p><p>                “You can act like the return of the <em>prodigal son</em> hasn’t rocked the foundations of your world but the look on your face ratting you out in more ways than one, Liv,” Fin was acting less like a Sergeant and more like a brother as he nagged at her a bit while Amanda and Elora slid out of the second squad car.</p><p>                “I am not in any mood to discuss this right now, Fin. We will have a conversation about this later,” Olivia glanced at the storefront, at the shared space with Dior before glancing back at Amanda, who had her eyebrows aimed straight up. “Don’t ask.”</p><p>                Elora already knew what was going on but the conflict was brewing and Olivia wasn’t having any of it as the group of four went in through the front entrance, flashing badges as they passed the front desk. “Kat wasn’t too pissed about being the gopher over the rest of the evidence that CSU collected from Gramercy and staying behind to finish putting it on a rush, right?”</p><p>                “No, she’s trying her best to look at it as a learning experience instead of being ditched,” Fin shook his head, wrapping his head around being a mentor to their youngest team member despite her time with them. “She’s still green and doesn’t realize that time with the squad doesn’t mean experience.”</p><p>                “I mean, I wouldn’t blame her if she harbored some serious issues in regards to my presence,” Elora pinned her lip between her teeth, following him around a corner, an element of understanding brewing as Fin glanced at her. “Newness…I was a semi-permanent, unwelcomed member of the one-three and resentment can become a comfortable blanket. My first day at SVU was day and night by comparison.”</p><p>                “Kat still has to grow and adjust her way of thinking to accommodate rules of SVU instead of prior procedurals,” Fin nodded, nudging Elora as a security guard gave Olivia the nod toward a set of elevators, where they waited. “Adjustment periods are different for everyone.”</p><p>                “She won’t start to resent you,” Amanda was overhearing enough of the conversation to understand the gist as she interjected an opinion. “If she does, she’ll just have to get over it.”</p><p>                Olivia hadn’t noticed the growing discomfort in Elora until she turned to see her body language, recognizing the rigid stance and the bright, white hue of her knuckles as the elevator doors parted. It was understandable but Olivia couldn’t tell if there was a pattern developing. She wanted to chalk it up to the increase in stress; piling it in couldn’t be easy and she’d been there, in varying degrees. Olivia was clouded, though, as she couldn’t help but identify with Elora on a deeper level than a simple superior and subordinate. It was becoming painfully obvious to everyone else, as well, as the linear connections were dotting along, weaving through the parts of her battered armor until a simple tug would disarm her completely.</p><p>                Elliot’s unexpected, emotional return wasn’t assisting in the endeavor to keep the wall of separation up, either, as she felt every string of her heart tugging, unraveling what was left.</p><p>                 “I need you to tell me if you’re losing focus,” Olivia lingered behind after the doors opened and grasped Elora at the wrist, holding her at the metal edge as a chill passed through the corridor. “No one is going to fault you for it.”</p><p>                Elora bit down on the tip of her tongue, burying a lie, and cleared her throat as she felt the heat rush to her cheeks with embarrassment. “The only way I’m going to be able to prove that I’m fine is by keeping my head up, my shoulders square, and my line of sight on the task…there will be time to break when no one is staring at me.”</p><p>                “Well, don’t let it cloud the way you conduct yourself today, okay?” Olivia started to move down the hall, her focus divided between the task in front of them and the unyielding responsibility that was drowning her in the form of a squared-off jaw and blue eyes. “Getting Peirce Evans to comply with coming down to the station without the suspicion of what Carisi is doing at One Police Plaza is going to be difficult.”</p><p>                “I can be charming enough,” Elora’s eyelashes fanned and her grin hid something beguiling as she tilted her head to the side and followed Olivia to the final curve in the hallway. “Persuasively charming…I’ll keep my claws retracted and my teeth to myself.”</p><p>                “I’ve heard that before,” Olivia couldn’t help but see a little bit of Elliot’s ghost rooted in Elora as she briefly made eye contact with her. “Right before an intervention because that person was smacking the shit out of a suspect in interrogation one.”</p><p>                “Stabler?” Elora elevated her brows and pressed her lips together, pulling a layer of her Captain’s invisible armor off as though it were nothing as she made the heavy comment with a modest consideration to Wyatt at the back of her mind. “No one hits their former partner in the face simply because they left, Olivia. He obviously made an impact on your life in more ways than one.”</p><p>                Olivia swallowed hard as the comment rooted around, pushing every button until she could feel the heat in her cheeks despite the truth in it. “It isn’t the time, it isn’t the place, and I—”</p><p>                “I get it,” Elora had her hand on a door handle as she shifted her weight from left to right, the understanding profound as she gave a singular nod. “More than you know.”</p><p>                “You must be Captain Benson,” Peirce Evans was certainly prepared to pour on the allure as his deep, almost sapphire blue eyes did their best to captivate from across the room. “Your Sergeant was just informing me that there was some issue with one of my employees? You’ll have to narrow it down since I’m sure you’re aware of the size of my company.”</p><p>                Olivia barely touched his palm, evading the less-than-comfortable stare he was giving her as she moved toward the floor-to-ceiling windows, her guard up. “You know I can’t disclose that kind of information, Mister Evans. We just have a very concerning complaint that we’d like to discuss with you back at the precinct where you aren’t in full view of your entire staff.”</p><p>                “Intellect over power moves, Captain,” Peirce wasn’t looking at Olivia as he circled the desk and planted his backside against the edge, staring directly at Elora as though he could be pervasive enough about it. “Having me surrounded by men, and women, with guns at their hip puts me at a disadvantage but serves a purpose to render me defenseless, reducing me to a disconcerting, concerned mess. It’s basic tactics.”</p><p>                “You’re surrounded by the same in the room and you have a wide-open view to be witnessed from the hallway,” Olivia smirked, strategically watching Elora’s unmistakably loud body language in her periphery doing more than enough to convince him to keep looking.</p><p>                “Unless you like an audience?” Elora’s voice dropped an octave and knocked Peirce off-balance as he leaned against an old-fashioned inkwell, nearly dousing his desk in the stuff.</p><p>                She had him nailed and he was salivating over the idea. Olivia glanced back at Fin and caught the knowing nod with the smile hidden underneath. Elora had carried enough of her tension upstairs that she was channeling it into something a little below the belt but effective as Peirce’s attention was entirely on her. He was a moth drawn to a flame; she was about to smash him against the floor, though.</p><p>                “My staff knows not to be discussing what they see going on in this office,” Peirce was stammering, tripping over each word as though he hadn’t been speaking English for all that long while he fumbled with the nameplate in a weak attempt to look masculine. “They’re loyal.”</p><p>                “So, that’s a yes to the audience, then?” Elora didn’t need to look at Olivia to get the approval as she took the dominant stance, crossing her arms with a curious smile plastered on her lips. “Preferential to being observed? Watched? Regarded with such high esteem?”</p><p>                Peirce coughed and straightened his spine, the dark hair balanced above his blue eyes and an expensive suit that etched every jagged line. “Captain, you have a very assertive, intriguing Detective in your ranks. I didn’t catch her name, though.”</p><p>                “Apt to recognize rank, Mister Evans? Interesting,” Olivia was almost as determined to tear him to shreds as Elora as she crossed her arms across her chest, scrutinizing him a little more. “Detective Caruso.”</p><p>                “Oh, and I’m so sure you were noticing assertion and intrigue,” Elora chuckled and glanced over at Olivia, the amusement climbing as she took another step forward, into his bubble. “Now, you want to rethink that subject about having an audience? I mean, you can have the same prying eyes down at the precinct but the chair might be a touch more rigid on your…high maintenance behind.”</p><p>                “I detect a hint of high-strung spirit from you,” Peirce finally addressed her, doing more to bore into her like a douchebag than a rapist but it was equally as effective as Fin scoffed in the background.</p><p>                “She’ll chew you up, spit you out, and leave you in a heap before you can even ask what happened, playboy,” Fin stroked his chin, the tone of his voice level yet decisive as Elora maintained her footing despite Peirce attempting to tower in front of her. “It’s really in your best interest like I mentioned before Captain Benson stepped into the room—you don’t want assumptions to be made about you.”</p><p>                “You just want to corner a guy and pin some wild accusation on them,” Peirce rolled his eyes and moved beyond the edge of the desk to gather a bottle of water, drinking in haste as he seemed to be panicking. “A perfect target is a rich man with countless assets…so, I’ll ask again, which employee is making the accusation?”</p><p>                “Sir? You have that meeting at four with Lindstrom and Co. They’re requesting the presentation documentation now,” Peirce’s assistant didn’t even wait for the permission to open the door, pulling the focus of everyone in the room, slightly naïve to the exact nature of their discussion. “I’m sorry, it couldn’t wait and I know you hate being unprepared.”</p><p>                They had him by the shorthairs and his demeanor was taking a dramatic shit as he glanced at the mousy, soft-voiced man at the door, his glasses framing the pale visage and dark eyes. Peirce looked nervous as he moved the toe of his shoe along the shag of his area rug, the discomfort taking shape in the form of fidgeting. Elora had a satisfied, modest smile on her face as she peeked over at Olivia. It could’ve been twisted as gloating but Olivia knew better. Peirce wasn’t about to have his reputation put on the line over gossip even if it were soaked in truth.</p><p>                “Matt, inform Lindstrom and Co. that I’ll be rescheduling that meeting and hold all calls until I tell you to,” Peirce coughed and gathered his jacket as the energy changed with the rising tension. “I will be accompanying New York’s finest to their precinct for a few questions.”</p><p>                “Wait, what’s going on Mister Evans?” Matt had an inquisitive, concerned look as he lowered his voice and held the door close to the side of his face, blocking the sound coming from behind him. “Do you need anything?”</p><p>                “Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Matt,” Peirce glanced at the pleased expression on Elora’s face and gulped at the prospect while he slid his arms into the sleeves before regaining eye contact with his assistant. “On second thought…tell Wesley to be on standby.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How far can you go down the</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wrong path before you can’t</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Get back on the right one?</em>
</p><p>-Carolee Dean</p><p> </p><p>5:00 PM</p><p>Gapstow Bridge, Central Park</p><p>New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                The amber glow flickered as the last sliver of light ducked behind the horizon. The rain was turning into sleet and the last of the leaves that had been desperately clinging to branches finally touched the ground. The icy precursor to winter was drawing near and the crowds were disappearing, dwindling to the faithful, more intent lovers of ice and the incoming snow. Gapstow Bridge was mainly covered by the shadows of clawlike branches from the leaning trees that surrounded it. The wind began to howl and the taps of boots against brick and rock were muted against the sounds of the city in the background.</p><p>                “Get rid of it,” The first voice snarled at the highest spot, in the center of the bridge, peering over the other’s shoulder as the blue glow of a cell phone captured his attention.</p><p>                “I will,” He was sullen, stricken by the circumstances, as he held the phone to his ear as he drew it across to answer, reluctance setting in. “…Dad? Dad…you can’t keep calling…I’m done with your bullshit. Stop trying to chase me…No, you listen to me. You’re chasing ghosts and I won’t be caught…Got it?”</p><p>                “Dick, you gotta fucking hang up,” the third was less unfeeling than the first as he gripped his shoulder, reminding him and encouraging him to end the call. “Get rid of the phone, Stabler.”</p><p>                Dick Stabler held a breath and hung up the phone, his dishwater blond locks just barely sticking out from under his skullcap as he made eye contact with the brunette next to him, frustration looming. “Don’t rush me, Justin. You haven’t thrown away your phone and I know your sister keeps fucking calling every hour. You’re being a hypocrite.”</p><p>                “My sister ain’t turning the whole of New York upside-down to find me. She’d rather kill me first. You know that,” Justin grinned and leaned against the thick, rock parapet as the first, loud splash came from behind them, barely inciting a flinch. “Don’t act like you don’t wish I’d call back so you can listen in and breathe heavy next to my head.”</p><p>                “She drives me fucking <em>batshit</em> with that high and mighty Detective bullshit she lives and breathes. Just enough that I wouldn’t mind winding my hand around that ponytail she wears,” Dick had a wide grin as he pulled the phone apart and tossed it, piece by piece, into the water, making Justin less comfortable by the second as he continued with the thought. “Bet she’d be pissed to know that I snuck a peek or three of her in the shower when you were sleeping on her couch during that rough patch with your ex…”</p><p>                “Dude, that’s my sister,” Justin grimaced and glanced back at the second, large object as it went over the side of the bridge from their muscular company. “She’d point another gun at you and I’d just laugh at your dumb, out of your league ass.”</p><p>                Dick scanned his line of sight, squinting out into the dim, his focus on doing what he’d been asked to do despite the itch in his veins and the dryness in his throat. “The park patrol is going to be coming through here soon and if they don’t hurry the fuck up…we’re all going to be in trouble and kiss a payload goodbye.”</p><p>                Dick glanced back, at the mass being hoisted onto the edge, pulling the top apart as it snagged along the stonework. An arm flopped out and the pale, unrecognizable face was visible beyond the thick, black material that concealed him from the world. Their large, muscular company pushed the arm back inside and gave the zippered closure a firm tug until there were no limbs or a face to be seen. It didn’t matter, though, it was burned into Dick’s brain and it had once done the same to Justin’s.</p><p>                They’d made their choice, however wrong, and there was no coming back from it.</p><p>                Justin couldn’t help but notice the twitching and knew that Dick couldn’t blame it on the cold as the sleet stung just enough to give an unpleasant reminder that it was coming down a little harder. “It hasn’t been long since you had a fix, man, you’re gonna have to figure out how to get that under control or the shake in your hand will get noticed.”</p><p>                “I got it, it’s fine,” Dick’s jaw was tight and he was pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek as the wind swirled and the men behind them whistled after the final push hit the water. “Well, they are finally done—what’s next?”</p><p>                “Dockside pickup,” Justin looked at the digital display of his watch and elevated a brow as they gestured toward the east, in the direction of East Drive. “Are you sure you’re fine with this? You look like you’re gonna barf all over your shoes then mine.”</p><p>                “Ah, come on, I’m tougher than that, Justin,” Dick flashed teeth, his bloodshot eyes far away as they followed their muscle down the beaten path. “I just need a stiff drink and a trip to the club for a little distraction.”</p><p>                Justin was on high alert still, even as they neared the edge of Central Park, his eyes on anything but his cohort next to him. “Just focus on getting through the next two hours before you start contemplating the celebration, kid. We don’t need to get ahead of ourselves tonight. You’ve already gotten us into trouble twice in a week.”</p><p>                Dick scoffed and saw the door sliding open to the van parked at the edge of the street with its hazards on, official-looking tags and markings. “Well, I won’t make another mistake…not this time.”</p><p>                “You better hope not,” Justin held the edge of the van door and lowered his voice, a mild sneer creeping across his lips as he delivered the warning. “Or else it’ll be us they toss over that bridge next time.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She’s been through hell</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And came out, an angel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You didn’t break her, darling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You don’t own that kind of power.</em>
</p><p>-BMM Poetry</p><p> </p><p>5:15 PM</p><p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct, Special Victims Unit</p><p>New York, NY</p><p> </p><p>                “He is complaining about the chair,” Fin pulled the door shut with a gentle thud, leaving Peirce alone in Interrogation One, an irritated expression on his face as he made eye contact with Amanda. “The only thing that he seems to be interested in is interfacing a little more with Caruso.”</p><p>                “Asking for sanitizer? He should be glad no one has shoved his face where his backside should rest,” Amanda rolled her eyes, crossing her arms tightly across her chest with a studied look on her face as she tilted her head to one side. “Maybe it’s time to give him a little bit of what he wants, then?”</p><p>                “Do you think it’s a good idea to put me in that room with that <em>son</em> of a bitch?” Elora spun from peering through the window, her voice climbing as the idea had her head spinning just thinking about it. “I already toed the line in his office and I’ve had two hours to stew in the frustration. Pour the gasoline on the fire.”</p><p>                “I know you can keep your hands to yourself,” Amanda raised a brow at her, slightly more motherly than sarcastically as Elora held a breath and instinctively cracked her knuckles.</p><p>                “Oh, do I have to?” Elora smirked and looked back at him through the glass, a disgruntled groan emanating from her gut as she exhaled slowly. “He’d probably get a little enjoyment out of being manhandled by me, anyway.”</p><p>                Elora’s peripheral was more than a little bit of a distraction as she bit down on the center curve of her bottom lip and turned just in time to see Elliot Stabler walking from left to right with Olivia. His presence was eating at her and destroying her ability to concentrate. Elora lifted her chin just enough and the harrowed, unintentionally intense stare met the intrepid steel blues of Elliot’s as he tilted his head into her line of sight. One of them was going to break and Elora already had a feeling that fate’s evil eye would turn toward her. The storm was brewing and Elora couldn’t help but wonder if this one was going to swallow her up or if she’d emerge from the wreckage.</p><p>                “…Elle?” Amanda touched her shoulder and pulled her hand back at the involuntary jerk from being startled. “Were you with us or did you zone out?”</p><p>                Elora rubbed the bridge of her nose and shook her head as she made eye contact with her partner, a mellowed tone in her voice taking over. “Sorry, I was thinking and maybe, you’re both right. I should go in there and press…but I need someone to check on the DNA to guarantee I’m not about to cause more problems for the NYPD by being problematic.”</p><p>                “You’re not going to get physical with him, are you?” Fin’s sternness stopped Elora in her tracks as he cleared his throat and loudly cracked his knuckles despite the physicality it hinted at. “I don’t want you to go in there if you already know where that leads.”</p><p>                “I haven’t been a hothead before and I don’t plan on starting now,” Elora turned the handle and felt it give beneath her grip as the stale air from inside the interrogation room wafted into her nostrils, ushering her further. “Have a little faith in my ability to exhibit self-control.”</p><p>                It wasn’t a lack of faith that was causing Fin and Amanda to have concern over Elora’s state of mind. She was faltering in methodology and it was becoming more apparent by the hour. The slap had set off a chain reaction and Elora was becoming less restrained with her emotions, attitudes, and perceptions about what stood in front of her. There was not as much drive for placation. Whether or not it was going to translate into something violent was yet to be seen but Fin had suspicions and doubts.</p><p>                He’d witnessed it before and slipped comfortably into that position more than once.</p><p>                “Well, well, well, Detective Caruso,” Peirce’s spine straightened and his shoulders squared off as he slid back up in the chair, staring at her as she closed the door. “I was beginning to think I was being ignored in here and that they were going to send that Sergeant in here instead of you.”</p><p>                “Oh, would you prefer Sergeant Fin?” Elora spun as she moved in the direction of the door, retreating just enough to elicit a healthy groan from Peirce. “I could go get hi—”</p><p>                “No, no, you stay,” Peirce cut her off and stroked his chin, the eagerness far more evident than he’d anticipated as the chair legs scraped across the floor. “I asked to talk to you and here you are. Either you’re just as captivated by me or you plan on using it against me.”</p><p>                “Don’t think so highly of yourself, Mister Evans,” Elora paced the floor, purposely keeping her backside out of a chair and her posture above his as she dragged her fingertips across the top of the table. “Tell me what you know about Barbara Frazier.”</p><p>                “Oh, is that who we’re here about?” Peirce tapped the top of the steel table, letting his eyes wander over as much of Elora as he could get away with before humming while exhaling. “I barely keep tabs on my assistant and we spend most of the day attached at the hip, Detective.”</p><p>                “Do you want to know the secret to spotting a liar, Mister Evans?” Elora propped her backside against the table to where she was invading his personal space, forcing him to lean back to look up at her.</p><p>                “It’s Peirce, Detective Caruso,” Peirce had a bead of sweat gliding down his forehead just above his brow as his chin tilted to stare, his smirk barely there while her eyes narrowed. “I’ll take that bait as long as you tell me your first name.”</p><p>                “Elora,” She emphasized her name and crossed her legs, further encroaching on the diminishing bubble between the table and Peirce’s lap. “The easiest way to identify a liar, Peirce, is watching how quickly they start to twitch and sweat…and you’re doing both.”</p><p>                “Am I?” Peirce’s eyes were darting between Elora’s eyes, cleavage, and thighs as he swallowed hard and feverishly wiped the sweat from his brow while sliding the chair back. “Well, can’t blame a guy for getting twitchy when they are six inches from having an NYPD Detective’s shoes up against his dick.”</p><p>                “I don’t think that’s what’s making you ready to confess like a sinner in church unless there’s some inner Catholic guilt going on about sporting wood when you don’t know if you’re being surveilled by those cameras in the corner,” Elora flashed a pretty smile and pushed her palms against the table after pivoting to face him completely. “Now, you want to tell me again what you know about Barbara Frazier? I’m sure you’re just experiencing some…memory loss.”</p><p>                “God, I bet you are loud and aggressive in the sack,” Peirce groaned as Elora’s knees were perched above the wide space between his, the instinct to lick his lips undeniable as the dry mouth set in. “You really should wear skirts instead of slacks…”</p><p>                “Stick to the topic, Peirce,” Elora snapped her fingers in front of his face and watched his posture change as his spine went rigid to resemble something more imposing in front of her. “I want to know about Barbara. I really hate asking twice.”</p><p>                “What? Are you not a fan of my brand of compliments, baby?” Peirce tilted his head to the side while he continued to ogle her, pushing more of her buttons as he didn’t bother to hide it as he licked his lips. “That’s a shame, you know.”</p><p>                “Don’t call me <em>baby</em>,” Elora slid down off the table, purposely rubbing her knees against his as she circled to the back of his chair, leaning down to get uncomfortably close to his face. “You talk an awfully big game but I see nothing more than a rich asshole with an unchecked ego who is going to have the worst blue balls because he thinks he has a snowball’s chance in hell with an NYPD Detective. Sound about right?”</p><p>                “You need to get laid, Elora,” Peirce scoffed and rolled his eyes as she moved, strategically, away from him. “Barbara, huh? She’s in promotions and development—she’s one of the talented young women that creates those billboards, ads in periodicals, and a plethora of other advertisements. Wants so desperately to get noticed.”</p><p>                “You took notice, I’m assuming?” Elora paced behind him and listened to the sharp inhale as her hip grazed his elbow along the edge of the armrest.</p><p>                “Do you know how many women hike up their skirts in front of me on a daily basis, Detective?” Peirce elevated a brow and leaned against his knuckles, studying her as she continued to pace the floor. “How do you expect me to remember them all?”</p><p>                “Backtracking to formalities, I see,” Elora crossed her arms and positioned herself against the edge of the table with one leg bent across the other, a mysterious air about her. “Come on, you count your exploits like trophies. Notch them out on your belt like a badge of honor. Did she tell you no? Is that why it was fun to pursue her?”</p><p>                “Women don’t tell me no,” Peirce brought a foot across his knee, flaunting his pricy, Italian loafers as if Elora would give a damn as the smile curved across his lips. “…Not even you. You’ll be following me after you realize this is all a big mistake.”</p><p>                Elora’s smile was tight, uncomfortable, and unamused as she swallowed a laugh and listed toward him, hovering with her hands across the back of the chair, lowering her voice. “Did she struggle with you or did you drug her first, Peirce? Had to make it worth it even when she couldn’t fight back, huh?”</p><p>                “I bet you see a victim in every doe-eyed chick because some man hurt you a long time ago,” Peirce struck another chord and nudged the limits as he brazenly tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers stroke the skin just below her earlobe. “Come on, Elora, I bet you need the release.”</p><p>                Elora snatched him by the wrist and craned him forward, awkwardly pinning his arm behind his back before pushing his face against the cold, steel table. “Touch me again, I dare you.”</p><p>                Olivia didn’t speak on the other side of the glass as the cogs began to turn while she witnessed Elora jostling Peirce just enough to get the point across. Elliot was a few feet behind her, dissecting her analytical expression as she chewed the inside of her cheek. Elora resembled Elliot from so long ago, right down to the way she had Peirce held against the table. She wasn’t letting go, either. Olivia turned her head and met that same probing look from Elliot as he stepped beside her, appraising the situation right alongside her.</p><p>                “If I didn’t know any better…” Olivia’s voice was barely above a whisper as she held her fingers to her lips, pondering her words carefully while she gestured back toward the interrogation in front of them. “I would put money on that Detective being a <em>Stabler</em>.”</p><p>                “Gee, thanks, Liv,” Elliot rolled his eyes and envisaged it a little further as Elora finally let go of Peirce’s arm, only to shove him into an upright, proper seated position. “Okay, so, maybe she’s got a bit of a hotheaded streak and it’s reminiscent of me but give me a little credit.”</p><p>                “Now that you’ve said it,” Fin was in the background doing his best not to listen but it had gotten just quiet enough for Elliot’s voice to carry, renewing the strange, awkward atmosphere between them. “How far is too far to let this go before intervening is required, Liv? This could get ugly and she’s already dotted someone’s eye today.”</p><p>                Elora’s nostrils were flaring but she was getting through to Peirce as Olivia kept her eyes glued to the glass. She’d seen herself unravel before and knew the risks involved if Elora had to be pulled. Adrenaline was freely flowing and the modest glistening of sweat along Elora’s hairline was enough of a tell that her patience was waning. There was more than enough to send her over the edge and part of Olivia wanted to let her. Peirce would’ve deserved every second of the beating that Elora dished out.</p><p>                As her Captain, though, Olivia couldn’t just turn a blind eye to irrationality.</p><p>                “She’s weaving between the gray area, toeing the line just enough that she hasn’t crossed into dangerous territory,” Olivia shook her head and met gazes with Elliot as his eyebrows went up and his chin tilted enough to raise an alarm. “You’re going to make it worse, though, aren’t you?”</p><p>                “Not until you pull her,” Elliot pressed his lips together and watched Olivia’s shoulders slump in dismay.</p><p>                “Ugh, <em>fuck</em> me,” Olivia hadn’t intended on saying it but it sprang free and Elliot’s tongue curved across his bottom lip while Fin pretended not to listen. “Son of a bitch.”</p><p>                Elliot couldn’t hide the smirk or the longing in his eyes as he kept his eyes fixed on Olivia while she set her teeth against her bottom lip. That comment, while laced with frustration, was loaded and she knew it as she felt heat rush to her extremities. It was inopportune and unwelcome. Elliot had been gone far too long to wheedle a bodily response from Olivia and the long, exasperated sigh was giving away just how much she craved him. Elliot, despite the cool exterior he seemed to possess, had spent the better part of his absence obsessing over the missed opportunity to unfurl her layer-by-agonizing-layer.</p><p>                At least, they shared that level of preoccupation.</p><p>                With the flick of the audio monitor, Elora’s voice echoed and sent a chill down their spines as each word was part of a balancing act that could backfire. “You followed her for hours, Peirce. That took careful planning and a lot of meticulousness. I’d assume you had a backup in place if she had been more aware of her drinks all night?”</p><p>                “I could have taken her ten ways from Sunday at the office. I don’t need to force anyone,” Peirce was getting irritated with Elora as he folded his hands in his lap and tracked her movement in front of the window. “She isn’t exactly shy…a lot less uptight than you are.”</p><p>                “Oh, come on, Peirce,” Elora finally opened the folder on the table, pushing the graphic images of Barbara’s gashes and bruising closer to him as she gritted her teeth. “The scenario is probable, at best, and you took what you thought was owed. How many times did she shut you down before you did this to her and left her in a fucking park as if she’s nothing more than discarded trash?”</p><p>                “Don’t hold back, Detective,” Peirce grinned, his perfectly aligned teeth shining at her as he elevated his chin while avoiding the images in front of him, opting to bore a hole through her as his eyes honed in on her. “Some women just can’t handle a little extra attention. Barbara is weak, feeble, incapable of making eye-contact...”</p><p>                Elora’s anger was brewing, percolating through her veins until her blood was running hot as she balled up a fist before picking up the worst of the photos to bring it close to his face. “Dodge me all you want, asshole, but this is the work of a little, inadequate, <em>impotent </em>man who is so delicate that he can’t reel in anything other than a slut.”</p><p>                “Fuck you, bitch,” Peirce glared as the satisfied wisp of a smile crept across Elora’s lips.</p><p>                Elora had Peirce at <em>impotent</em> as he seethed with another layer of rage and flung his proverbial cards across the table. He stood, shoved the chair clear across the room with his overpriced loafer, and groped at Elora’s chest. Peirce’s fingertips grazed the top of her shirt, popping a button clean from the thread, and sent it flying across the table. Elora’s response time was quick, though, as she wrapped her palm across his wrist and knocked his face against the steel with an unforgiving thud. The groan that followed reverberated and sent a chill down her spine as Elora pinned his arms in place, trapping him from moving.</p><p>                “It wasn’t an open invitation to touch me again when I dared you,” Elora hadn’t even noticed that Fin was in the room as she slapped a set of cuffs around his wrists and yanked him upright. “Now that you’ve thoroughly pissed me off, you can finish this conversation restrained.”</p><p>                “Suck my dick, Detective!” Peirce was livid and up for a fight as he struggled against the handcuffs.</p><p>                “I won’t be doing that,” Elora tapped Peirce’s cheek and made eye contact with Fin, her trepidation creeping back in as she exhaled, glancing at the lace peeking out from the spot where a button had been. “What’s going on? I was fine in here.”</p><p>                “Yeah, I’m sure you were. His attorney is here. Although, after that little bullshit display, he’s going to the cage before he goes anywhere else,” Fin rolled his eyes, shrugged, and took a look around the room at the mess that had unfolded from the scuffle. “Liv is also asking for you…says it’s important.”</p><p>                “I’ve had suspects try to grope me before, Fin. He was almost ready to pop,” Elora sighed, not wanting to relinquish her control as Amanda and Kat came in and took Peirce by his elbows, exiting slowly with the pair behind them. “Liv wants to see me? That can’t be good.”</p><p>                “He was ready to get a handful and you know what happens when you get in over your head. Don’t be a rookie, you’re not a rookie,” Fin didn’t have to say his name as Elora came around the corner and saw Elliot standing in the doorway to Olivia’s office. “You know it’s more about <em>him</em> than it is about her.”</p><p>                “Haven’t you done enough damage for today?” Elora was pulling the hair tie free from her ponytail as she crossed the squad room floor, her determined and exhausted expression fully translating to her lack of care with her voice. “I already told you that I’d tell you if I heard from Justin. Can’t you tell that I’m trying not to lose my fucking mind?”</p><p>                Elliot took his eyes off of Elora only to raise his brow in Olivia’s direction, the borderline amusement evident as he tried not to smile. “Okay, maybe I deserve the question I got earlier and now I get it...Happy?”</p><p>                “Elliot, shut up,” Olivia shook her head at Elliot before turning toward Elora, encouraging her into the office with them in a very maternal way before rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Elora, please, it’s not what you think.”</p><p>                “I’m not going to apologize for being hostile or fed up with the gameplay,” Elora followed them into the office and didn’t allow a moment before letting them both have it while she did her best to cover the top of her bra as her ailing shirt did little to hide the top of it. “I have more to prove here than anyone realizes and I cannot fail because my brother is a fucking idiot.”</p><p>                “Dickie called and the last ping on his cell phone was in Central Park,” Elliot raised his hand, palm down, an unusual level of calm in his voice as he tried to pull her back from the ledge. “While you were conducting that interrogation…my squad searched a significant portion of the park where they found bodies in the water under Gapstow.”</p><p>                “…No, please tell me it wasn’t them,” Elora’s eyes darted between them, her stomach sinking and twisting with the thought as she covered a gasp. “It couldn’t be them. I know they’re both idiots but, I don’t want that for my nieces.”</p><p>                “The bodies haven’t been identified but the medical examiner has made a reasonable assumption that all of them were older men than Dickie or Justin,” Olivia shook her head and squeezed Elora’s shoulder as the exhale came out in a labored, staggered breath. “It isn’t going to alleviate the worry but it does aim all of us in the right direction.”</p><p>                “I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Elora was glassy-eyed as she pulled her arms tight to her chest, hugging them close as the anxiety started creeping in like an unwanted, familiar guest. “Justin kept a lot of things hidden away from his daughters, from me, and all I could do was try to steer him in the right direction before it killed him.”</p><p>                “Lucky for them that my unit specializes in organized crime syndicates,” Elliot wanted more time with Olivia without the cloak of mystery but he knew she was spread thin with their case as he admired the parental care with Elora. “I already have a task force working to locate the exact group they got mixed up with. All we can do until then is wait and try not to force communication…that’s aimed at me, less at you.”</p><p>                Elora pulled her cell phone and scrolled through her muted notifications, a look of pure terror coming over her as she moved to the bottom of them. “About that—Justin tried to call earlier and sent a long text message after.”</p><p>                “What did he say?” Elliot was just as shocked as Elora as she pressed her lips together while rubbing her fingers across her temple. “Elora?”</p><p>                “The abridged version?” Elora let a stray tear slide down her cheek as the words began to sink into the parts of her heart that hadn’t quite begun to harden to the world, her voice softening with every syllable. “To take care of the girls and help them to remember that he loves them. Told me not to go after him because he doesn’t think he’s worth saving this time around.”</p><p>                Elliot could hear the hurt in her voice and saw it written on her face as he knew it was probably what Dickie would say to him, only not nearly as politely. “It’s a lengthy, bitter sting of a goodbye.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quotes by:<br/>Robert Jordan<br/>Timber Hawkeye<br/>Carolee Dean<br/>BMM Poetry</p><p>Many thanks to Aubrey for the read-throughs and feedback on passages. You are an angel and I appreciate you beyond belief.</p><p>This one took a while with all of my projects but this case, specifically, is reaching a downward slope and I’m so ready to continue with this series. I am so glad you are still reading it. Please leave feedback…it is appreciated and adored.</p><p>Also, I tried to keep the locations pretty accurate…if I was wrong, I apologize!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Blood in the Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While Elora helps to discover a missing puzzle piece about Barbara’s rape case, with some assistance from Wyatt, an ember begins to turn into a flame as Olivia and Elliot finally take a moment to address the elephant in the room.</p>
<p>“My heart is cut deep, blood staining my soul. Yes, they were right, red is the colour of love.” -Annaaa</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Gramercy Park is 24/7 under surveillance and it stays locked up. You have to have a key to get in. This will be part of the story. Silver Tapestry Inc. does not exist. It is, essentially, a combination of three companies (The address belongs to LVMH). </p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Need Help? Call 800.656.HOPE(4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Keep at it…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As a blazing fire takes</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whatever you throw on it,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And makes it light and flame.</em>
</p>
<p>-Marcus Aurelius</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tuesday, November 12<sup>th</sup>, 5:45 PM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora shuffled through her locker and yanked a spare, clean shirt free from underneath a pair of underwear and leggings as she finished unbuttoning the one that had left her bra exposed to the world. She’d left the light off in the cribs, lingering in the quiet solitude of the dark while draping the discarded blouse over the open locker door. It might’ve been the first opportunity to breathe as she pressed her palms against the top curve of the lockers and rested her forehead against the cool, painted steel. The goosebumps spread across her back as she heaved a heavy sigh while the air moved over her skin, reminding her of just how exposed she was as she gripped the clean shirt. She almost didn’t care if anyone came in.</p>
<p>                Exhaustion had taken up space in her consciousness along with the urgency of Barbara’s rape case with Peirce still sitting in a holding cell.</p>
<p>                “Elle,” Amanda knocked her off-kilter, but not off-balance, and killed the silence as she peeked into the room to capture her attention. “Jesus, you’re worse than Carisi…put on a shirt.”</p>
<p>                “You’re the one interrupting a girl while she’s trying to change her top,” Elora smirked and pulled the shirt on, taking her time with the buttons as she raised a brow at her partner. “Wait a fucking second…how would you know about Carisi?”</p>
<p>                “Doesn’t matter,” Amanda was visibly pink even in the dark as she cleared her throat and kicked the air while Elora finished covering up her chest with the remainder of her buttons. “Wipe that smile off your face, jerk—we’ve got shit to do.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, you’re not off the hook and I’m still fixing my shirt,” Elora adjusted the sleeves and straightened out the hem as she let out a laugh while Amanda crossed her arms in frustration. “Did you two already cross a bridge or something?”</p>
<p>                “Jesus, no, Carisi used to just change in here without giving a second thought to the fact that anyone could walk in at any time,” Amanda was almost stuttering as the pink in her cheeks only deepened while Elora pushed the locker shut and finished pulling her hair into a clip out of her face. “Has anyone told you that you’re a pain in the ass?”</p>
<p>                “I am an equal opportunity tormenter and when I see a wide-open spot to step into, I take it. You act like it would be so bad if you sampled the product and I see a perfect opportunity to have a little happiness,” Elora’s knack for reading people didn’t have a boundary nor did she typically apologize for it as she nudged Amanda with her elbow and opened the door, the smile still residing on her lips. “I was enjoying a moment of bliss with no one talking and you just had to interrupt it.”</p>
<p>                “You can keep all of that to yourself, Caruso,” Amanda rolled her eyes and let the door shut behind them as Elora blew a raspberry into the air in front of her as a response. “I’m not the one that caused our one and only suspect to develop an unhealthy infatuation with them—to the point that he’s been unamenable to his attorney.”</p>
<p>                “I’ll cut you some slack for now,” Elora’s spare shirt was uncomfortable and a little starchy, prompting the instinctive tug at the material as she rounded the corner alongside Amanda, a grimace written on her face. “If he so much as reaches for my chest again, I’ll make sure he can’t ejaculate for weeks.”</p>
<p>                “You’re brutal, you know that?” Amanda deeply appreciated Elora’s feistier side as she caught sight of her cracking the knuckles on her right hand. “Liv want to see how long we can hold out before you go in, though.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not brutal, I’m relentless when it comes to liars and Peirce Evans is a bonafide liar. You can smell it on him,” Elora crossed her arms and smiled, genuinely, as she caught sight of Fin and Kat going back and forth with Peirce and his counsel, Wesley Donnell. “That doesn’t look like it’s going well.”</p>
<p>                “It isn’t,” Olivia stretched her fingers across the ledge of the observation window and cocked her head to the side to peer at Elora, sighing into the dim. “This is one of those times that I wish the technique you utilized on him hadn’t worked so well. You’ve deprived an addict of a drug, in the simplest of terms.”</p>
<p>                It seemed accusatory but it wasn’t. Elora felt the words gnawing at her, pulling at the last semblance of control as her eyes burned through Olivia. It wasn’t persona but it was becoming a tangled mess, taking shape like faceless, nameless demons hiding in the shadows. Olivia knew the conflict on Elora’s face all too well and it had barely begun to take shape as she turned her back on the glass, moving her eyes between the pair. Somewhere, buried underneath, the wraith was lying in wait, ready to swing the ax.</p>
<p>                They’d already made Barbara wait for forty-eight hours and counting; the thought of which had Elora’s stomach-churning.</p>
<p>                “I had a feeling he was a sick man but I didn’t imagine he was that much of a lunatic,” Elora bit down on the corner of her lip and heard the familiar thump of a palm against the table as Fin was losing his typical cool level of composure. “He is going to blow a gasket in there and we’ll be right back at square one.”</p>
<p>                “Have we gotten any of that DNA back or are we still waiting on the subpoena for the rush order in the last two days?” Amanda elevated a brow, tucked a few stray hairs, and renewed a glance with Olivia just in time to hear Wesley blocking another one of Kat’s questions. “That’s just getting worse and I don’t know how long we expect them to hold out.”</p>
<p>                Olivia shook her head, the frustration oozing from her façade as she pressed a finger against her chin and moved her brows up for a moment. “Neither…in fact, go put a little pressure on Carisi to get it done sooner rather than later. Judge Daniels can’t possibly be still sitting on the request. We have enough probable cause to get the order after everything he said to Elora.”</p>
<p>                “On it,” Amanda nodded and sprinted down the hall, her phone already in hand.</p>
<p>                “The longer you make me wait for Detective Caruso, the angrier I am going to get and the worse this situation is going to become for the NYPD once I clear my fucking name!” Peirce finally slammed his hand against the table and raised his voice, interrupting a question as it was being relayed to him significantly quieter. “Got it? Am I not making myself perfectly fucking clear?”</p>
<p>                Olivia closed her eyes and sighed, aiming her hand at the door while she rubbed the bridge of her nose with the other hand. “Go in there before he blows a gasket and starts dropping comments about a lawsuit. We all know his type.”</p>
<p>                “So much for squeezing him,” Elora raised both brows and reached for the handle, letting herself in as the tension was at a fever pitch, her voice full of conviction as she made eye contact with aggression. “You know, I could hear you from down the hall, attention-seeking worm.”</p>
<p>                “See what I mean? She instantly starts in with the dirty talk,” Peirce nudged Wesley and glared in Fin’s direction as he moved toward the door. “It’s been fun, Sergeant Tutuola, but not that fun.”</p>
<p>                “We’ll be right outside if this takes a turn,” Fin nodded at Elora as he followed Kat through the doorway, pulling her focus just long enough to get a singular tilt of her chin in agreement.</p>
<p>                Elora postured herself at the glass as the door clicked shut and peered at her hands while Wesley fidgeted at the table next to his client. She stayed quiet while Peirce stared her down, his desperation oozing from his pores as he started to sweat. It got quiet, almost painfully so, and Elora tapped her fingertips against the painted cinder, letting it echo. Peirce cleared his throat and Wesley shook his head in response. Peirce’s hand of cards was certainly closer to a bluff and Elora was calling it as she flicked a speck of dirt from underneath a fingernail.</p>
<p>                “Detective—surely, you understand that this situation is awkward and my client wants to help in any way he can but this is not the way to go about it,” Wesley’s bargaining skills were shaky, at best, and Elora looked at him as though he were nothing more than a gifted toddler with a license to practice law. “We’ve been more than cooperative for the NYPD.”</p>
<p>                “Cooperative,” Elora smiled and narrowed her eyes at them as she crossed her arms, scrutinizing them both. “Is that the technical definition for attempting to grope a Detective these days or does your client think he’s just immune to proper practices?”</p>
<p>                “Don’t act like you weren’t into it, Elora,” Peirce hissed, nostrils flaring and voice deepening.</p>
<p>                “Mister Evans, I recommend you keep your fucking mouth shut,” Wesley was perturbed and it was showing as he elevated his hand and held it in front of Peirce’s face. “Don’t exacerbate the situation.”</p>
<p>                “It’s like that, isn’t it? <em>Daddy</em> tells you to be quiet and you comply?” Elora already felt the angry stare from the skilled attorney as her spine went rigid and her heels tapped against the floor with every step. “Maybe you’re not as adventurous as I thought you were.”</p>
<p>                Peirce couldn’t resist the opening. “Bitch.”</p>
<p>                “Goddammit,” Wesley snapped his fingers and glared. “Is there a pertinent question buried underneath of your sarcasm, Detective?”</p>
<p>                “I want to know about Saturday night,” Elora grinned, outwitting both of them as she tapped the steel back of the empty chair in front of her, calculating the maneuver as Peirce began to salivate. “How long did you watch her before you decided to make your move, Peirce? How many times did you follow her after work to the bar until you knew you had that perfect opening to swoop in and take what didn’t belong to you?”</p>
<p>                “This line of questioning assumes a level of guilt and my client doesn’t need to answer either of them without just cause,” Wesley’s eyes were locked on Elora, narrowing his stare until her pearly whites were shimmering at him from the cajoling of information.</p>
<p>                “You aren’t here to make my decisions, Wesley,” Peirce was undoing his attorney’s control of the situation with his uncontrollable tongue as he winked at Elora, seduction in his voice. “Elora and I have this little game we are playing where she pretends that she isn’t interested in finding out what hides behind an expensive suit. Aren’t you, Elora?”</p>
<p>                “Oh, but, see, that game is one-sided and you wouldn’t know what to do with me since I am awake, capable of fighting back, and can tell you ‘no’ before you can even think to touch me,” Elora pushed the chair against the table and bent over, pushing photographs of Barbara’s injuries toward Wesley and Peirce, hoping to inflict a little discomfort as her voice lowered. “You wouldn’t get a chance to make me look like this.”</p>
<p>                “I think I have you figured out, Detective Caruso,” Peirce had gotten brave and brazen as the sneer faded with the dropping of an octave while he pushed the photos back in her direction. “A man already put his hands on you, drew first blood, and now? All you want is another taste of that kind of roughness with a hand around your neck until you can’t breathe, speak, or feel.”</p>
<p>                It didn’t matter that he’d tapped into a part of Elora’s past that seemed to be on display. He was saying all the right words to indicate that he’d violated Barbara without explicitly admitting it. Elora stood tall and revealed another photo, of the deeper gashes down Barbara’s back, and moved it slowly toward him. His face contorted and his lip twitched; the refusal to look set in. Elora tilted her head to the side, slowly blinked, and kept her index firmly against the top of the image.</p>
<p>                He couldn’t make her move this time.</p>
<p>                “How long did it take you to notice the blood dripping down from the wounds on her back before you had to stop?” Elora gritted her teeth, her posture domineering in front of him as she inhaled a deep breath and ignored Wesley’s presence entirely. “Did you wilt? Did it ruin your erection to get a little blood on one of your expensive suits? I bet that was a fun conversation with your dry cleaners.”</p>
<p>                “That’s enough!” Wesley stood, raising his voice just enough to make Elora cringe as she matched his rigid stance face-to-face. “Unless you have proof of my client’s involvement in this case or plan on charging him with assaulting an officer,  you can’t keep holding him here.”</p>
<p>                “Wesley, your client doesn’t have a leg to stand on,” Elora cast the line out and stretched her hand across the table, fanning the photographs across the surface in front of Peirce. “We have a lot more than photographs and the word of a victim—DNA, an expensive piece of jewelry with particulates left on it, and too many holes in Peirce’s lovely, little, story.”</p>
<p>                “You don’t have anything on me but the word of a woman that has been unbuttoning her blouse for months,” Peirce laughed nonchalantly and leaned back as the door opened, ushering in Olivia from just outside. “Looks like you’re in trouble, anyway.”</p>
<p>                Elora hesitated and gathered the photographs back into the folder, taking them with her as she retreated to the door despite wanting to stay. “What’s going on? He’s this close to flipping.”</p>
<p>                Olivia tugged her into the void and held the door closed, her voice low, filled with concern. “We’ve got a problem and you’re gonna want to go discuss with one of your old friends who just showed up with Rollins about the DNA results.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>All this time I’ve loved you and never known your face</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All this time I’ve missed you and searched this human race</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Here is true peace here my heart knows calm</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Safe in your soul bathed in your sights</em>
</p>
<p>-L. Rhodes &amp; A. Barlow</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora was facing her past for the second time in under three days as Wyatt was expectantly waiting next to Amanda, his smile all but gone. There wasn’t a shred of pleasantry behind his presence as Elora’s pace stalled behind Olivia’s. This was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be there and his expression said it all as Elora bit down on her bottom lip on approach. Amanda held a cup of tea toward Elora, offering it as a symbolic white flag before gesturing toward the chair behind the desk.</p>
<p>                “This can’t be good,” Elora inhaled the notes of honey and Earl Grey as she rolled the seat back to accommodate her backside. “I’m assuming you’re about to shatter any hopes of putting Peirce Evans behind bars today?”</p>
<p>                “Not necessarily but it’s going to get a little bit rougher,” Olivia already knew what was going on as she remained standing while Wyatt kept his fingers against his chin. “I don’t know how reliable this is going to make Barbara look.”</p>
<p>                “You didn’t see the look on her face when she gave up his name, Olivia,” Elora already felt the bitter sting of potential betrayal knocking her in the teeth as she set the cup on the desk and looked up at Wyatt. “How bad is it? I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?”</p>
<p>                Wyatt had already been nibbling at the inside of his cheek as he flipped a lengthy sheet of paper over and placed it in front of her, his grave façade worsening as he spoke. “I was dropping off more of what the sweep located and Davis pulled me aside because he knew I’d be bringing it to you. He didn’t want anyone else from my squad touching it.”</p>
<p>                “Sample indicates the presence of…” Elora sat up straight and glanced through the results page, reading it out loud without stopping to consider the implication. “Two male genetic contributors. Contributor one matches eliminating sequence from an anterior swab of the bracelet and previously collected sample matching Peirce Evans. The second contributor is…unknown. Goddammit!”</p>
<p>                “Elle, it doesn’t mean that she lied,” Amanda was trying to rationalize the results as Elora’s knuckles went white around the edge of her desk while the unresolved file sat in front of her. “It could be a boyfriend that she felt ashamed to tell us about? It could mean that she didn’t remember a second assailant?”</p>
<p>                “It could mean a lot of things,” Olivia nodded and lifted the document from in front of Elora, looking at the concentration of the sample size within the results. “Detective Avery, when you were out there this morning doing a sweep with the one three, did it look like the ground near the spot that Barbara had been passed out at was recently disturbed by more than one set of feet? More than hers and an assailant?”</p>
<p>                “Or aside from the marks left by Hawkins and Drummond?” Wyatt had his tablet in hand and was already moving through the images he’d taken while pulling up the database from CSU. “I marked three, distinct patterns in the dirt around the flowerbeds—they matched up with the same treads near the gate. Heels from Barbara’s strappy shoes, smoothed imprints like the kind you’d find with a pair of loafers, and a distinctive set that belonged to something resembling a hiking boot. Bigger than the loafer.”</p>
<p>                Elora stood and peered over Wyatt’s arm, cozying up in his personal space as though she’d never left his side, radiating heat against him, her sarcasm bleeding through. “Well done, Wyatt Elliot Avery…it turns out you’re useful for something after all. Might help regain the footing we just lost.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, you’re a bozo, Elora <em>Abigail</em> Caruso,” Wyatt elbowed her, openly cringing over hearing his full name used in an <em>atta boy</em> sort of way in front of her team. “Air it out for everyone to hear? I’ll start dropping your nickna—”</p>
<p>                “Keep your mouth shut,” Elora swatted him as Amanda gave her a sideways look.</p>
<p>                Olivia was still stuck on Wyatt’s middle name, twitching as the presence of Elliot Stabler seemed to linger as he was safely behind a pane of glass. It was overwhelming and she didn’t want to admit it in front of her team. Hell, she didn’t want to admit it to herself and the gentle banter between Elora and Wyatt was doing little to assist in forgetting what she missed. If nothing else, so much time had been robbed from both of them and she wanted nothing more than to know if it could be fixed. The future was fleeting and every second was like sand slipping between her fingers.</p>
<p>
  <em>                Come on, Olivia, shake it off.</em>
</p>
<p>                “I think we need to run a comparison on the treads to confirm the type of shoe versus the ones that our friend Mister Evans wears,” Olivia set her teeth against a dry spot on her lip, biting down just enough to feel it as she tilted her head to the side. “Might have to expand the pool to include his closest associates?”</p>
<p>                “We can’t completely rule out the idea of a boyfriend, though,” Amanda knew how it sounded before she even said it as she watched Elora’s shoulders slump from the implication. “If there was someone else earlier that day, I’d rather eliminate him right now…”</p>
<p>                “Which means someone has to call her and rip open the stitches,” Elora held her fingers to the bridge of her nose as another twinge of pain seared through her brain. “Inflict a little more pain on the traumatized.”</p>
<p>                “Hate to be the guy that throws a wrench into your thought process but the unexplained second set of shoeprints in the park is not doing any favors to the boyfriend theory,” Wyatt raised his brows and scrolled through the photos, handing a particular section on his tablet to Olivia to take a closer look at. “The fibers are cotton-poly, like the kind you’d find in a cheap rain jacket. I had an old friend in forensics run both for confirmation.”</p>
<p>                “It might throw the balance off but it does not eliminate the necessity to check into it,” Olivia zoomed in on the photo, squinting at a section of shimmer near the bottom of the image where the grass ended and gravel began. “Did you collect the shiny object hiding in the rocks as well?”</p>
<p>                Wyatt smirked and let a little bit of his expertise show as he flipped to the next image, of a marker with a label on it. “All of these are in inventory, of course, but that was also looked at…thoroughly. Synthetic, holographic lace.”</p>
<p>                “It’s tulle and it is a component of a lot of evening wear,” Elora was already looking it up to double-check the components for comparison, pulling up an image of a fluffy petticoat from her phone, showing it to her Captain. “Barbara’s dress was ripped in sections; it had a layer of tulle like this on the inside. Depending on how long it had been out there, it has the potential to pick up genetic markers.”</p>
<p>                “If the bartender saw anyone in the bar that had on a rain jacket who seemed particularly interested in Barbara that night, we would be able to narrow it down,” Amanda nodded in their direction as she jotted down a few things, her focus on helping in any way she could. “I could take Fin and Kat to the bar for that.”</p>
<p>                “That’s a great idea,” Olivia agreed and stood directly in front of Elora, lowering her voice as she addressed the rougher of the two topics. “I know this isn’t going to be pleasant but bringing up the second man is going to need to occur, sooner, rather than later. You have a rapport with Barbara and I don’t want to destroy that…but it will be better coming from you than it will anyone else.”</p>
<p>                “I know,” Elora sighed and went for her jacket, taking a big swig of her tea in the process. “I can’t do it here. I think this will be better if it’s where she’s comfortable or feels like she has some of the control.”</p>
<p>                “Understood,” Olivia glanced back at the doorway as Elliot walked in and renewed a certain amount of anxiety for her as she did her best to keep attention on Elora. “Do me a favor and get a Uni to come with you? Maybe two?”</p>
<p>                “I can go with Elle,” Wyatt caught Elora unaware and inspired color in her cheeks as she pushed her hands through the sleeves of her jacket. “Keeps me out of my Lieutenant’s hair for a while and he knows that we’re still working the scene.”</p>
<p>                Somewhere between the light and the dark, Elora feared being in the field next to Wyatt. He was too comfortable and the familiarity brought back a plethora of hidden emotions that she thought she’d buried twice over. Wyatt was undoing the resolve and Elora resembled a deer in the headlights as she nodded gently in their direction while smoothing a few fingers through her hair. This led to nowhere good but she was drawn, like a moth to a flame. That power Wyatt held over Elora frightened and mystified her in the same breath.</p>
<p>                It was doing nothing for the rising anxiety in Elora’s chest.</p>
<p>                “That’s better than going alone?” Olivia raised a brow in Elora’s direction as she unintentionally fidgeted. “Give me an update once you’ve had that conversation with Barbara.”</p>
<p>                “Will do…It’ll be like old times,” Elora licked her lips despite the urge to remain stoic in front of them as Wyatt diverted his gaze toward her. “Could be trouble.”</p>
<p>                “Better not be,” Oliva warned, seriousness mixed with sarcasm as she raised an index between them while Wyatt moved toward the door.</p>
<p>                “I’m a guest so I have no choice but to blame bad behavior on Elora,” Wyatt grinned and shrugged as he stood at the edge of the entrance.</p>
<p>                “Oh, he’s got jokes,” Elora rolled her eyes and moved her field of vision toward Elliot’s figure as he lingered near Olivia’s office, her tone softening as she stayed behind for a moment longer. “Are you sure you’re not the one that needs backup?”</p>
<p>                Olivia craned her neck to look back at the man she’d been avoiding off and on for the better part of two days and pressed her lips together before regaining eye contact with Elora, sighing softly. “You know, I think I’ll manage this time.”</p>
<p>               </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I’m halfway out of New York</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And half of me I left behind</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If we’ve got something to say then now is the time</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just give me a sign</em>
</p>
<p>-VHS Collection</p>
<p> </p>
<p>7:25 PM</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                It should have been easier than this, but it wasn’t, for either of them.</p>
<p>                Elliot hadn’t said a word and Olivia had only managed to offer him a coffee. They felt foolish. Ridiculous. Over-stimulated and under-stimulated at the same time with time taking a chunk out of their ability to cope. They knew it wasn’t going to be simple but had hoped to feel more than the unbearable devastation that seemed to linger hopelessly in the air. Elliot had wondered if he had waited too long to come home and Olivia wondered if she was really worth coming home to.</p>
<p>                They had lost faith in themselves but not each other.</p>
<p>                Elliot was staring at Olivia, probably for too long, and wracking his brain over finding the right combination of words to say. They wouldn’t come or burst free from his lips even as she turned, radiating into his gaze, trapped there as though they’d never looked at one another before. Olivia had put distance between them, purposely, as though she needed to protect herself from the steadfast, hot stare Elliot was relentless in providing. It wasn’t working, though, as her fingers wound around the edge of her desk, desperate for strength. Olivia couldn’t help but feel the opposition pushing as weakness crept in and Elliot’s fervent gaze only deepened as she moved the chair back.</p>
<p>                Not even fidgeting was going to help her now.</p>
<p>                “I can hear you thinking from here,” Elliot broke the silence and watched her flinch as she instinctively checked her cell display. “Liv.”</p>
<p>                Liv lifted her chin, put her phone back on the desk, and pushed a manila folder back toward the center of her desk. “I’m sorry, my mind is on my team scattered to the wind trying to fix a mess and the fact that you’re sitting here after <em>nine</em> God damn years. Nine.”</p>
<p>                “I shouldn’t have waited so long but I didn’t have much of a choice, Liv,” Elliot could hear the agony in her voice and it was tearing him apart as he white-knuckled the cabinet behind him.</p>
<p>                “It isn’t even just that,” Olivia huffed another heavy sigh and pressed her lips together, grappling with the concept as she looked up at him from the safety of her chair. “I didn’t even hesitate to help you and I kept thinking about everyone I’ve had in my life since I joined the force, none of whom would pull me away from my normalcy quite like you do, El. It scares me and I don’t know if it means I should want you to stay or make you go.”</p>
<p>                “You know I couldn’t go to anyone other than you,” Elliot was perplexed and transfixed on her eyes, on the part of her that had always managed to pull him back as he got to his feet and paced in front of the large desk between them. “Unselfishly, I knew you’d understand, but selfishly, I wanted to be in your orbit again—even if it meant you didn’t need me here at all.”</p>
<p>                “When did you become so expressive?” Olivia wanted to be mysterious but her aching heart was betraying the cool exterior as she chewed the inside of her cheek while the heat went up to her neck. “I remember the Elliot Stabler that needed to be cornered to say what he felt and yet, here you are, opening up like a flower.”</p>
<p>                “Is it that bad?” Elliot’s smile worked its way across his face as he picked up her nameplate and moved his thumbs across each letter while his eyes crawled into her soul. “Something changed when there was a moment that I thought I was going to die, with a dime-sized hole through a rib and blood everywhere, that I could only recall one regret. That <em>one</em> regret was realizing that I didn’t want the last time I saw you to be the <em>final time</em> even if it meant I’d come back to a woman that wanted to kill me herself.”</p>
<p>                “Elliot,” Olivia’s guilt surged and the anger of his absence was weaving through the traces of a heart that had been pushed into a drawer, left for dead. “It would be easier to despise you and curse your name for everything that came after you left but…do I ever pick the easy choice?”</p>
<p>                Elliot wanted to hold her and flick a switch that had been safely aimed down for too long. Olivia had been more than a reason to come back; she was the personification of a hollow burning that had only grown. Elliot couldn’t explain it and even if he had tried, Olivia would’ve called him a fool. Elliot rubbed his knuckles, dancing across the emptiness on his left hand, and remembered the fight like it was yesterday. The embittered, aggressive, painful sting of Kathy’s voice was still echoing through him, reminding him of everything he’d done wrong in the end.</p>
<p>                <em>It was always her, wasn’t it?</em></p>
<p>“Do either of us pick the easy way out?” Elliot bit down on his lips at the recollection of that night, of watching Kathy hurl her ring across a room, at him, before realizing he’d already been halfway out the door for years. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been told to leave, you know…”</p>
<p>                “How long ago did it happen?” Olivia nodded in his direction, at him as he fumbled with his fingers, indicating exactly where his mind had already ventured. “Now I can hear <em>you</em> thinking and it’s loud.”</p>
<p>                “Four years in February,” Elliot looked up at the ceiling and let out a chuckle while the torrent of frustration ran through him, tearing at the pieces of his consciousness that had already been taken for a ride. “Kept thinking Kathy was going to pretend it wasn’t going to happen but the band-aid had already begun to fall off on the crack in our life. I just wish I had picked up on the scent a little better after the first couple of times she came home after I did.”</p>
<p>                “Why?” Olivia felt a pang of regret in asking as Elliot leaned against a set of drawers close to the divider window, his back to the squad room. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>                “No, you should probably know,” Elliot squinted and let the grimace take over his face while his eyes found the floor. “Kathy was a little more invested in my job than I’d realized—she’s been with my previous boss ever since. He couldn’t wait to get the transfer in and didn’t even want to look me in the eye.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, El,” Olivia stood and positioned herself next to Elliot, giving in to the urge to touch him with the grasp of his hand, reassuring him of her presence. “I am so sorry. I know how hard it was for both of you during the first separation—I can’t imagine what it was like this time.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not,” Elliot had goosebumps up his arm even as he circled his thumb against her skin, pressing against her palm as he exhaled. “She blamed it on you. Took no responsibility for her part in it but the second she brought you up I knew I couldn’t keep lying about it…to her or myself.”</p>
<p>                Olivia fixated on their hands perched carefully between them, Elliot’s covering almost all of hers, the little glimpses of fingers peeking between his as she rested her head on his shoulder. “I <em>am</em> sorry, Elliot, you might not be, but I am.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t be,” Elliot inhaled Olivia’s perfume and let the silence develop for a long, agonizing moment as he concentrated on the feeling of her warmth against his arm. “Even though you weren’t right there, I had you in my thoughts. You were always the missing piece and the longer I waited, the more moronic it seemed. It was like I left half of <em>me</em> behind.”</p>
<p>                 “I don’t know what to say to that,” Olivia didn’t move but the tears were moving down her cheeks, making little marks on the sleeve of his jacket, her knees weakening. “Would you have come even if something hadn’t happened to Dickie or was that just to make me feel better?”</p>
<p>                “I would’ve been here sooner if I hadn’t thought it was a lost cause that, undoubtedly, would’ve made me more alone than I already am,” Elliot’s cheek rested against the top of her head, the hesitancy moving through him like a plague while he listened to the unintended sniffle that left her lips. “I woke up one day and knew I had a promise to keep, even though it was so overdue. For better or—”</p>
<p>                “You’re not my partner anymore, El,” Olivia cut him off and lifted her head, aggressively pulling herself from the closeness, from his warmth,  to wipe her tears in hopes he hadn’t seen them. “I’m a Captain, you’re a Captain…we run our own units.”</p>
<p>                “A partner isn’t just the guy in the badge that stands next to you on a case, Liv,” Elliot raised his voice and tracked her across the office as she had her back to him at the window facing the street. “It was right in front of me for nearly thirteen years and a guilty conscience kept everything at arm’s length—kept you just out of reach.”</p>
<p>                “What are  you even saying, Elliot Stabler?” Olivia spun and jutted her arm out, pressing her palm against his chest to keep him just far enough that she could breathe without catching a whiff of his cologne. “What if you’re just a little too late?”</p>
<p>                “Olivia, I have to believe that I’m not,” Elliot covered her hand with his, holding her digits against his chest as the words seemed less apt to spring free while his voice began to soften. “I can’t keep hiding, from life, from myself, from you. Let me in.”</p>
<p>                “I’m so much more complicated than I was nine years ago,” Olivia wanted to run but her feet remained planted as his unbearably hot gaze burrowed into her again and weaved through her veins until she was certain her face had turned red. “I have a son and he’s so important.”</p>
<p>                “It isn’t so complicated enough to scare me away, not this time,” Elliot pulled her closer, into his orbit, and snaked an arm around her waist as she looked at the floor while he continued to talk. “I know you do and—I want to meet him when the time is right.”</p>
<p>                “You don’t get to come back and say all the right things to me with some kind of expectation that I’ll melt into you or fall into your arms,” Olivia didn’t move but her voice was ragged as her tears spilled over, cascading down her cheeks despite every effort not to let him see. “That’s not how this works.”</p>
<p>                “I hold no expectations,” Elliot shrugged his shoulders and wiped the tears from her cheeks as she sobbed in front of him, doing everything he could to soothe the pain instead of inflicting it. “I don’t want to love you from the shadows anymore if you’ll let me.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t know if I’m capable of being loved and why would you want to try? I am so far <em>beyond</em> the definition of damaged goods,” Olivia diverted her stare toward the floor and felt her knees give while she gripped the front of his shirt, holding onto him as her body betrayed her thoughts. “Why?”</p>
<p>                Elliot grasped her along the curve of her forearms to keep her legs underneath her and moved his index to her chin, tilting it up until every facet of her emotions were on display, illuminated beyond the streaks of tears and running mascara. “If only you could see what I see and then you’d know why I always have, even at your worst…at your most broken. Every part of you.”</p>
<p>                “I tried so hard to keep my guard up and the second you opened your mouth, I dropped every bit of my defenses,” Olivia’s mouth trembled and her voice cracked while she let him enfold his arms around her, indulging in the protection that his embrace had always provided. “I didn’t even try to stop it.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t know, my cheek would beg to differ,” Elliot cracked a smile and caressed the small of her back before snaking his fingertips across the apples of her cheeks, tracing the droplets away from her laugh lines. “The pieces of you that aren’t complete, that you lost along the way—I have to believe are supposed to fit in the empty places that I’ve ignored for a long time, Liv.”</p>
<p>                “You…are an asshole,” Olivia sniffed the air, tugging back another wave of emotion as she relinquished her fear and felt her knees shake beneath her.</p>
<p>                It wasn’t the sign that Elliot expected but it was the one that he needed as the figurative green lights blinked and flashed. Olivia coiled her fingers around the material of his shirt, willing and urging him forward as tentative became tested and Elliot found more than courage. Elliot tasted her lips, her tears, and discovered what he had been missing as nine years emerged as a collective of sighs, bumping of noses, and fevered gropes to the back of Olivia’s scalp. Heat, hurt, tenderness, the singular quenched need that had been met by endless thirst, and a dizzying sensation of yearning came to a fever pitch, blurring time entirely. Olivia let out an inadvertent moan and tapped her digits along the center of Elliot’s chest as the sound of her phone vibrating across the desk grated in her ears.</p>
<p>                The sound was eclipsed only by the unpleasant chiming from Elliot’s pocket that coaxed a healthy groan from both of them.</p>
<p>                “Looks like we both better put this on pause?” Elliot placed a softer, shorter kiss along her temple and thumbed over the outline of her jaw, as another series of buzzing and ringing set in. “It better be important.”</p>
<p>                Olivia reluctantly took a step back and reached for the phone as she ran her fingers through her hair while pushing air between her lips, gathering composure. “Shit.”</p>
<p>                “What’s going on?” Elliot furrowed his brows as Olivia chewed on a bitten lip. “Liv?”</p>
<p>                Olivia took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and let it marinate before regaining eye contact with Elliot. “Judge Daniels is trying to put a block on the DNA rush and Carisi is trying to do an end-run around him.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quotes by:<br/>Annaaa<br/>Marcus Aurelius<br/>L. Rhodes &amp; A. Barlow<br/>VHS Collection</p>
<p>To Aubrey, thank you for perusing through sections of this and giving me feedback on a few things. I was almost stuck more than once.</p>
<p>I truly did start in on the crying and I hope that, while the pain may be inflicted, that it was worth it in the end.</p>
<p>I cannot wait to see what the next chapter will hold. Continue the journey with me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Nullum Periculum, Nullum Praemium</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A twist in a rape case with a bombshell of a focus leading to chaos within the walls of SVU as Olivia flips a coin to tempt fate and Elora steps into an unknown as her house of one becomes three.</p>
<p>“I ache, maybe not exactly in the way you do, but still…dear stranger…I ache…I ache too…right alongside you.” -Unknown</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Note: “Nullum Periculum, Nullum Praemium” is No risk, no joy in Latin. I’m sorry that this is one of the longer chapters but it is nearing a close!</p>
<p>Ache /āk/ noun<br/>noun: ache; plural noun: aches<br/>an emotion experienced with painful or bittersweet intensity.<br/>"an ache in her heart"</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Need Help? Call 800.656.HOPE(4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Tears don’t hurt like</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The ache does.</em>
</p>
<p>-Lucy Maud Montgomery</p>
<p> </p>
<p>7:45 PM</p>
<p>14<sup>th</sup> E 15<sup>th</sup> Street Unit 11M</p>
<p>New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “So, what you’re telling me is that this case is teetering on its edge and without a definitive reason for a second donor sample the judge will not sign off on the warrant to even search Peirce’s home?” Elora tapped her fingers along the back of her phone as she held it to her cheek while Wyatt held the door to the Gramercy Arms for her.</p>
<p>                “It’s not looking good, Elle,” Amanda was in her ear while Wyatt was staring at her expectantly, directing her toward the elevator as his eyes glanced at the time. “The evidence was deemed not solid enough even though Peirce was a positive match. Let me know how it goes.”</p>
<p>                “I will, but it’s going to be a mess,” Elora made eye contact with Wyatt and mouthed eleven as she held the railing at the back of the elevator. “I’ll call you back.”</p>
<p>                “Okay, be safe,” Amanda was reluctant to end the call but they were all spread a little thin.</p>
<p>                “I will,” Elora hovered over the red indicator and sighed softly, resigning to what lay ahead of her with every ding of their ascent. “Keep an eye out for texts…bye.”</p>
<p>                “No warrant yet?” Wyatt could see the discomfort swelling as Elora chewed on her lip, the raw layer reddening before his eyes as he pushed his elbow into her ribs. “Hey, pull back and let this manifest. Today isn’t over and you’re not alone.”</p>
<p>                “The foundations are crumbling and I have to ask a rape victim why there was another set of male DNA inside of her body that night,” Elora exhaled and met his steady gaze as the elevator dinged for the tenth time, preparing her for the final floor. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if that had been my fate.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t let your brain go there, Elle,” Wyatt pressed his hand against the sensors as the door opened, his voice stern yet soothing as he kept his eyes locked on hers, capturing another unintended layer of her hurt that she’d hidden away. “That wasn’t yours and it never will be.”</p>
<p>                Elora knew it was the truth deep in her heart but her soul was screaming as she followed. Identifying with their victim was entirely too easy when she’d already been there before and that was the problem. Elora’s experience was shades different and the memory of it would last an eternity while Barbara’s might come and go in flashes. There might always be bits and pieces never intending to connect fully to protect the parts of her not ready for the truth. In some ways, it kept her from feeling the full impact of that night and dampened the suffering that she would’ve endured in the aftermath.</p>
<p>                “This isn’t going to look good,” Elora pressed the ringer and waited, her voice still low as she could hear the thumping of footfalls from inside. “…for anyone.”</p>
<p>                The clicks and slides of locking mechanisms tapped out of place from the other side of the door. Barbara had been paranoid, bordering on hyper-vigilance since the attack. She had been using every available lock and it showed as the process for letting them in wore on. Seconds ticked by with exerted effort and Elora’s heart fluttered in her chest as the handle began to turn. Having Wyatt next to her was providing more strength than she cared to admit to as she stood face to face with Barbara.</p>
<p>                Barbara already knew something was wrong before she could even question it in sign, her makeup-free face showing the signs of a lack of sleep and the peek-a-boo bruising along her hairline.</p>
<p>                “We need to talk,” Elora signed as she spoke before gesturing toward Wyatt as Barbara’s stance became rigid and unfeeling, bordering on icy as she saw his visage, her signing weak but clear. “His name is Wyatt and he’s a friend just like Amanda, I promise.”</p>
<p>                “Okay,” Barbara’s enunciation was soft but strong enough to comprehend as she held the edge of the door and let them both in, tilting her head to the side as the well-lit, warm interior welcomed them in.</p>
<p>                Wyatt didn’t know a lot of sign language but he knew the basics, signing <em>thank you</em> as he passed with a gentle nod, softening Barbara’s demeanor enough to earn a weak stare instead of a heated glare. It’s progress, at least, Elora had figured. Elora understood the instant irritation from their victim and appreciated Wyatt’s attempt to foster an attempt to soften the blow. He did bring her balance despite the chaos that often surrounded their fieldwork. It was one of the things she missed about being around him.</p>
<p>                Implicit, carefree trust in the person at her side.</p>
<p>                “This isn’t going to be easy to ask you and I will understand if you are angry by the question but,” Elora wasn’t signing as her eyes were locked on Barbara’s, the conviction in her voice despite how shaky the syllables had become as she stood just feet from the couch. “Were you intimate with another man earlier on the night that Peirce raped you?”</p>
<p>                <em>Why would you ask me that? I told you everything!</em> Barbara’s signing was pointed, jagged, defensive, and justified as her backside barely touched the armrest of the couch, her knees shaking with the mere implication. She was irked and it showed as her arm motions became grandiose, rounded, and too close for comfort. Barbara was at the end of her rope. She shifted her weight and reached onto a shelf, pilfering through a small box until she had located a small object that was meant to affix to the side of her ear. She winced as it pushed into place and instilled a certain level of dizziness as she stared at Elora.</p>
<p>                It wasn’t completely recognizable to Elora but Barbara had put on a hearing aid.</p>
<p>                “I know this is a shock and it is going to pour more on you than you need but it isn’t going to be a bad thing if you were with a man before Peirce assaulted you,” Elora was doing her best not to stutter as she signed, the shakiness of her hands betraying her as she witnessed her fingers dancing every time she moved.</p>
<p>                “Stop signing, I can hear you with this,” Barbara’s voice wasn’t polished from lack of practice and focus on her sharper tones as she pointed to her ear, almost slapping the side of her head in the process. “I don’t wear it unless I have to. I have to because your hands won’t stop shaking.”</p>
<p>                Elora’s shoulders slumped and her hands dropped, the look of defeat amplified as she bit down on her lip to gather the last of her strength as she looked over at Wyatt, who was mere feet away. The silence was ordinarily her enemy but his eyes spoke louder than any words as a brow lifted and his head tilted, centering his gaze on her for just long enough to pull focus. He had done it dozens of times instinctively in the field and falling into old habits was necessary. Wyatt was never going to let Elora falter just as she would never let him fail. They had a mutual goal and were driven to keep each other on that course.</p>
<p>                “There was another DNA sample that showed up on your rape kit and I need to know if you were with another man earlier that day that might’ve been a factor in the results?” Elora’s voice was stoic after blinking to re-establish her strength, the determination building all over again even though she was witnessing Barbara’s intensified glare with every word.</p>
<p>                “Your answer is pivotal to your case and we empathize more than it seems as though we do, Miss Frazier,” Wyatt had to speak up and it took Barbara by surprise as she tilted her head quizzically in his direction, studying his face as the device on her ear tapped into the damaged eardrum and canal for her to hear him. “No one wants to put Peirce Evans in a set of handcuffs more than we do, I can assure you.”</p>
<p>                “I didn’t have sex with anyone,” Barbara’s mouth was trembling and her words weren’t as sharp as theirs but they knew exactly what she was saying as she feverishly wiped the oncoming tears and glided her fingers through her hair, desperately trying not to drool as talking was increasingly difficult. “I told Detective Rollins I was going on dates. I told her that we were not sleeping together. I gave her his name. I kept quiet around others because it doesn’t look professional.”</p>
<p>                “Barbara, were you dating a co-worker?” Elora approached and pulled a chair from the table near the spot that she’d been perched on, sitting in front of her knees to regain eye contact. “I know you told Detective Rollins but I don’t have that information now—please tell me.”</p>
<p>                Barbara sniffed the air and nodded slowly as she finally looked Elora in the eye, defeat written on her face. “I had been dating Peirce’s assistant Matthew Collins, for over three months, but we hadn’t done anything more than kiss. I was scared of going further.”</p>
<p>                “Wait, you’ve been dating Peirce’s assistant?” Wyatt was just as stunned as Elora, perhaps even moreso, as the revelation throttled the investigation a little more than it needed to. “For three months? You haven’t slept together?”</p>
<p>                “I am always afraid of what the repercussions of a sexual relationship with me will entail since I can’t really hear without a ridiculous device on the side of my head. Deaf people get made fun of a lot and I don’t need that,” Barbara sighed softly and grimaced as she stood up to pace the floor, her stress level climbing with every step. “It’s shallow but I was bully fodder growing up after I went from twenty-five percent hearing loss to over eighty in a year. People can be cruel.”</p>
<p>                It wasn’t shallow to consider the sound of her voice nor was it out of bounds to go slow. It was her right to consider a man, take her time, and dictate their speed. The choice had been taken away from her. Freedom to say <em>no</em> without doubt, with depth, and without fear of reprisal had been revoked, placing the role of <em>victim</em> upon her. It wasn’t enough that Barbara had to go through life with a disability that people didn’t always understand or comprehend. She had to add the idea that there were men around her, in the daily life she had built, that wanted to harm her.</p>
<p>                The thought crossed Elora’s mind that Barbara had been robbed of more than dignity as she contemplated her loss of innocence while grappling with the words and the emotional fodder that went along with it. “Barbara, I don’t mean to ask this but were you a virgin before this happened, or am I making an unreasonable leap based on your fear comment?”</p>
<p>                “I’ve slept with men but they were in similar predicaments as I am,” Barbara shook her head and coiled her fingers around the hem of her shirt, desperately gripping it as the disgust worked through her body. “Peirce may have taken my peace of mind but he didn’t take <em>that</em> from me, too.”</p>
<p>                That was the issue, it was worse than Peirce and Elora knew it as Barbara stared at the floor, at the pattern in the carpet. Evidence had shifted into place and revealed more than a seedy underbelly of lies that pointed to a lot more than a singular assailant in the dark. Elora had only tapped the surface, into half of the battle. The clock was ticking and an arraignment needed to happen sooner rather than later but she already knew that it wasn’t going to be just Peirce who was due for an arrest. Matthew was headed for the same fate.</p>
<p>                They just had to find out exactly how deeply he had become involved and how far he had pushed that envelope.</p>
<p>                “Barbara, Peirce might not be the only one that has robbed you of that,” Elora held a breath and watched Barbara’s shoulders slump, almost in defeat as she continued.  “Are you feeling brave enough to confront Matthew? We’ll put the nail in both of their coffins.”</p>
<p>                Barbara’s confidence was shallow and shaky, at best, but there was determination creeping to the surface as her fingers tightened until her knuckles went white. “I’m not brave but I’m not going to let him win, not this time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I could smell you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Right through the walls</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>These were the days</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sedateness put in its place</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>With you I let go</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did you know?</em>
</p>
<p>-Martin Vorbrodt &amp; Frank Spinath</p>
<p> </p>
<p>9:00 PM</p>
<p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct – Special Victims Unit</p>
<p>New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elliot Stabler was still lingering on Olivia’s lips. Electric, smooth, unbearably tantalizing, full of more mystery than intended. Something that had always been there, steadfast and strong, he managed to unlock it and send it rushing to the surface like a tidal wave. Olivia didn’t even have a moment to put up her defenses or tilt back onto her haunches. Elliot’s figurative teeth had sunk into her like she’d become his prey and she was prepared to let him devour whatever he wanted.</p>
<p>                That is if he wanted to do anything more than play with the spoils of his hunt.</p>
<p>                “There is not enough chatter and a little too much quiet in this precinct for my liking,” Olivia was hovering more than usual and the twitchiness was unmistakable as she tapped her fingers across the top of a filing cabinet. “Does anyone have an update or are we all just staring at nothing?”</p>
<p>                “Elora, Wyatt, and Barbara are stuck behind a fender bender on the way back but have a name to go on,” Amanda was the only one standing aside from Olivia, her focus on everything except her boss’s unusual behavior. “I have Kat making that phone call to get the bartender in for a witness statement and access to his video feed.”</p>
<p>                “What about the warrant?” Olivia was staring through Amanda, toward Fin as he was paper pushing in the back of the room, purposely avoiding full eye-contact with her. “Fin?”</p>
<p>                “On hold, until we fill in the gaps on that second set of DNA from the rape kit,” Fin lifted his chin, furrowed his brow, and stomped on that invisible line in the sand without even stopping to consider how bad it sounded. “We would’ve been able to update you on that earlier, though, if you hadn’t let the likes of Elliot Stabler get his hooks in right off the bat.”</p>
<p>                Olivia couldn’t deny it but it wasn’t the time to blurt it out when they had precious hours to consider and a case to focus on, with time ticking away. Embarrassment and the beginning blossom of anger flooded her cheeks, setting off every nervous tick that she had been suppressing since Elliot stepped back into her life. The truth was that she didn’t know exactly where it stood, even as she contemplated the feel of his mouth against hers or the words that preceded them. The years hadn’t been kind and it had unleashed another layer of insecurity within her breast, marred by the deepening of cracks in her dampened spirit. The fact remained that the Elliot Stabler that had left wasn’t entirely the same as the one that had pulled her into his arms.</p>
<p>                Somehow, Olivia wanted to pull him apart, layer by layer, to discover if the woman she had become belonged anywhere near the man that he had become.</p>
<p>                “I already told you, I’m not discussing this right now,” Olivia sucked a puff of air through her lips and powered beyond the urge to spill tears as she eclipsed the distance to lower her voice. “It is not the time or the place.”</p>
<p>                It was too far and Fin knew the nerve had been obliterated in front of Amanda as his tone softened, leveled, and the topic redirected. “Rollins has been keeping in touch with Caruso on where we stand with Barbara. The clock is stalled but we might be looking at two suspects instead of one.”</p>
<p>                “Take away the might from that thought process,” Amanda was concentrating on scrolling through her phone, through the texts, as they came in one after another from Elora as she stood up from behind the desk. “Elora and Wyatt are on their way back in with Barbara to formalize a statement about a non-intimate relationship with Peirce’s assistant, Matthew. There wasn’t another man in her life and the two of them had not had sex.”</p>
<p>                “Barbara was dating Peirce’s assistant?” Olivia’s jaw dropped as she drew another breath and went to the massive flow chart that had been devolving since the second set of DNA was introduced along with the myriad of faceless, nameless individuals that could have been associated with it. “The bartender would’ve seen one or both present, elevating a reasonable amount of suspicion about the ability to drug her openly.”</p>
<p>                “Go the opposite direction with your idea,” Fin furrowed his brow and drew a line between Peirce’s name and Matthew’s, with the word <em>decoy</em> floating under the arrow. “Matthew isn’t just the second assailant, he’s familiar enough that the bartender didn’t even bat an eye at him. She was probably friendly to him…smiled at him, even.”</p>
<p>                “Never suspected a moment. She wouldn’t have even questioned his presence or thought twice about him being in her personal space,” Amanda tilted her head and continued through the text messages, moving her thumb across her screen as another element unfolded within their case. “Elora added that Barbara has been dating Matthew for just under four months. They weren’t planning to meet up that night but he did ask to stop by at the bar and only stayed for a few minutes, bought her a drink, kissed her on the cheek…then left.”</p>
<p>                “Get Kat to put a little urgency on that conversation with the bartender and let’s invite Matthew Collins in for that elimination sample in a discreet fashion?” Olivia had one of her hidden smiles perched as she angled the board away from the front of the room, making it visible only to a cluster of desks while Fin was already in the middle of a text before turning her attention toward Amanda. “Set up the conference room for Matthew and we’ll make sure Elora keeps Barbara in the lounge to soften the air of suspicion.”</p>
<p>                “The last thing we need is a collision course between them so he’ll know right away that I’m about to snag a can of coke from him to run a swab across,” Amanda got to her feet, her phone still in her grip as she got a little closer to Fin, the tone of her voice low as she made eye contact with her Sergeant. “How about you stop poking the Captain, Sarge? I think you’ve sufficiently pissed her off for the entire week.”</p>
<p>                “Coming at me for your two cents doesn’t mean you’re right,” Fin gestured toward the door and moved in the opposite direction, purposely avoiding the intensified stare that Liv had fixed on his face as he sidestepped to stay out of her way. “I’ll go see what’s keeping Kat…phone calls don’t take this long.”</p>
<p>                Trapped.</p>
<p>                Olivia couldn’t breathe. Wretchedness invaded her stomach as she shoved her cell into her pocket and did a 360 spin before settling her field of vision on the wall. On the clock, centered above the pane of glass, ticking away at the seconds. Ticking away at the shreds of sanity, patience, and emotional centeredness. She had already let the abyss in and it had taken over a piece of her soul before ravaging what was left of the broken heart that resided beneath her chest. Panic drove through her as she could barely keep up with her feet, the rapid tapping of her heels echoing as she let the halls pull her deeper within the corridors.</p>
<p>                “Oh, God,” Olivia didn’t recognize the sound of her voice as the stairwell door thumped against the wall and reverberated in every direction. “This can’t be happening.”</p>
<p>                It was the first time in days that she’d been able to hear nothing but the sound of breaths and the building shudder. Alone in an endless swirl of thoughts that Olivia wasn’t certain were her own. It wasn’t the realization that her heart had begun to beat again that was ripping her to pieces but the uncertainty that it would continue to. Admitting that she wanted it so badly would’ve meant that she’d have to elucidate the amount of time she’d contemplated a life with him and the reality of facing one without him, had her head spinning a little more. Olivia had spent nine years coping with wearing black for a man that hadn’t even died.</p>
<p>                Elliot.</p>
<p>                Damn him.</p>
<p>                Damn every moment.</p>
<p>                Olivia leaned against the railing, let the first tear fall, and sank to the middle step as the cool steel permeated against her, reminding her that loneliness had a temperature. Cold. She white-knuckled the spindle and pressed her forehead against it, silently sobbing as the wind moved through the corridor, stinging tear kissed skin as she closed her eyes. She’d already been in this exact spot, crying over the exact man, and for a moment, nothing had changed. Nothing had become of the woman that had let her heart ice over with the passing of time. It didn’t matter how many times she’d tried to pull it from her chest—it never really was hers to give away.</p>
<p>                At least, not to anyone other than the reason for so many tears.</p>
<p>                “Liv,” Elliot’s voice, the variable in the sea of waking dreams that could’ve knocked her over with a feather, punctured a hole in her personal hell with a knee between hers and a thumb across her cheek. “I don’t have to ask you to know something is wrong but I want to know what happened…tell me what you need me to do.”</p>
<p>                <em>Run from me. Run away with me. Stay.</em></p>
<p>                Every ounce of rising panic came to a screeching halt as Elliot squeezed Olivia’s wrist, tapping into her pulse point as the rhythm slowed to a dull crawl. It wouldn’t have been the first time he’d pulled her from the brink of disaster and, in her weary mind, she knew it probably wouldn’t be the last. It didn’t matter how long she had been residing in the dark, he’d always manage to pluck her from it and reassure her that light still existed on the other side. He was more than a beacon. He was the only guide that ever tried to keep pressing forward.</p>
<p>                “I  don’t know if you ever will be able to undo nine years of nightmares, not just the kind that happens in the middle of the night, either. I mean the ones that hit at any moment of the day, when your eyes are still awake, El, and there’s nothing I can do but wait until it passes,” Olivia was hoarse, and the woman that had barely escaped William Lewis was screaming behind those eyes as she looked at Elliot from his perch in front of her, his body heat radiating against her. “I’m not the Olivia that you left behind. I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”</p>
<p>                “You know, age might’ve come for us both and spent a little too much time instilling aches and pains that force us to remember every day exactly how old we’ve gotten but there’s more of the Olivia Benson I’ve always known than you realize. The parts of you that changed aren’t nearly as prominent as you think,” Elliot tugged her fingers away from the spindle and enfolded them within his own as his knees popped against the steel and slip-free strip beneath him, pressing his forehead against hers. “No one can take away that part of you from your grip…or mine.”</p>
<p>                “Poetic words aren’t going to fix the mess you’ve walked into,” Olivia’s bottom lip quivered despite the best effort to stop the sobbing before they intensified but his powder blue eyes were doing a number on her psyche as she shook where she sat. “I can’t go through that again. I can’t watch you walk away…I’m exhausted.”</p>
<p>                “You know, you’d have to make me leave,” Elliot traced the line of her nose, her cheeks, her jaw, and tilted her chin up while his thumbs grazed the swell of her lips, dragging the bottom lip down enough to elicit an elongated sigh. “Someone is going to walk into the stairwell from the floor below and get an eye full of my ass bent over to kiss you.”</p>
<p>                “You have pants on,” Olivia had the makings of a smile as she coiled her digits around the tip of his tie, tugging him closer, making him chase her mouth in a last-ditch effort to prolong the moment. “It isn’t an offensive sight, though. They don’t have to watch.”</p>
<p>                “Have I successfully softened the effects of an anxiety attack or do you need a little more?” Elliot placed a kiss against her laugh line, dragging his mouth down toward the corner of her lip until it was between his teeth and she was sufficiently drawn to him as much as he was to her.</p>
<p>                “I wouldn’t complain if you decided to give a little more,” Olivia hadn’t felt at ease in days and Elliot had brought something out of her that had been missing, lying dormant, for far too long as his mouth was close enough to feel his breath on her skin. “I’ve never wanted to forget about every bad moment that has happened in my life more than I do right now.”</p>
<p>                “That’s one way to reintroduce me to far too many people’s shit list, isn’t it?” Elliot smirked from the edge of the steps and tilted his chin enough to let his mouth collide with hers, enveloping her in the kiss he’d already been hinting at.</p>
<p>                They’d waited for so long to ignite a fire and let it burn. The embers, hot and smoldering, glowed beneath the surface, lying in wait for the moment when fire met ice and the impulse sparked between them. Elliot and Olivia knew, though, that it was always there, tentatively biding time for the right time to arrive. Even as lips parted and Olivia’s fingers coiled around Elliot’s tie, tugging him closer with every loop of her hand, every unknown was still there, highlighted. Uncertainty and the waiting hunger moved together in the same dance that their lips had begun, gnawing at another layer of thirst they had not begun to quench.</p>
<p>                Elliot craved the taste and Olivia could’ve gotten drunk off of the feel of his stubble against her cheek while his tongue moved along hers.</p>
<p>                It went deeper than affliction.</p>
<p>                They’d mourned the loss of the other and unleashed the pining with passionate kisses and fevered gropes in the stairwell.</p>
<p>                “You have work to do,” Elliot’s nose was against her cheek after the breathless gasp left her lips from the hasty departure of his mouth from hers, eyes closed as the sensation surged through him and his heartbeat found rhythm against her palm. “I know I keep taking your head out of the game but I’m selfishly wanting time with you. I should be more patient.”</p>
<p>                “Everything is in limbo. Kat is fresh from Vice and Elora has all of the experience but hasn’t figured out if she can trust anyone here. Amanda has taken Elora under her wing but there’s still a disconnect between them, at times,” Olivia breathed deeply and took comfort in his presence, in the chilly, hollow silence that filled the stairwell as the emotions worked through her mental processes, wracking her a little further into frustration. “It is the first time that being the Captain has worn on my gut and it shouldn’t.”</p>
<p>                “You know Cragen never had it easy when it came to a team full of strong personalities that constantly fought like children and the interference that IAB loved to run,” Elliot guided her to her feet, coaxing a smile out of her as she was standing on the step above him with a hand wrapped around the railing. “I’d say you’re doing pretty well.”</p>
<p>                “We didn’t constantly fight like children,” Olivia turned to maneuver back up the steps, posturing her outstretched hand toward him as an offering for a lot more than following him. “It’s about that time for me to facetime Noah before Lucy puts him to bed and I’d like him to at least see and hear the man that he’s seen pictures of before he meets you in person.”</p>
<p>                Elliot laced his fingers with hers and nodded gently despite the air of trepidation that still existed as he met a waiting gaze from Olivia as the breeze whistled through the gaps in every door above and below. “Are you certain that’s what you want to do? I’m in no rush and there’s no pressure if you’re not ready to do that, Liv.”</p>
<p>                “I have enough things that are speculative in my life, El, but wanting my son to know who you are isn’t one of them…” Olivia pressed her lips together and moved her thumb across the top of his hand as he came up to meet her at the landing, the corners of her lips still turned just enough as she tilted her head in agreement. “I have no doubts.”</p>
<p>                Elliot held a breath as the dubiousness softened and the determination replaced her demeanor with another forward motioning step, pushing them forward instead of back. “I’ll follow your lead, then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Everything</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You want</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Is on the other side</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Of fear.</em>
</p>
<p>-Jack Canfield</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Conference Room B</p>
<p>               </p>
<p>                Matthew Collins hadn’t sat still since he’d arrived. He had an air of discomfort even as Amanda confidently pushed paperwork in front of him and angled the blinds in such a way that it required a standing position to see into the squad room. Matthew fixated on Amanda’s movements, languid and slow, purposeful and delicate, until her backside slid onto the modest cushion of the seat across from him, resuming her penetrative stare. He looked around again, his fingers wrapped around the plastic cup with a pen in the other hand while the digits twitched. No one was coming to rescue him. Wesley was far too busy attempting to wrangle Peirce from his plight and there wasn’t a trace of anyone but the calm, collected detective in front of him.</p>
<p>                “The paperwork is just a formality, Mister Collins,” Amanda flashed her pearly whites and tapped the top of the paperwork again, honing in his focus on the task at hand as she crossed her legs somewhat provocatively before continuing to speak. “Your boss, Mister Evans, mentioned that you were a witness that could vouch for him on the night in question and this is just a simple verification of that fact.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, he did?” Matthew stammered, his voice creeping inward as he scooted around in his chair like an uncooperative toddler at a doctor’s office. “I suppose I should…just write down my corroborating statement, sign this, and we’ll all be getting a move on?”</p>
<p>                “Unless your statement doesn’t exactly go along with what Peirce is telling the detectives in one of our interrogation rooms?” Amanda’s propensity for oozing empathy was high and she was tapping into every angle of vulnerability as Matthew flinched in front of her while she reached for the dwindling cup in front of her. “Can I get you another coffee? Soda?”</p>
<p>                “I’ll have to look back through the dates for a second just to check. I keep meticulous records of what I do when it concerns Peirce and his professional life,” Matthew studied her, furrowed his brow, and watched as she carried the cup toward the door as he shook his phone in her direction. “Coffee…I guess.”</p>
<p>                “Sure, you look over those dates and I’ll just go get that coffee,” Amanda shook her head and left him seated in the conference room with a click of the door, meeting Fin as she made a hasty exit with the cup in her hand. “Got an evidence bag for that?”</p>
<p>                “That was a little too easy,” Fin nodded and grabbed an empty from the top of a collection kit, opening it to collect the cup she was balancing against a napkin, his brows furrowed skeptically. “Good ole switch-a-roo?”</p>
<p>                “More like a careful game of deception that we’ve all gotten a little too good at,” Amanda labeled it and glanced back, watching Matthew’s silhouette as he fidgeted in her absence, the curiosity only building while she established a proper chain of command on the cup. “Is Elle back with Barbara? Did you give her the rundown not to let her go running through here until I can get this secured?”</p>
<p>                “Yeah, both of them just a few minutes ago with Detective Avery. Wondering when we’ll get a call from his Lou about the time away from the one-three,” Fin tilted his head while she was marking the procedurals and sealing up the bag, visibly perplexed by the idea despite the amusement it was inspiring on Amanda’s face.</p>
<p>                “His Lou doesn’t give a shit unless he can root for Elora to fail. Detective Avery has other interests in mind when it comes to his former partner,” Amanda checked the transfer box and put it in his capable hands, smirking as she crossed her arms while scoping out the bartender shaking hands with Kat in the archway to the hall. “That looks promising…”</p>
<p>                Kat came in carrying a small box of flash drives with a slow nod working her chin as she came up to them, hiding a hint of a smile. “Bartender thought we were trying to shut him down when I asked for the flash drives to look at the surveillance footage but I appealed to the businessman in him when I explained that he was about to help put away a rapist…or be considered a potential accomplice.”</p>
<p>                “Did his fuzzy memory suddenly improve?” Fin raised a brow while Amanda was making another cup of coffee to placate Matthew.</p>
<p>                “Oh, yeah,” Kat was far more exuberant than either of them had expected as she crossed her arms before continuing. “I’ll have to confirm it with the footage but he all but confirmed that little Matthew over there was hanging around Barbara and her friend a little more than necessary the night of the rape.”</p>
<p>                “Was he vague or specific?” Fin snapped his fingers in the direction of one of the Unis walking by, preparing to get an escort to have it taken to the lab.</p>
<p>                Kat scrunched her nose, recollecting the details of the conversations despite a distracting thud in the background. “He was able to remember that Matthew was doing entirely too much touching of Barbara’s drink glasses…but didn’t question it when she didn’t seem to mind him there.”</p>
<p>                “Is he in there?” Barbara hadn’t taken off the hearing aid and her focus was steady as she shoved past Elora and Wyatt, her anger pouring out as she pointed toward the partly closed blinds to the conference room. “Detective Rollins, is that where he is?”</p>
<p>                “Barbara, you can’t be here,” Amanda nearly dropped the hot coffee as she positioned herself at the door, blocking it from her accessing the other side. “You could jeopardize the case against him.”</p>
<p>                “I want to hear him say it,” Barbara knew it was probably futile but she tapped against the side of her head as the device buzzed against her damaged eardrum and canal, awkwardly shifting as she grimaced. “I want to know…”</p>
<p>                “Goddammit, Barbara, this isn’t going to help anything,” Elora bounded over the chair she’d been shoved onto and held up her hands in front of an incensed victim bent on getting what she came for. “I know you think this is going to help you but it isn’t.”</p>
<p>                “Detective Rollins, what’s the hold up on that coffee?” The timing couldn’t have been worse as the door opened and Matthew’s clueless expression peered through the gap behind Amanda. “Oh, Barbara…”</p>
<p>                Barbara flailed and nearly intercepted Elora’s face with her fist as the attempt to pull her back began. “You son of a bitch!”</p>
<p>                Barbara had ushered in chaos even as Elora held up a hand to keep everyone at bay. It didn’t need to go this way and there was no reason to make it worse even as Fin, Kat, and Wyatt were just a few feet away, ready to assist. Barbara was drawing in a breath, fighting against Elora’s grip around her waist even as Matthew shrugged his shoulders in her direction. She wanted to know why. She wanted to hear him say it and the tears down her face spoke volumes while the frenetic motions of her signing were inching close to indecipherable. She was on the brink of a break as she clawed at Elora’s grip, spinning around amid the struggle.</p>
<p>                “Why?” Barbara implored, her voice ragged and loud, as she signed it and stared him down while the strength in her knees began to give.</p>
<p>                Matthew licked his lips while Amanda stayed strategically between them, an unapologetic smile forming as he let his hands drop to his sides, destroying the façade he’d carefully constructed for her. “You wouldn’t have let me have you if I hadn’t taken it—and you looked so beautiful. No more refusals, Bee. I took what you wouldn’t give me. You were perfect.”</p>
<p>                Barbara went limp against Elora’s forearm, crumbling in a heap of tears. Reality had finally caught up and Elora could do nothing but hold her as she dropped to her knees, cradling her from hitting the tiles harder than necessary. There was no way that Barbara’s sobs couldn’t be heard from down the hall. There was no way that it wouldn’t have been justified for her to want to confront him but the bitter taste was creeping in as Elora pressed her palm to the back of Barbara’s head, doing her best to comfort her. The action felt futile, hollow, and yet, another layer of rage began to brew as Elora looked up at Matthew’s lopsided grin.</p>
<p>                He was proud of himself.</p>
<p>                “Get him the fuck out of here!” Elora finally shouted, pointing her finger at Matthew, letting the former victim bleed through as she felt her own heart beating against her sternum. “I don’t care where he goes but he doesn’t <em>get</em> to see this.”</p>
<p>                Barbara’s eyes closed as the room closed in. She wanted to shut it all out and forget where she was, who she was, and what life had done to her. She didn’t even have an opportunity to witness Amanda diverting Matthew in the direction of an interrogation room. In her gut, Elora knew that the agony had only just begun and for the first time she didn’t know if Barbara was strong enough to brace against the impending storm. There was so much more she would face and her fingers were slipping further away.</p>
<p>                Further into the dark.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I think I need a little bit to process</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What you’ve done</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I think we really need to talk about it</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>One on one</em>
</p>
<p>-Georgios Smaragdis</p>
<p> </p>
<p>10:00 PM</p>
<p>140 W 55<sup>th</sup> St #15</p>
<p>New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “What happens now?” Wyatt broke the silence after the elevator doors opened, following Elora down the short hall toward her penthouse.</p>
<p>                “I get a bit of sleep and start all over in the morning unless I’m needed before the night is done,” Elora pressed her lips together and shoved both hands into her pockets, shrugging as the exhaustion was setting in. “First in, first out—everyone knew about the girls and wanted me to be able to get a little rest.”</p>
<p>                “Do you need me to hang around?” Wyatt knew how lame it sounded before he could even ask it but he did it anyway as they came to the door. “It isn’t like I have to go back to the one-three right away.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t think I need to expose you to the potential disaster on the other side of this door, Wyatt. I haven’t cleaned and the place wasn’t exactly tidy earlier,” Elora fished her keys from her coat pocket, extended her hand toward the handle as Wyatt’s chest was close enough to feel the heat radiating off of him, inadvertently dropping the ring of brass in the process. “Whoops.”</p>
<p>                “Getting clumsier by the second, Caruso,” Wyatt bent at the waist before she could, retrieving them from the floor but kept them just out of reach as he straightened his spine to look at her while leaning against the alcove. “Something tells me you didn’t want me to be alone with you again and if you lie, I’ll call you out. Are you trying to get rid of me?”</p>
<p>                “Wyatt Elliot Avery, you give me back my keys or I’ll jab you in the gut with my knuckles,” Elora’s voice was low but forceful as Wyatt kept them just out of her reach while she tugged at his sleeve, a hint of frustration creeping across her expression as she encroached on his diminishing space. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do you always do this?”</p>
<p>                “I’ll give them back when you stop evading what I’m trying to confront you about,” Wyatt palmed the hefty keyring and grasped her wrist before she could swing it in the direction of his midsection, holding it against the doorframe while her chest heaved. “What is so bad about being alone with me? You used to spend hours with me off shift. What changed?”</p>
<p>                “Nothing has changed other than you being a fucking needy ass that won’t give me my keys so I can make sure that my nieces haven’t set fire to the apartment or duct-taped Mara to a chair,” Elora grasped his shirt with her free hand, yanking him away from the wall just enough to throttle him against the finish, growling at him. “I’m not in the mood to play games with you tonight.”</p>
<p>                “I’m not needy,” Wyatt had a smirk plastered on his face and a chuckle escaping his lips while he continued to irritate her, softening his tone as his index tucked her hair behind an ear, lingering along her jawline to pull her focus. “What are you in the mood for then? Tell me.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, no, you’re not pulling the charming detective bullshit on me tonight, Wyatt. That’s the kind of crap I’d kick your ass for less over,” Elora’s body betrayed her as she only stepped into his advances and let her memory forget the waiting keys in his hand while gazing entirely too long into his pools of green and mahogany. “I’m certain I’ve done it for less.”</p>
<p>                “You’re not exactly moving away from me, you <em>hot mess</em>,” Wyatt chewed the inside of his cheek and pressed his hand against the middle of her back, drawing her closer, onto her toes, eclipsing the distance as though he’d pictured the moment a thousand times. “Let me in.”</p>
<p>                Somewhere between the recesses of light and dark, the unspoken had already been blooming and the things Elora had only dared to utter to the rafters, to the pillow at night, were screaming at her from the corners of her mind. Wyatt had been more than an afterthought. He had been more than the sweat-clad moan in the middle of the night when the bed was undeniably empty aside from her form that needlessly ached. Elora wanted exactly what he was willing to give and it was emanating off of her like a rising fever as she coiled her digits around the cotton blend front of his shirt, letting him lean into her. Letting him breathe her in right against the doorknob.</p>
<p>                It would’ve been met with an equal amount of enthusiasm if the door hadn’t flung open, ushering the chorus of shrieks and giggling from the other side that took the edge right off of a moment waiting.</p>
<p>                “Aunty Elle! Uncle Wyatt!” Elizabeth was the first to hop over the top of her sister after letting go of a handful of her hair in the doorway. “You’re home!”</p>
<p>                “My God, who gave you two sugar?” Wyatt was pink in the cheeks as Elizabeth and Adeline had him around the waist, nearly taking him to the floor with a hug. “You two were no bigger than my knee last time I saw you.”</p>
<p>                “Aunty Elle…were you smooching Uncle Wyatt? It looked like you were smooching Uncle Wyatt,” Adeline grimaced and trotted around them, her hair a mess and her pajamas equally as destroyed, with a leg hiked up to her thigh and one sock absent.</p>
<p>                “No,” Elora scoffed and redirected Adeline by the top of her head back into the apartment as Wyatt casually set the keys on the end table just inside the door, his smirk still potent as he stayed in the doorway while she made eye contact with Mara. “What happened to bedtime?”</p>
<p>                “I didn’t realize that they turn into gremlins when you give them a <em>single</em> cookie after six in the evening,” Mara rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow at Wyatt in the doorway as he bit down on his bottom lip to quell the smile. “Oh, look, if it isn’t Detective Wyatt Avery still hanging around. Aren’t you at a different precinct?”</p>
<p>                “Good to see you, too, Mara,” Wyatt waited until Mara was out of sight with both girls in toe to open his mouth after licking his lips, his eyes on Elora as she shed her coat. “I should get going so you can finish laying down the hammer with those two.”</p>
<p>                Elora nodded as he started to walk away, her lip firmly between her teeth until the gumption took hold and she stepped into the hallway, calling after him. “Wyatt, wait…”</p>
<p>                Wyatt turned and let the hallway light illuminate the deep hue of pink along the apples of his cheeks as he lifted his chin to renew eye contact with her. “I already gave you back your keys, Elle.”</p>
<p>                “That’s not what I was going to say,” Elora swallowed hard, hugged her arms against her chest as she approached and stood in front of him, eyes up at him while her index fiddled with the edge of his tie. “I don’t know how I’m going to handle all of this and I don’t know if this is permanent but if it is—I don’t want everything to fall apart.”</p>
<p>                “I am never going to let you fall,” Wyatt placed a kiss along her temple and embraced her, offering that comforting solace that he’d given so many times, wanting desperately to give her everything if she’d take it. “I’m a phone call or a text away. Anything—for you, for them—is that understood?”</p>
<p>                “Why do you care so much?” Elora already knew the answer, deep in her soul but the yearning to ask was too great as Wyatt’s hands caressed her lower back while hers gripped his ribs. “I don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>                “You know you do, though,” Wyatt held a breath and slowly backed away, pressed his lips together, before letting the words spring free as there was a little bit of distance between them. “I don’t think either of us are capable of having that conversation tonight, Elle…but there’s always a reason and I know that you know what it is.”</p>
<p>                Elora did know the reason that he cared about her so much. The reason wasn’t profound or new, either. It had been there for a long time, like an elephant that they’d denied for so long. The worst part of the explanation was that it was mutual and strong, with nothing more than uncertainty holding them back. Elora bit down on the corner of her lip as she tilted her chin, the agreement unspoken as she watched him walk away.</p>
<p>                Elora wanted to say it in refrain where her heart resided but the fraying edges of a life of uncertainty kept Wyatt at arm’s length despite how hard he was reaching for her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so sorry it took so long to get this one out to everyone. As you can see, there was a reason. It is so much longer and has a lot going on. I truly hope it’s well-received. This one is almost done.</p>
<p>To my girlies…thank you. Aubrey, you rock and always give me such great feedback on pieces. I just hope the whole chapter pays off.</p>
<p>To Cate, you save me.</p>
<p>Quotes by:<br/>Unknown<br/>Martin Vorbrodt &amp; Frank Spinath<br/>Jack Canfield<br/>Georgios Smaragdis</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Shattered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Olivia opens up the part of her life that Elliot has not gotten to see, pushing the floodgates a little further as more of their past crawls to the surface. Pretrial begins and a bombshell is delivered, shattering more than expectations in front of a judge and the defense.</p>
<p>“Kidnap me from my reality and crushed pieces in my soul, color me outside the lines until my shattered heart is whole.” -Perry</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>shat·tered /ˈSHadərd/ Adjective - broken into many pieces.<br/>"a snaky line of shattered glass"<br/>o	(of something abstract) damaged or destroyed.<br/>"a pale illusion of their shattered dreams"</p>
<p>Note: Yutz is a fool in Yiddish. I am taking Forensic Psych and my criminal psych class added to the legal aspect of this chapter. I hope it translates. Details and information would be accurate for the type of case presented.</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.</p>
<p>Need Help? Call 800.656.HOPE(4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And when your heart</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Is shattered glass</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Beneath your tear filled hands,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope you remember</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Every war you have won.</em>
</p>
<p>-Erin Van Vuren</p>
<p> </p>
<p>16<sup>th</sup> Precinct</p>
<p>New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elliot and Olivia had unknowingly removed themselves from the chaos. The crisp, night air atop the building was just below comfortable as Olivia stood beneath the amber glow of the access light while beaming at the blue glow of her tablet. She didn’t have the heart to interrupt Noah’s nonsensical, sleepy rambling just yet, even as Lucy’s gentle reminder that he was way past his bedtime had him heaving a heavy sigh while carrying the tablet around. Getting a word in was difficult on nights like these and Olivia could see the cheesy grin on Elliot’s understanding face as she adjusted her posture against the brick. Experience with children was something that they shared; he was just far more seasoned than she was.</p>
<p>                “Noah, you and Lucy ate some of that cake tonight, didn’t you?” Olivia finally interrupted him in mid-sentence, earning a healthy laugh from the guilty nanny in the background. “I’ll take that as a yes.”</p>
<p>                “It was only a small piece and I gave Lucy most of my frosting,” Noah flashed his teeth and wriggled across his bed, jostling the tablet until she could see straight up his nose while he crawled to the pillow. “It was good.”</p>
<p>                “That’s my bad, Olivia. I didn’t think he’d turn into a tornado for three hours,” Lucy peeked into the frame, her guilty smile framed by the handful of toys and clothes as she picked up the mess behind Noah. “I’ll remember that jelly-filled cake is an afternoon thing…not an after-dinner, thing.”</p>
<p>                “It’s okay, maybe it was a good thing that he’s still awake, there’s someone I’d like him to say <em>hello</em> to,” Olivia extended her shaky digits on her free hand toward Elliot, waiting for him to move into her sphere as the words came out and Noah’s attention stayed trained on her. “Noah, do you remember how I told you that I had a partner before Uncle Nick?”</p>
<p>                “Mmmhmmm, the one that you keep the picture of in the living room on a shelf?” Noah was attentive but his words were laced with an ample, wide-mouthed yawn as he reclined in his bed, holding the tablet between his fingers while he smiled at Olivia through the screen. “Elliot, right? That’s what you said his name was.”</p>
<p>                “I’m going to have to remember how outstanding your memory is,” Olivia squeezed Elliot’s fingers as she repositioned the tablet, letting the frame show both of their faces as she maneuvered her hand around to the small of his back, pressing her fingers against his coat. “Noah, this is Elliot...Elliot, this is my very precocious, hopped up on sugar even though he’s well aware it’s late, son, Noah.”</p>
<p>                “Hi Elliot,” Noah was waving, shaking the camera in the process before settling with the book he’d taken from the bedside table, his attention span waning with every word spoken. “You’re smiling like you were in the picture and so is mom…do you like to read?”</p>
<p>                “It’s a smile-worthy moment when I can meet and talk to a very interesting young man, Noah,” Elliot’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard, watching the dimples form on Noah’s cheeks, framed by the messy curls atop his head, the grin unmistakable as he gently coughed away the fog. “I haven’t been a reader in years but I do like to…when I have the chance.”</p>
<p>                “Maybe you can read with me. Mom isn’t very patient with the long words,” Noah rarely pulled punches and the last person he’d calm his filter for was Olivia, despite their bond. “Mom, could Elliot read with me? We could have spaghetti and read?”</p>
<p>                “That’s really up to Elliot,” Olivia didn’t want to put pressure on him but there was a shred of her that wanted him to just say <em>yes</em>. “You’re a lot to handle after spaghetti.”</p>
<p>                “Spaghetti and pizza are my two favorite foods, you know,” Elliot caressed her thumb as he felt her entire hand shaking against his hip, redirecting the tension back to where it belonged, in his grasp. “Your mom must’ve forgotten.”</p>
<p>                Elliot not-so-secretly didn’t want to miss another moment of the life Olivia had constructed. There was uncertainty swelling in it, of course, as he imagined the imperfections he was introducing and potential upheaval he might cause just by being there. Somehow, though, he wanted to make it right. He had to make it right. He knew that he owed it to her and he owed it to the part of himself that had held her bleeding too many times. Being able to touch his Olivia again had awakened the part of Elliot Stabler that he thought he’d left to rot out in the cold. It was also in those dimples and that thick head of curly hair, another string of Elliot’s heart frayed, split, and wrapped tighter around the broken pieces.</p>
<p>                Noah was simply an extension of Olivia and Elliot was already hopelessly pulled apart for both of them.</p>
<p>                “It doesn’t count as a favorite when Chinese and non-spicy Thai are also on your list, Elliot Stabler,” Olivia rolled her eyes and grinned at him as she chastised him for the remark just enough to make Noah laugh. “For now, though, my darling boy…it is beyond your bedtime. I’ll discuss spaghetti and reading with Elliot if you get right to sleep, okay?”</p>
<p>                “Okay,” Noah frowned and let Lucy hold onto the tablet as he scooted down in the bed, resting his head against the pillow, a moderately petulant expression on his face. “Promise?”</p>
<p>                “I promise,” Olivia blew him a kiss, squeezed Elliot’s hand at her side, and let her thumb hover over the hang-up button. “I love you, goodnight, Noah.”</p>
<p>                “I love you, too, mom,” Noah was on his side, cuddling a stuffed elephant that had seen better days with a sleepy grin on his face as his eyes were already closing. “Goodnight…nice to meet you, Elliot.”</p>
<p>                “It was nice to meet you, too, Noah,” Elliot couldn’t have been more grateful for the closeness as her fingers perched carefully against his palm, settling against his warmth while the wind began to blow. “Sleep good, kid.”</p>
<p>                The video session came to an end and the strange quiet engulfed them like a gathering squall as Elliot tugged Olivia’s wrist, pulling her into an embrace. Her fingers gathered at his back and the memory of his smell replayed a thousand times as she buried her forehead against the crook of his neck. The exhale shook her and reverberated against him while he held her tight, breathing in the scent that he missed so much.  Their mutual omission went beyond the passing of time and they wanted nothing more than to reclaim what they’d already lost. What they thought they’d never have an opportunity to get back.</p>
<p>                The vein of trauma still ran deep but a dotting of healing was already beginning even as the first drops of freezing rain began to fall.</p>
<p>                Elliot placed his lips along her temple and let his mouth linger there as he felt her heartbeat thudding against his ribs. “You kept a photo of me?”</p>
<p>                “Pushing your luck, aren’t you, Stabler?” Olivia was a little muffled before she lifted her chin and searched his face as that soft smile appeared all over again. “Of course I did. You meant everything and I wanted a piece of you, even in the smallest of measures, to remember you by.”</p>
<p>                “My comfortable hoodie wasn’t enough?” Elliot raised his brow and watched her chew on the edge of her lip to quell a laugh while he tucked her hair behind an ear, admiring her a little more. “Which picture was it?”</p>
<p>                “You aren’t allowed to be nitpicky about that hoodie. It’s mine now,” Olivia swatted him in the gut and maneuvered toward the door while running her fingers through her hair. “It was a photo that Munch took at one of those parties we both hated…the one time we were both smiling.”</p>
<p>                “You kept it?” Elliot stopped following and swallowed hard, the gravity of her words hitting him between the eyes as he realized just how long ago it was. “Was I really that blind, Liv?”</p>
<p>                Olivia turned around, the distance between them just far enough to be out of each other’s reach as her nod was slow while the look in her eyes was distant, eyes glassed over. “El, you had a wife and a family that needed you. I wouldn’t call you blind…it was more like I did everything I could to not be obvious.”</p>
<p>                “You hid how you felt about me to keep me from making the decision myself?” Elliot had a note of anger in his voice as he took a step closer and aimed his index at her, narrowing his eyes at her as another layer of stone crumbled around his heart. “Olivia.”</p>
<p>                “When you say it like that it seems a lot worse than it was at the time,” Olivia felt bile rising in her throat as she gripped the tablet in one hand and wildly waved the other as the nerves set every alarm bell off. “Are you really mad about that, Elliot?”</p>
<p>                “Mad?” Elliot was reeling, the emotional scale feverishly jumping between sadness and a growing frustration that was squarely directed at what had never been in his control. “I don’t think it accurately describes what I could have said or done if I had known that—"</p>
<p>                “Don’t say it,” Olivia already knew where he was headed with his comment as she cut him off from finishing that thought, her eyes glassing over with another round of tears. “I spent far too long second-guessing the decision to be what I thought you needed me to be. Don’t make me live in more regret. I don’t need it.”</p>
<p>                “I could’ve given you what no one else even tried to give you,” Elliot let it slip out like water over a cliff, effortless and ready to drown her in the pool below, his voice low, deep, and ragged. “It isn’t something to regret, Liv, but <em>my God</em>, those years just kept stacking.”</p>
<p>                Olivia’s eyes widened and her knees buckled as she did her best not to shout at him while the freezing rain started to pelt their rooftop escape, stinging exposed skin just enough as the wind whipped. “I was never going to be an excuse, an escape, or a device. I got attached to your kids and even had a friendship with Kathy despite every moment coursing through me of how badly I wanted everything she had…with you.”</p>
<p>                “It should have been a choice I had an option to make,” Elliot’s glance befell on the pattered details on the rooftop, on the bounce of hail and sleet mixture as it smacked and angled in another direction. “I just want to know why?”</p>
<p>                “I don’t want to fight with you,” Olivia was exasperated and splitting at the seams as he prodded deeper for answers. “it isn’t easy and I don’t know that it will be.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t want that, either,” Elliot’s psyche was toeing the ledge, staring at the street below, and the only hand he felt was Olivia’s, tugging at the resistance to pull him back. “I can’t think of a reason, other than guilt, and you had no obligation for feeling any of that. That was all on me and was always on me.”</p>
<p>                “Other than knowing how easy it would have been for you to walk away and leave me in shambles the second you realized you still had a family to think of,” Olivia swallowed hard and sliced the proverbial knife across the wound, letting it bleed all over again as she eclipsed the distance to renew her burning gaze. “Plus, I didn’t want you to be another to add to the growing list of people who leave me.”</p>
<p>                “I wouldn’t have,” Elliot’s voice was harsher than intended but his heart poured out as he stared at her. “You never let me prove I wouldn’t have.”</p>
<p>                Olivia inhaled another breath as the gasp was audible from the tightening in her chest. “You did leave…for years.”</p>
<p>                Elliot wanted to throttle Olivia but he couldn’t exactly refute the truth. He did leave. He ran from the truth and her in equal measure, as though facing her would’ve caused the greatest lie to come crumbling down around him. Olivia Benson wasn’t just a partner; she was the reason for air in his lungs. Kathy hadn’t been that for a long time and the growing rift in their marriage was proof of it before the house of cards came crashing down. Escaping inevitability saved him from facing a truth he hadn’t figured out how to tackle but there was too much living in his mind what he truly had left behind.</p>
<p>                His partner; his best friend. The woman who never asked for more than he could give.</p>
<p>                “I’ll spend every moment of my life begging you for forgiveness,” Elliot couldn’t come up with any other words as Olivia’s bottom lip trembled and her eyes observed the curvature of his chin. “You’re far away.”</p>
<p>                “You know I wouldn’t have destroyed your life and I always imagined telling you how I felt as though I was setting fire to what you were trying to save. I didn’t want that for you,” Olivia didn’t want to sob this time as she sucked another breath between her teeth and pushed her tongue against her cheek, grasping at strength. “I didn’t want it for me. That isn’t what a partner does and I wouldn’t have forgiven myself.”</p>
<p>                “What <em>do</em> you want?” Elliot held a breath and watched a tear fall, catching it with the bend of his index as it reached the curve of her cheek, hesitating to re-establish a physical connection.</p>
<p>                Olivia knew it was simple. She’d already said it in few words and so many, at the same time, but there was an uncertain part of Elliot that was hanging by thread waiting for it. They’d both been broken and been poorly put back together with parts turned sideways, upside down, or absent. Her lip trembled and his nostrils flared while the steam came from their mouths with the absence of breath, with the exhale that almost didn’t come. Everything ached and Olivia was barely standing but neither was Elliot.</p>
<p>                “You,” Olivia let her eyes track the color of his tie, concentrating on the weaved design as it wrapped within itself in a continuous loop. “…always have.”</p>
<p>                Elliot held a breath and her hand simultaneously, letting go of the last of his misgivings as he found the light in Olivia’s eyes, pulling him in like they always had. “We both knew that none of this was going to be easy but I’m here now and telling you that I need you might’ve been fear-inducing but you’re worth it…”</p>
<p>                “Captain, I’m sorry to interrupt but we’ve got a problem,” Amanda knew where Olivia liked to disappear to and never expected that she wouldn’t be alone as she leaned against the doorframe with a hint of a sheepish expression on her face.</p>
<p>                Olivia groaned as the conscience-stricken thoughts worked her over even as she barely stepped away from the unapologetic touch of her former partner’s to make eye contact with Amanda. “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>                “Matthew Collins is being booked and we have enough to run DNA, corroborate Barbara’s story, and establish Carisi’s case,” Amanda pressed her lips together and tilted her head to the side as the continued remorse flowed over interrupting an intimate moment. “I knew you’d want to know.”</p>
<p>                “We’ll beat the clock on the arraignment even with the lack of enthusiasm by judge Daniels,” Olivia’s relief outweighed the lingering upheaval still sinking into her soul as she wiped an errant tear and cleared her throat. “You came up here to tell me that?”</p>
<p>                “Well…” Amanda scrunched her nose and diverted her attention to the door handle as she tapped her fingernails across the brass, knowing that the words sounded bad before she could utter them. “Barbara nearly ruined the case and Elora had to put out the fire with a little quick thinking, brawn, and a body block.”</p>
<p>                “Already testing the limits of her metal?” Elliot knew that kind of fire and it resided in himself as well as the woman that had been hiding her tears since Amanda had arrived.</p>
<p>                “Not the time for coincidental comparisons, El,” Olivia hid a smirk and cradled her chin with her thumb and index as she collected her thoughts as she looked at Amanda, somewhat clinically. “No injuries or easily misinterpreted incidents that I need to report to Garland, correct?”</p>
<p>                “Not at all,” Amanda took a step back as Olivia was already nearing the stairwell doorway, a tiny smirk on her face. “I’m sure Garland is going to crawl up all of our asses for the collective <em>screw you</em> over the incident with her old colleague from the one-three.”</p>
<p>                “Oh, yeah, that,” Olivia passed through the doorway, smothering a chuckle as she adjusted the buttons on her coat and flipped the cover on the tablet across the screen. “When he manages to get me to answer his calls or texts, I’m sure he’ll get an answer about why no one saw anything.”</p>
<p>                Elliot brought up the rear, his grin undeniable as he followed Olivia down the stairs, reflecting on what he’d always know. “Did someone forget to pass around the memo that messing with detectives at Special Victims is a gamble that one rarely wins?”</p>
<p>                “Speaking of losing,” Olivia pressed her lips together and tilted her head to the side as she made eye contact with Elliot somewhat briefly. “After this case, I’ll need reminding to have a face-to-face with a lieutenant that might want to know just how unwelcome his goons are in my squad room. What did or didn’t take place won’t happen again if he just teaches his crew to respect boundaries.”</p>
<p>                Amanda gripped the railing and exhaled over her boss’s not-so-empty threat as she took another step. “This is going to be a very long night.”</p>
<p>               </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Who needs the dark ambience</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Of the night</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When nightmares can collapse you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In broad daylight?</em>
</p>
<p>-Kaulab Basu</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wednesday, November 13th, 7:45 AM</p>
<p>One Police Plaza – Main Level</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Elora hadn’t slept but she was, at the least, standing against all odds with two cups of coffee as she meandered in Carisi’s direction, hair swaying across her shoulders. It was a peace offering of sorts, after the mess they’d all endured leading up to this point. She knew that she had caused a lot of it and burned precious time. Carisi rolled his eyes and accepted the lidded cup, immediately consuming a considerable gulp before glancing at his watch. They still had a couple of minutes before they had to put on their game faces. Elora wondered, though, if she’d ever get used to the inside of a courthouse or the bustle of proceedings.</p>
<p>                They all seemed to hold too many loaded memories that were inescapable and troubling.</p>
<p>                “Is it going to be just you?” Carisi peered over the lid as he went back for another drink, blowing steam through the vent of the cup as he exhaled. “Or is the party arriving fashionably late this morning?”</p>
<p>                Elora pressed her lips together before flashing a quick smile, following him down the hall. “Kat is getting a break and Liv is doing the same. Sarge has Amanda working on paperwork before anyone can go asking for it…so you’re just stuck with me.”</p>
<p>                “At least there’ll be a lot more people to keep Peirce and Matthew away from Barbara,” Carisi looked at the closed doors before them, the frosted glass concealing the empty courtroom inside as the echo of footfalls bounced along the corridor behind them. “I already spoke to her this morning; she’ll be here in ten minutes. I’m just hoping she’s ready because this isn’t going to be easy.”</p>
<p>                “Is it ever, though?” Elora’s question was riddled with experience and personalization as her backside found the bench, the discomfort setting in. “The one thing that no one truly prepares you for is the time that passes and the number of hours that build while every aspect of your life is dissected, exposed, and scrutinized while a room full of people stare at you.”</p>
<p>                Carisi popped the lid off the cup and tossed it into the trash while he stayed standing at the other end of the bench, just a few feet away, studying the awkward posture by Elora. “That sounds more like it’s coming from your arsenal of wisdom than any on-the-job training you’ve had over the years, Elle.”</p>
<p>                Elora wouldn’t have previously dreamed of confessing her insight into circumstances such as those but the endurance of suffering had her confronting a whole new set of demons. It was nightmarish and yet, a test of her intestinal fortitude. Carisi was no different than Rollins, though, Elora had decided. This wasn’t the same as tolerating the endless barrage of bullying at the one-three. Special Victims was different and they’d need more than her insight…they’d want her unique history to build more than sympathy with victims.</p>
<p>                Empathy, trust, and personal contention meant a whole lot more in a city brewing with its fair share of terror.</p>
<p>                “Something like that,” Elora didn’t need to tear the seal off of the canister of her secrets for everyone and it wasn’t the right time as Carisi settled against the squeaky seat next to her. “One day I’ll tell you about it…just not today.”</p>
<p>                “That sounds ominous,” Carisi downed the rest of his coffee, tossed the empty vessel, and elevated his sleeve to spy the time with a heavy sigh, the weight of the case already pushing down on his shoulders. “It isn’t like you’re not surrounded by people daily that wouldn’t understand implicitly what you’ve gone through…I hope you realize that.”</p>
<p>                “I do, but letting go of my disbelief in my colleagues is proving to be trickier than I’d anticipated,” Elora elevated her chin just as a well-dressed yet shaky Barbara finished the final ascent, heels tapping the top of the stairs with Julia flanking her. “At least that is a good sign.”</p>
<p>                “Good morning,” Carisi stood and put on his best smile for the pair while Elora smoothed out her blouse, hair, and slacks as she joined him just a pace behind. “Barbara, Julia, I’m Dominick Carisi, I’ll be handling the prosecution side for the case against Matthew and Peirce. I know this isn’t the instance that we wanted to meet formally but, this is just the first step for a trial, okay?”</p>
<p>                Elora was prepping to sign as all the color went out of Barbara’s face from the reality setting in, speaking the words as her hands moved with each corresponding word, letter, and phrase to match. “I will be in there every step of the way. It will be easier if you are wearing your hearing aid. Did you bring it?”</p>
<p>                Barbara forced a weak smile, nodded, and pulled the oddly shaped device from her purse, wiggling it at Elora before signing <em>I’m scared </em>and<em> I don’t know if I can do this </em>with certain pointedness.</p>
<p>                “What did she just sign?” Carisi shifted his weight as the bailiff propped open the first door, clicking it into place as the courtroom was finally prepared for them.</p>
<p>                “Oh my God, you’re a yutz,” Elora rolled her eyes and jabbed her elbow into his side, coaxing a healthy grunt from him in the process. “She can read lips. She doesn’t know if she can do this…she’s afraid.”</p>
<p>                “Gonna abuse me before I can stand up in front of the judge? I thought we were friends,” Carisi grunted and ushered everyone into the courtroom, shaking his head in the direction of the empty judge’s bench, addressing Barbara directly as he backed toward the attorney table to the right. “I will be right here and you will not have to speak today. This is just to present you as a complainant and establish the charges against both of them.”</p>
<p>                Barbara had already clammed up, the nerves were undeniable as she sat near to front with Julia. Elora was just behind Carisi, acting as a buffer between Barbara, the defense bench, and a tower of unknowns that she’d never faced before. Elora had, though, and the butterflies were already swirling around in her gut as she glanced at both defense attorneys as they began to confer. Carisi nudged Elora, pulling her back from the ledge just enough to coax a nod from the unusually reserved Detective. He needed her sharp today. He needed her willing to snap fingers behind his head. He needed to know he wasn’t going to stand before Judge Daniels completely alone to hang himself.</p>
<p>                “I knew this was going to be bad but I didn’t realize it would be this bad,” Carisi leaned against the divider, whispering in Elora’s direction as Wesley Donnell was flanked by the smarmy, self-righteous Oliver Foster. “Matthew must’ve opted for his own representation this morning and managed to pull Foster…which means that Peirce is probably promising to pay for it.”</p>
<p>                “Foster has only had five of his last twenty face time,” Elora was a little shocked but she didn’t want to show it as the defense team was already on approach toward Carisi, little smirks on their faces as though they knew something he didn’t. “Heads up.”</p>
<p>                “<em>Rookie</em>,” Oliver Foster had one of those voices that drew every hair on the back of Elora’s neck toward the ceiling and invited the goosebumps to follow even before he glanced at her, with fresh disdain. “What, did Captain Benson decide to send you to your death with another rookie at your side? Seems a little counterproductive when you have two, rather big dogs ready to take a chunk out of your neck.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t underestimate <em>that</em> one,” Wesley was already caught in Elora’s crosshairs as her stare narrowed and her posture went rigid despite the smile written on her lips. “That one <em>bites</em>.”</p>
<p>                “Detective Caruso isn’t a rookie and Wes is already acquainted, Oliver,” Carisi was a little proud of the hint of fear in Wesley’s voice as he gestured toward Elora, introducing her properly to the egotistical defense attorney. “Oliver Foster, this is Detective Elora Caruso and she is Special Victims newest asset but she has nearly nine years with the NYPD.”</p>
<p>                “Ah, so Benson got smart and started swiping Detectives from other precincts? That’s a wise move instead of breaking in her cannon fodder,” Oliver winked at Elora, eliciting an uncomfortable fidget in the process, and continued with the attempt at Carisi’s jugular. “You know you don’t have a case, right?”</p>
<p>                “DNA, testimony, and a rape kit,” Carisi scoffed, unsurprised by the bold move to attempt plea bargaining before the judge even entered the room on preparatory arraignment. “Your client and Wesley’s client have no legs to stand on. I’m not backing down from first-degree rape charges on both of them. Their victim deserves justice.”</p>
<p>                “Third-degree rape, accessory in the second, maximum sentence of one year with two years of probation with mandatory therapy for Matthew. He is a weak, easily manipulated follower,” Oliver squinted and glanced at Wesley, who was chomping at the bit to speak.   “No history of assault…you know the judge is never going to go for your argument.”</p>
<p>                “Peirce is guilty of second-degree rape, at best, and you know it,” Wesley could already feel the heat from the glare as Elora adjusted her posture to block Barbara’s ability to read their lips. “Two to seven…five years of therapy guided probation. You know the judge is never going to go for anything higher.”</p>
<p>                “Admirable attempt at the early bargain you need a lot more than telling me a lack of history is going to override premeditation and careful planning of an event,” Carisi shook his head fervently, raising his voice just enough to capture the attention of the bailiff as he opened the side door to let in the judge.</p>
<p>                “It’s your funeral, Carisi,” Oliver wasn’t looking at Carisi as he said it, though, opting to leer at Elora while disgust took over her features before he moved to the left side of the room.</p>
<p>                “He doesn’t have a point, does he?” Elora was in Carisi’s personal space, the concern bleeding through while judge Daniels was prepping to take his seat. “You’re not going to give in, right?”</p>
<p>                “I might not have a choice on Matthew but you let me worry about that,” Carisi glanced at Barbara as her faraway glance was becoming increasingly troublesome to his psyche, her fingers clutching Julia’s at her side. “I need you to worry about <em>them</em>.”</p>
<p>                “Mister Carisi, I trust that you’re done with your chitchat so I can get started on this discussion of bail or any early plea bargains to be considered?” Judge Edward Daniels was not the eldest of the seat holders but he was, certainly, one of the less interested in wasting time as he narrowed his eyes in the direction of the budding ADA.</p>
<p>                “Yes, Sir,” Carisi could feel the narrowing looks from the defendants and their counsel as he stood his ground, maintaining eye contact with the judge. “The District Attorney’s office is prepared to begin and enter into establishing arguments against both Mr. Evans and Mr. Collins of rape in the first degree, sexual assault in the first, to be assessed consecutively.”</p>
<p>                “On what grounds?” Judge Daniels was already pilfering through the exhibits of information in front of him, lifting his chin for only a moment to furrow his brows at Carisi. “You didn’t have a warrant to obtain any of this information…”</p>
<p>                “Legally volunteered and obtained, no warrant necessary,” Carisi set up his paperwork, moving the reports across the table. “Crime scene investigation collected multiple items belonging to Mr. Evans and the footage from the bar along with matching sequential data from a plastic cup corroborates the DNA evidence from the rape kit for Mr. Collins.”</p>
<p>                “Mr. Collins was misled by SVU Detectives into giving up that sample, Judge,” Oliver couldn’t wait to open his mouth and the comment caused such a stir that no one even noticed the door to the hallway opening at the back. “I’m proposing a pre-trial motion to strike it as usable evidence and would like the judge to consider reducing the charges against him in light of the revocation of that cup to be second-degree accessory and third-degree rape.”</p>
<p>                “You’re asking me to consider a maximum sentence for your client of seven years, collectively?” Judge Daniels tipped the rim of his glasses down and wetted his lips as he moved his eyes between both benches.</p>
<p>                “Judge Daniels, both of these men patiently watched, methodically planned, and executed a systematic abuse of power over an incapacitated woman before leaving her unconscious in a locked park,” Carisi was incensed, his volume slowly elevating even as Elora turned her head toward the back of the room, toward the open door.</p>
<p>                “Elora,” Olivia’s voice was soft but had captured her attention just enough from the back along with a tilt of her head. “Don’t let him go soft on the charges…”</p>
<p>                Elora didn’t speak, she simply tugged the back of Carisi’s jacket enough to capture his gaze while directing her index across her collar, indicating the back of the room. The confusion was undeniable but his line of sight carried and hovered as Elora moved toward her Captain just outside the door. It was a little outlandish and irregular but the importance was etched across Olivia’s face as she stepped just outside the double doors. The sound of the impending argument carried, pushing Elora to her limit as she swallowed hard and steadied herself just enough to listen. It had become apparent, though, as her eyes focused and more than just Olivia’s were looking back at her.</p>
<p>                “Oh, my God,” Elora palmed her mouth and the air went out of her lungs as she looked at them, counting them as she scanned. “How many are there?”</p>
<p>                Olivia exhaled, nodding gently as her voice stayed low. “<em>Ten</em>.”</p>
<p>                Elora didn’t have to ask what to do as they slowly pushed the doors open, leading each woman into the courtroom one after the other. The effect gave the defense attorneys and their clients whiplash while Carisi kept a hint of a smile on his face. He had put the pieces of that puzzle together even if he had not fathomed the extent of it. Barbara turned her head and watched the row fill up behind her, the solidarity and support both overwhelming her and touching the parts of her heart that she thought had gone cold. They all shared so much more than trauma. They shared so much more than hatred of two men.</p>
<p>                They shared strength.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There’s one more chapter coming. I know this was meant to be a 9 part case but this…took a ride and a journey as it had its ebbs and flows.</p>
<p>To Cate and Aubrey, thank you for peeking at pieces of this and keeping me on the right path. It helped me to believe in this story.</p>
<p>Quotes by:<br/>Perry<br/>Erin Van Vuren<br/>Kaulab Basu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Secrets & Lies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After ten prior victims enter the fray, the careful game to battle the clock of over the statute of limitations begins on half of them as a Captain witnesses one of her own suppress more than demons…leading to the near-collapse that could wreck the team before it has a chance to fully form.</p>
<p>“The truth may hurt for a little while, but a lie hurts forever.” -Unknown</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lie2 /lī/<br/>noun - noun: lie; plural noun: lies<br/>1.	an intentionally false statement.<br/>"the whole thing is a pack of lies"<br/>Similar: fiction, departure from the truth, perjury<br/>o	used with reference to a situation involving deception or founded on a mistaken impression.</p>
<p>Warning: Chapters may contain descriptions of violence and graphic sexual assault (visual and descriptions); depictions are not meant to trigger or otherwise damage readers. Proceed with caution.<br/>Need Help? Call 800.656.HOPE(4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. How does it work? When you call, you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>That was how dishonesty and betrayal started,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Not in big lies</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But in small secrets.</em>
</p>
<p>-Amy Tan</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                Judge Daniels was beyond his limit. The barrage of women stacked behind the prosecution’s bench, behind Carisi, and the whispering began on the defense side of the room. It was fueled by shock, disgust, and anger before a word could even be fully spoken. They weren’t there just as a support system for Barbara; they were there to pull the final link from beneath Peirce Evans and Matthew Collins, sending them crashing to the floor. It was only a matter of time before their petulant stares, marred by contempt, were joined with the pent-up scrutiny they sought to lend to Carisi’s aid.</p>
<p>                Evans and Collins were simply on borrowed time.</p>
<p>                “Does this <em>dog and pony</em> show have a point, Mister Carisi, or did you just decide that today was the day you needed an audience for a little <em>grandstanding</em>?” Daniels rubbed the bridge of his nose before staring him down, like a disapproving, keyed-up parent just inside the door after curfew.</p>
<p>                Carisi and Olivia had already been conveying the details with a simple glance but the passing of a note did the trick as he glanced at the chicken scratch scrawl while clearing his throat. “Your honor, new evidence has been brought to my attention of the presence of multiple counts of rape, sodomy, and forcible penetration by both defendants going back beyond the statute of limitations—”</p>
<p>                “Let me guess, you’re going to want a short break to collect your thoughts and submit their names into the pretrial proceedings?” Judge Daniels elevated his hand as he saw Oliver and Wesley fidgeting uncontrollably at their table, their mouths already half-open to sputter a frustrated wail.</p>
<p>                “Twenty minutes, your honor?” Carisi was going for broke but he knew that was going to get cut in half as he gathered the papers in front of him.</p>
<p>                “I’ll give you ten and you two had better come up with a modified witness list while you’re at it,” Judge Daniels had his gavel in hand, shook it at Wesley and Olivier, and soundly banged it against the wood before getting up.</p>
<p>                Carisi waited until Daniels was out of sight and the defense team had been removed before opening his mouth, his attention on Olivia as he turned around with shock written on his face. “You know how to set a room on fire when you’re making an entrance, don’t you?”</p>
<p>                “So much for your little break?” Elora chastised her boss just a touch and watched the blush form as she shifted her weight from left to right.</p>
<p>                “Some things are better when they are paused for a little while. However, a phone call wasn’t going to do any good. Your cell phones should be on silent or off,” Olivia shrugged and glanced back at the row of quiet, contemplative women behind her before continuing. “No one wanted to bring me in but they just kept coming and Fin couldn’t let the opportunity slip through all of our fingers.</p>
<p>                “Well, I suppose a <em>thank you</em> will be necessary for putting your little break on pause,” Elora pushed another button and earned a groan from Olivia as Carisi was doing anything but listening. “That must’ve been tough.”</p>
<p>                “You’re worse than Fin and we are not discussing this,” Olivia squinted at her, aiming the edge of her cell phone directly at Elora’s face to drive the point home. “The important thing is that I’m here and we’ll be able to convey to Judge Daniels that they’ve all been through hell.”</p>
<p>                “How did they find out?” Elora crossed her arms, hugging the material of her cardigan close as she could hear them gently comforting Barbara. “This is a lot to process and it could alter a lot more than the pretrial hearings, right?”</p>
<p>                “Matthew was shouting a little too loudly about it after Peirce got arrested, apparently, and they all started to put the pieces together themselves,” Olivia turned her head and sighed softly as the reality of it started to kick in. “They started showing up, one after the other this morning. I’ve seen plenty of current and post-trial testimonials come out of the woodwork but nothing quite like this.”</p>
<p>                “No chance of contamination, right?” Carisi was already concerned as they were sitting there huddled together like incomplete, broken dolls with eyes moving between each other, quietly understanding the moment. “You know how it looks; I know how it looks….”</p>
<p>                “Everyone knows how it could look, Carisi, but they were sequestered until we got here,” Olivia nodded, still taken aback by their numbers. “We can’t even charge them for five of them. They are witness testimony only for history.”</p>
<p>                “Those two pricks are going to claim they discussed this together,” Elora lowered her voice and almost spat over the idea as she gritted her teeth, composing herself a little more. “Too much wiggle room.”</p>
<p>                “I might have a solution for that and it involves a little game of musical chairs for continuity,” Carisi shrugged his shoulders and glanced over at the bailiff as he shifted at the side door, a smile on his face as he started in that direction. “Mack, I need a favor…”</p>
<p>                “How are you handling all of this?” Olivia couldn’t help but touch the nerve as she was left partially secluded with Elora, who mentally far away as her eyes drifted over the detailed edges of the witness stand. “I know how this could spur some unpleasant memories and if you need anything, you know you can tell me, right?”</p>
<p>                “It isn’t the memories that are the issue. It’s not knowing when the instinct to run for the door are going to kick in and I didn’t handle myself so well when I had to sit on the witness stand as a teenager,” Elora rubbed her lips together and ran a couple of fingers through her hair, the shakiness working its way through her fingers as she trembled outwardly. “I want to be strong and I know that I’ve had to testify before but not for a case like this.”</p>
<p>                “I’m going to continue with that broken record until you recognize it, Elora,” Oliva squeezed Elora’s shoulder and inhaled a sharp, necessary breath as her demons came back to haunt her at the most inopportune time. “You’re not alone in this and we have all been there in some capacity—you may be sitting there being questioned with no one right next to you but you have a team that has your back, always.”</p>
<p>                 “You shouldn’t be giving that pep talk to me,” Elora smiled and turned her head just as both defense attorneys were making their way back into the courtroom, looking like the cats that ate the canaries. “They look entirely too smug for my liking.”</p>
<p>                “Yeah, there’s something off about their body language,” Olivia was shifting toward the first row of benches, scrutinizing the enigmatic set of details that surrounded them as Carisi came back with another set of documents, giving her no time to alert him of the change.</p>
<p>                Judge Daniels was already preparing to return and the prosecution side was on high alert while their opposition seemed unusually relaxed. It was disconcerting and uncomfortable even as Elora took a seat next to Olivia, tearing her eyes away from the wayward stare of Peirce Evans as he was brought back into the room. Daniels didn’t look interested in formalities as he took his seat and perused the list presented by Carisi, clearing his throat as the vastness of the charges were taking shape. It was complicated before he even passed the first three names, let alone got to the last.</p>
<p>                “Counselor, you have a modified list of witnesses, including five that you are requesting to be adjudicated against the formal charges,” Daniels was clinical as he read them out like stereo instructions, narrowing his stare at Carisi between lines and inhales. “Consecutive charges?”</p>
<p>                Carisi’s confidence outweighed the changing climate in the room as he barely noticed Olivia and Elora’s mutual apprehension was growing. “Your Honor, it is warranted in this case, given the length of time that both defendants have been committing these crimes, meticulously and methodically robbing every one of their victims of dignity, time, and safety.”</p>
<p>                “Save it for the jury, Carisi,” Judge Daniels was at the end of his rope and the defense attorneys were the cause of his troubles as he looked toward them, expectantly. “Gentlemen, the longer you stare at me from across the room without giving me your modified witness list, the less patience I will have. The State has given their list freely and promptly while you two seem to be sitting on yours…”</p>
<p>                “Pardon me, your Honor, but the defense has a prepared list contingent on a hearing with one of the detectives that interviewed Mr. Evans before his arrest,” Wesley glanced in Elora’s direction, giving away his intention as he handed both sets of documents to Mack upon approach. “We’d like Detective Caruso’s tactics conducted during interrogation to be examined for validity.”</p>
<p>                “On what grounds exactly?” Judge Daniels was less than apt to listen but it was protocol as he raised the question.</p>
<p>                “Your Honor,” Oliver didn’t hold back as he went for Elora’s jugular, ripping into details that couldn’t have been known without digging. “It is reasonable to question intent with both defendants with consideration to her history.”</p>
<p>                The words sliced into Elora and Olivia’s unmistakable, concerned grip against her wrist was precursory and defensive as she pressed and held her fingers along the pulse point. Elora held a breath and made eye contact with her boss as a ringing in her ears joined the pulsing of her rising blood pressure. Elora looked up, at Judge Daniels, watching his mouth move but couldn’t hear the words over the high-pitched squeal swirling in her ears. She wanted to pass out. She could already feel the vomit rising into her throat as she gripped the barrier in front of her for stability.</p>
<p>                “Detective Caruso?” Judge Daniels had said her name at least three times, snapping her back to reality with a thud. “I’m going to need to have you sworn in for this. It’s just a question and answer and Mister Carisi will be able to offer questions to redirect. Understand?”</p>
<p>                “Yes, your Honor,” Elora wanted to scream that she didn’t but as she nodded in Olivia’s direction, she no longer felt as though she was within her own body even while moving past Carisi, lingering long enough to lower her voice in his direction. “Don’t let them crucify me.”</p>
<p>               </p>
<p>               </p>
<p>
  <em>Hell to the liars</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Here’s to you and me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hell to the best of us</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Here’s to you and me</em>
</p>
<p>-Daniel Harry Joseph Rothman, Dominic Ashley Ronald Major,</p>
<p>&amp; Hannah Felicity May Reid</p>
<p> </p>
<p>20 Minutes Later</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                The questions were pointless. Wesley and Oliver had taken turns bringing up the number of years Elora had been in the NYPD and contested her conviction against the time with Special Victims. She held her own, maintaining eye contact with Olivia or Carisi when she could. It was anything not to look directly at Matthew or Peirce as they were seated quietly at the defense table. She found herself heaving a heavy sigh of relief after Barbara, Julia, and the other women had been led away to be debriefed and sequestered. Elora’s session, while not part of the trial sequence, was establishing whether or not her tactics warranted an arrest.</p>
<p>                It would also, by default, question the validity of Matthew’s.</p>
<p>                “I know this line of questioning can be uncomfortable, Detective, but you did open the gate when you began your face-to-face sessions with my client in an overtly sexual, blatantly suggestive manner,” Wesley was toeing the line but he pushed the envelope a little further as he stood directly in front of her, blocking her line of sight with Carisi and Olivia. “Would it be reasonable to assume that you did so to gain more than his confession?”</p>
<p>                “The question intimates that I was doing more than my job, counselor, and I can assure you that I was just doing my job,” Elora remained steadfast, blinking slowly and carefully as she remembered to exhale. “Provocation is standard practice.”</p>
<p>                “That might be so, but, while you were interrogating my client, you were purposely antagonizing his confession,” Wesley paced the floor in front of the Judge’s bench, studying the way that Elora moved behind the witness stand as she straightened her spine and fidgeted a little more. “You called him impotent, purposely left photographs of one of the victims in front of him, and continuously enticed his interest, appealing to instability after several hours of interrogation. Wouldn’t you consider that reckless and against NYPD policy?”</p>
<p>                “It’s a basic interrogation tactic, counselor,” Elora gritted her teeth and swallowed hard as she unconsciously dug her fingers around the loose material of her pants just above her knees. “Your client was easy to persuade and anger enough that he assaulted a police officer. He is lucky that I didn’t request further action be taken.”</p>
<p>                “Asking a rape suspect if he likes to be watched is an interrogation tactic?” Oliver took over, smirking at Elora as though he had just snagged a hook in her and was prepared to reel her in. “Really, Detective?”</p>
<p>                “Oh, please, that is out of context,” Elora scoffed and crossed her arms, finding some of that confidence that had begun to suffer at the hands of their questions. “Giving Mr. Evans the option to go back to the precinct instead of having his entire office witness his conversation is not asking him if he enjoys voyeurism.”</p>
<p>                “Do all assault victims assert themselves as intensely as you do?” Oliver shouldn’t have had the information but he did.</p>
<p>                “Your Honor, this is absurd!” Carisi didn’t waste time and didn’t wait to see Elora’s panic rising to lean across the table, frustrated with the question. “Since when did we start victimizing an NYPD Detective not on trial?”</p>
<p>                “The line of question serves to prove that Detective Caruso has a distinct bias against my client and Mr. Donnell’s client because she is, herself, a previous victim of assault,” Oliver was proud of himself and the damage was already done as Elora had silent tears streaking down her cheeks despite all efforts to hold back. “Male hating is a direct symptom.”</p>
<p>                “Enough, counselor!” Judge Daniels turned his attention to the mousy dishwater-blonde seated at a small table, typing away at her stenotype machine. “Strike that entire section from your records, Lillian.”</p>
<p>                “I’d like to redirect the line of questioning, your Honor?” Carisi needed to pull Elora back and the path of wet tears down her face was doing nothing to help with that even as he got out from behind the table.</p>
<p>                “Tread lightly,” Judge Daniels dropped an ink pen and rubbed his eyes, thoroughly done with the state of a courtroom that didn’t need escalation yet. “I’ll reiterate, though, for all of you, that this is just a cursory question and answer. We are not here to character assassinate anyone.”</p>
<p>                “Absolutely not, your Honor,” Carisi had no intention of furthering the attempt to dismantle Elora’s character as he approached the edge of the witness stand, coiling his fingers around the trim, looking her in the eye. “Detective Caruso, with your credentials, you could’ve transferred into nearly any precinct but you agreed on the 16th...on Special Victims. What made you prepared to take on the challenge knowing what it might mean day in, and day out?”</p>
<p>                Elora felt the question ruminating like it was the only thing she needed to answer to solve every problem in her life as the air finally went into her lungs and circulated. “Unique insight into the psyche of victimology and advocacy. Training can only take someone so far and personalization, empathy, and understanding hold weight. It isn’t just about justice…it’s about restoring faith in the human condition.”</p>
<p>                Carisi nodded and hid the smile as her strength radiated while he followed it up with a simple question. “Have you ever received disciplinary action or reprimand for protocols or procedures in interrogations?”</p>
<p>                “Not one,” Elora was succinct and direct while Carisi moved in the direction of the table.</p>
<p>                “Counselors, I don’t think there’s a need for any further questions for Detective Caruso,” Judge Daniels stroked his chin and gathered the paperwork in front of him while reaching for his gavel. “There will be no reason to remove testimony and we will resume pretrial hearings at two, please prepare for any additional testimony requests by that time.”</p>
<p>                The banging of the gavel was a relief but had Elora’s fight or flight response kicking in as she escaped from the witness seat, making a beeline for the door. She left Carisi reeling and Olivia moving with a certain purpose, intent on following. Elora disappeared into the hall and found herself face-to-face with an empty alcove near a corner, where she crumbled against the marble. At that moment, she didn’t care if anyone could see her sobbing. The hardened exterior she’d constructed, the fake façade she put on, crumbled in an instant and her palms muffled the sound.</p>
<p>                “Liv, should we go after her?” Carisi was caught between a rock and a hard place as he followed Olivia into the main hall. “She needs to know that she handled that with more grace and composure than I would have.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t think she grasps that just yet. Let me go after her. I think you might need to sit this one out,” Olivia shook her head and continued in the direction that Elora had gone, listening for the sobs until she found her hugging her knees like a traumatized teenager. “Elora?”</p>
<p>                “I’m so sorry, Liv,” Elora barely moved, stopping just long enough to wipe the tears on her sleeve and pull her knees even closer, the hip badge shimmering as her cardigan shifted away from her side. “I will understand if I am too much of a risk to have with the team. I am a liability. I almost put the entire case in jeopardy and if I had, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”</p>
<p>                “Hey, hey, hey,” Olivia pulled Elora out of the cocoon-like posture and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, soothing away some of the sadness in any way that she could. “When your file came across my desk I knew that I was about to have a new team member that might turn a few things upside-down but in the best way possible. There’s a reason you’re good at this job, Elora. You know what it’s like because you’ve lived it.”</p>
<p>                “Living it has instilled so much more than an inherent sense of understanding for what they’ve been through. It makes me weak,” Elora picked the wrong combination of words as she held in a breath, willing the tears to stop. “I could destroy everything you’ve built.”</p>
<p>                “Your only weakness is thinking your trauma would ever make you anything less than strong,” Olivia tucked Elora’s hair behind her ears and wiped the running mascara and eyeliner from beneath her eyes. “I’m not broken because of mine…and neither are you.”</p>
<p>                Elora blinked and found a glimmer of pain behind Olivia’s eyes, recognizing it as something not unlike her own set of nightmarish recollections. The scope of Olivia’s admission was not to inflict more guilt on Elora as the words settled against her consciousness and flooded through her mind. The endless loop of trauma and the web it weaved became clearer as Olivia nodded at Elora’s slightly agape mouth. There was no necessity to question it or utter it out loud.</p>
<p>                Elora just knew and Olivia quietly confirmed it with a slow blink and that soft, empathetic expression she wore so comfortably.</p>
<p>                Olivia, despite the look on her face, disarmed Elora and asked only one question after wiping another stray tear. “Do you understand?”</p>
<p>                Elora nodded, exhaling through her nostrils, unable to look away from Olivia’s intense, determined stare. “Yes, yes I do.”</p>
<p>                “That’s good,” Olivia stood and held out her hand, offering more than assistance as she tilted her head just a touch and smiled. “We have work to do.”</p>
<p>               </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Behind the most beautiful eyes,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lay secrets deeper and darker</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Than the mysterious sea.</em>
</p>
<p>-YLD</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thursday, November 14th, 10:00 PM</p>
<p>140 West 55<sup>th</sup> St #15, New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                “Okay, pea pods, you know the drill. Mara is out on a date, so you’re stuck with me tonight,” Elora peeped her phone, at the lack of text messages, and let out a sigh as she gave Adeline and Elizabeth a light tap to their rears while they did everything but spit out their toothpaste at the sink. “It’s time for bed.”</p>
<p>                The literal stampede of their small, graceless feet had erased some of the hell Elora had been facing but also reminded her of the kind that lay ahead. She had no idea what the future held. The transfer to Special Victims had already been a difficult transition and, as she gathered the toys from the hall, the next obstacle was prepping to wreck another part of her psyche. Elora was barely making it as a detective and she was staring at the reality of being a mother for two, little girls who were more than a handful. They were perfect but, also, so much like their parents.</p>
<p>                Elora knew she had her work cut out for her even as both of them climbed into bed, continuing with the giggling, groans, and grunts that accompanied the action.</p>
<p>                They were dramatic, to say the very least.</p>
<p>                “When is Daddy coming back, Elle?” Adeline was fussing with her pajamas as usual as Elora pulled the covers back on the top bunk, snapping her fingers to get her to move.</p>
<p>                “Baby, I don’t know,” Elora stroked her sweet, cherubic cheeks and tucked her wavy hair behind her ears before swatting her on the butt to send her up the ladder. “I thought you were fine being confined with your Aunty Elle for a while?”</p>
<p>                “I don’t mind,” Elizabeth was a little more keenly aware of the situation as she slid her feet under the covers and held her teddy bear a little tighter. “I like it.”</p>
<p>                Elora had been desperately hiding the urge to cry for days and the look on her eleven-year-old niece’s face wasn’t making it easier as she inhaled a sharp breath. The truth of it was she didn’t know when their dad was coming home and finding their mom would be a game of Russian Roulette that she didn’t feel like playing. They meant everything and they didn’t belong to her. She was already willing to give them the world without knowing how long they could stay. Neither of their parents seemed to understand how lucky they’d gotten it when they ended up with two brilliant little gems. Elora was just having her doubts that she would measure up as a stand-in as she tucked Adeline beneath the coordinated covers.</p>
<p>                “I’m going to do my best to be here for both of you even though my job isn’t always easy to manage,” Elora stood, holding the curve of the ladder while their bright faces studied her, listened carefully, and began to succumb to sleep. “I love you both, very much. It might be just us for a while but we’re going to get through it.”</p>
<p>                “Love you, too, aunty Elle,” Adeline’s yawn made her sound like she was speaking into a conch shell, her tiny fingers coiled around Elora’s for a brief moment before being replaced by a rather dirty doll that needed to be bathed.</p>
<p>                “Do I have to say it?” Elizabeth was apathetic as Elora knelt to place a kiss on her temple, inspiring a wave of sorrow in Elora’s exhausted soul. “I need to be tough.”</p>
<p>                “You don’t have to say it, my brave, stoic girl,” Elora traced the line of her cheeks and gave them a soft squeeze as Adeline’s prominent snore was already humming from above. “You just concentrate on letting me be the tough one.”</p>
<p>                The sweet, overly concerned nod from Elizabeth struck every open nerve as Elora tucked her in and moved toward the door. She flicked the nightlight on and switched the light off, returning the room to a dull glow of dancing starlight. In the stillness, Elora lingered just long enough to allow sleep to lull them away. Life had dealt them an unfair hand and the pieces weren’t falling quite so perfectly into place. Elora pulled the door to a sliver of an opening and felt every part of her heart break as she finally let the tears fall. It had been a long time coming as she meandered down the hall until the disorganized living room came into view.</p>
<p>                “What am I doing?” Elora muttered to herself, panic rising in her belly. “I’m not a fucking parent.”</p>
<p>                Elora paced the floor, reflecting on the mess of her life as the only finished room in the penthouse was the room that the girls were sleeping in. This wasn’t how she’d planned things but this is exactly as they’d turned out. The streaks of mascara darted down her cheeks, mapping little lines as it met the curve of her jaw and jumped off. Elora glanced at her phone, scrolling until the contacts were highlighted over Amanda’s number. Somehow, she knew this might’ve been a terrible decision but she had to try.</p>
<p>                She didn’t know what else to do.</p>
<p>                Amanda picked up after barely a ring, the sounds of a muted toddler’s cries in the background as she answered. “Caruso? Is everything okay?”</p>
<p>                “Everything is just peachy,” Elora was already sobbing, the lie building as she glanced out the window and pushed the button to the display lights, illuminating the entire balcony. “I’m not bothering you, am I?”</p>
<p>                “You know you’re a terrible liar, right?” Amanda didn’t feel like beating around the bush as her partner’s muffled sobs were akin to the kind that she’d done a time or two when she was alone with a newborn. “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>                Elora couldn’t hold in the flood of emotions as she leaned against the sliding door and slid to the floor, crumbling in a heap against the cold, hardwood floor. “I know it’s a lot to ask but I don’t think I can be here with my thoughts and I know you have the girls but everything hit all at once—"</p>
<p>                “My sitter is still here,” Amanda cut her off, the sound of another woman in the background softly talking as the phone began shuffling with a little static. “Can you be calm long enough for me to get there?”</p>
<p>                “Yeah, I think so,” Elora hadn’t hyperventilated in years but she was close to it as the cold glass radiated against her back, sending a chill through her bones as everything hit her at once.</p>
<p>                “I’ll hail a cab and I’ll be right there,” Amanda didn’t wait for any protest as she hung up before Elora could utter another word.</p>
<p>                Elora didn’t know how long it had been before she heard the buzzing of her intercom from across the room. It was just loud enough to hear but not quite enough to wake the girls as she feverishly wiped her tears and gathered herself from the floor. Her fingers pressed against the sliding glass behind her and sent the cold rippling through her before she moved toward the door. Amanda’s voice at the other end didn’t fully register but Elora still hit the center button to let her in and held a breath. Everything had become an endless blur, right down to the turning of the handle to let her partner inside.</p>
<p>                Elora had hidden away every emotion for far too long and they were all ready to blow like a powder keg.</p>
<p>                “Hey,” Elora sniffed the air and forced a weak, distant smile while Amanda crossed the threshold with concern written all over her, weakness in her voice as she pushed the door closed. “I didn’t mean to worry you. I should’ve just sucked it up and dealt with whatever this is.”</p>
<p>                “Jesus, Elle, you look like a fucking wreck,” Amanda’s motherly side was kicking in as her sleeve became a tissue, wiping away the remnants of makeup from Elora’s face, smooshing her cheeks in the process. “I think you need a drink…where’s your wine?”</p>
<p>                “Kitchen, in the cooler under the counter,” Elora still had tears waiting to fall as she meandered toward the couch, picking up scattered clothes and little socks as she moved around toward the coffee table. “I don’t know how to thank you.”</p>
<p>                “I haven’t done anything but show up to make sure you haven’t done anything irrational…or stupid,” Amanda was already busily pouring two glasses as she peered into the living room at Elora as she sank into the plush, overstuffed loveseat and curled her legs underneath of her. “What’s going on with you? We got our guys, we have a trial date set with multiple counts against them, and you seem the opposite of happy about it.”</p>
<p>                “I had to broadcast my sexual assault to help a victim, I have to testify about whether or not my judgment affected interrogation, had a defense attorney call me a man-hating rape victim, my stepbrother has decided to abandon his kids, and I'm a single parent without ever pushing babies from my vagina,” Elora took the glass from Amanda’s outstretched hand as she came into the room and sat on the adjacent couch, the emotions swirling as she inhaled a sharp breath. “...I'm not sure if I’m cut out for this and I’m on a fast-track to being numero uno on Liv’s shit list if I keep pushing everyone’s buttons. I know she says the opposite but I can’t help think otherwise.”</p>
<p>                “Liv would have gotten rid of you the second you slapped Hawkins if she didn’t think you were capable of being a part of this team,” Amanda took a sip and set the glass on the table, her eyes hovering in Elora’s direction as she watched the tears streak down her cheeks. “You have all of us now and this doesn’t have to be a battle you face by yourself, Elle. I know that you probably feel like you have to shoulder all of this without support but you don’t. Trust in your family.”</p>
<p>                “Nine years on the force and Liv just might be the first superior that didn’t set off every challenge function in my body,” Elora’s smile was wide and genuine as she rolled her thumb across the rim of her glass, chuckling despite the emotions flowing through her. “I don’t know how she does it.”</p>
<p>                “Liv is more than a superior and she always has been,” Amanda nodded, chuckling right along with her as she tilted the glass in her hand. “Keeps everyone honest.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t want to disappoint her and there’s so much about my life that I’ve kept close to the vest because I’m scared of the repercussions. Petrified of being disappointing,” Elora hid behind the rim of the glass and stifled a disbelieving chuckle while the word ‘family’ seemed to settle in her heart enough to make it ache. “Trusting in people has caused me a lot of pain, Amanda, to the point that the one person I could have let in was pushed to the outside of my life despite how many times I could’ve just willed myself to give in.”</p>
<p>                “What could be so terrible that you feel like you have to hide it from all of us?” Amanda knew that kind of hurt all too well but it was manifesting so much more intensely for Elora as the sobbing started in all over again as she swallowed a healthy mouthful of wine. “It can’t be that bad.”</p>
<p>                Elora held a breath and nearly downed the contents of her glass, letting the heat of the liquid settle in her belly while she thought carefully about the words. “The father that raised me was my step-father and I never even knew about any other notion of a <em>dad</em> until I was old enough to ask.”</p>
<p>                “Wait, Elora, were you raped <em>and</em> the product of a rape?” Amanda stood and wandered to the kitchen to retrieve the opened bottle of wine after she watched Elora finish all but a drop of it. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”</p>
<p>                “No, oh God, no, nothing like that,” Elora moved her index finger across the cushion, leaving little imprints as the words stalled in her consciousness and nagged at her heart. “My biological doesn’t know who I am and I’m certain my mom would’ve gone to her grave with the knowledge of his identity if I hadn’t bullied her into telling me.”</p>
<p>                “I’d be willing to bet you’d cajole every secret from me in time, less with more of this,” Amanda refilled Elora’s glass and set the bottle on the table before sitting back down, fully immersed in the details as she let them out. “It can’t be any worse than you calling me out after less than a week about Carisi…you owe me something.”</p>
<p>                “I don’t know, this might top any secret you could ever tell and makes me look real fucking dishonest,” Elora laughed into her glass and nodded, sighing softly as she glanced at the ceiling before letting part of her walls come crumbling down around her, the weight of it hitting her like a ton of bricks. “You can’t say a word and I’ll beat your ass if you let it slip.”</p>
<p>                “That’s the way I can tell that you only had a brother,” Amanda nearly choked as the threat hit and made her eyes bulge, the desperation in Elora’s eyes. “Physical harm over a secret? It cannot be that juicy.”</p>
<p>                “I wouldn’t say juicy,” Elora settled in and let out a sigh, as though letting go of the words would be the end of maintaining a wall around her protected life. “I am a second-generation member of Special Victims Unit because of my dad and the reason I’m afraid of saying it out loud is that I don’t want it to seem like I hid it out of malice.”</p>
<p>                “Wait, I don’t know if I’m following you or fully understand…who is he?” Amanda furrowed her eyebrows and reluctantly poured herself another glass of wine over the confusion moving through her brain. “There’s only so many options for current or former members of the squad that could’ve fathered a child now in their thirties.”</p>
<p>                “District Attorney Special Investigator and Special Victim’s previous Sergeant John Munch,” Elora winced and let her shoulders slump at the sound of Amanda’s audible gasp that nearly turned into her choking on another mouthful of wine. “I told you—I’m an asshole and I keep colossal secrets that look more like carefully constructed lies to save my ass.”</p>
<p>                “No, no, no, Elle, it’s not that,” Amanda shook her head and slid forward, the understanding in her voice as she squeezed Elora’s hand for a moment to bring her back to reality. “I didn’t know your dad incredibly well but I don’t know why you’d want to hide this. Now that you’ve said it, it makes sense…”</p>
<p>                “Dare I ask?” Elora rolled her eyes and shifted the wine glass onto the table before wiping the last of her tears. “I’ve only ever heard stories about him and the ones that I’ve heard only explain a fraction of the missing pieces of my heritage.”</p>
<p>                “The sarcasm and the well-timed jokes—random bursts of Yiddish,” Amanda smirked and leaned back, letting the air out through the smallest gap between her lips. “Why would you feel like you had to keep that inside?”</p>
<p>                “He doesn’t know about me and I’m so afraid I’d shatter his life simply by existing,” Elora had a tear postured at the corner of her eye, perched to fall as she held a breath, contemplating what was ahead of her. “I nearly cost us this case because I am so broken and I damage everything I touch.”</p>
<p>                “Don’t you think you owe him the opportunity to let him decide if you’re worth knowing?” Amanda furrowed her brows and raised her voice a touch, the motherly tone taking over as she tilted her chin to one side. “What do you have to lose?”</p>
<p>                “Finally telling him that my mom never really tried to find him after the first time and add on the horrors that were attached to having me for a daughter might be enough to lose everything,” Elora leaned against her arm and tried to picture a moment of being held by her dad as though it were nothing more than an out of reach dream she’d never have. “I didn’t know if he’d want that—I just wanted to be someone worth being proud of. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”</p>
<p>                “You should give him the chance to know you,” Amanda continued, moving the glass back to Elora’s grasp as she elevated hers to take another sip. “If he sees even half of what we have? He’ll be more than gratified over knowing you’re a piece of him.”</p>
<p>                “I wish I had that kind of faith in myself,” Elora wiped a tear and let the thought swirl. “I don’t want to tell anyone yet…not until I can figure out how to tell him. You’re the only one that knows.”</p>
<p>                “Big weight to put on my shoulders,” Amanda sighed and admired the gentle sway of the old-fashioned lights on the balcony through the sliding window. “You know, this apartment is remarkable. Going to have to do a dinner night with all of the girls and gossip.”</p>
<p>                “I’d like that,” Elora tilted the glass and watched the liquid move for a long moment, the reality of her life set in. “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this but I’m going to do my best for their sake.”</p>
<p>                Amanda knew that struggle all too well and identified with it as she nodded slowly and let the air leave her lungs as she smiled in Elora’s direction, driving her point home. “You’re more than capable and you have a big family around you now that will always have your back. Start believing it.”</p>
<p>                As Elora felt the tightening in her chest begin to soften, her index moved along a pulse point and steadied the tapping to the same rhythm. She wanted to believe it with conviction. She wanted to let every word sink in and become gospel. The ache had grown and so had trepidation despite the warmth that had enfolded her so willingly. Elora needed the absolution, a self-delivered pardon, and the grip to loosen enough to breathe. It burrowed into her soul as she slid to her feet and lifted the empty glasses from the table, her eyebrows aimed toward the ceiling.</p>
<p>                “Will your sitter be pissed if you come back a little drunk?” Elora shrugged her shoulders, let a smile creep across her lips, and theorized another layer of her partnership with Amanda. “I can uncork a second bottle and you’ll just tell me when you’re tired of girl-talk. How does that sound?”</p>
<p>                “As long as I don’t wake up my girls, she won’t mind,” Amanda chuckled and reclined back, carefully crossing her leg across the other as she pressed her lips together. “I suppose you’d better open that second bottle.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Sometimes there’s no warning.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nothing at all.</em>
</p>
<p>-Michelle Paver</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Epilogue</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Monday, November 18th, 2019, 11:45 PM</p>
<p>Gapstow Bridge, Central Park</p>
<p>New York, NY</p>
<p> </p>
<p>                The heavy November rain bit at the stone surfaces, dotting along the exposed ground through the naked trees while the wind stirred through the darkened park. The tapping of frenetic droplets against aluminum and plastic was the only noise above the distant squeal of tires from traffic. The joggers had begun to taper off and the pigeons had stopped cooing as they clung to the remnants of shelter beneath trees, bushes, and the arch of the bridge. It was only temporary solace, though, as the first signs of a changing breeze kicked in and the rain tilted sideways, smacking against the surface of the pond with purpose. The clouds above gathered, billowed, and darkened as a swirling wind tugged at the loose leaves that had been holding on for dear life, sending them in every direction.</p>
<p>                A storm was coming.</p>
<p>                The wind came from the east and, with it, the bitterest chill bit in, signaling so much more than a building tempest.</p>
<p>                The remarkably quiet, strangely placid park scene was butting in defiance of the oncoming squall as the whistling sailed through the acreage. The lull continued, until a white, unmarked van with jagged scars down one side rolled to a stop at the center of Gapstow, idling as the back doors propped open. The sputtering of ailing exhaust and a radiator fan that had seen better days only mirrored the gnawing of the hinges as they whined while making a forceful swing out and open. A weighty bounce and a heave of muttering breaths, the huffing of condensation and steam from flaring nostrils as boots thudded against the stonework. Their large, beefy shadows glowed and shifted across the red, brake lights as they leaned in and out of the back end of the van.</p>
<p>                “Move,” the larger of the two men snarled and groped in the dark at the floorboards, grunting as his hands wound around thick, heavy plastic, dragging it toward the frigid night air. “You fuck this up and I’ll make sure there’s room for you in this goddamn bag.”</p>
<p>                “Keep giving attitude and I’ll just unload my clip in you, concentrating on that unimpressive twig and giggle berries,” His bundled cohort glared while guiding the heft toward the edge of the bridge, keeping his voice at an impressive lull. “I’m not the one talking loud enough to alert every bird, duck, or homeless person for a mile. That’s you, shit for brains.”</p>
<p>                “You know what we came here to do and if either of us attracts an audience before we have a chance to get the van out of here, it’ll be a problem,” The retort was snappy as they placed the object along the stonework and pressed their knees into the side for leverage. “If that happens,  I’ll fuckin’ kill you and leave you for dead.”</p>
<p>                “Leave no traces…well, except for him,” The shorter, thinner, heavily draped partner’s sarcastic tone was unfeeling next to the tapping against the plastic, reverberating against what lies beneath. “We don’t want that to go completely unseen.”</p>
<p>                “You’ve got a sick sense of humor, you son of a bitch,” They shared a mutual laugh and the huskier of the two paused after they shoved it over the edge, waiting for the splash. “Just the right amount of noise…”</p>
<p>                It was clinical. The rippling, swashing sound clashed against the spackling of rain as it found the surface of the pond. They didn’t stay to confirm that their delivery had stayed afloat nor did they fully assess the scenery as they slammed the back door and pulled forward, nearly squealing the tires in the process. No one was meant to drive along the inner walks aside from EMS, fire, or police but they’d pulled the bollards free, leaving them strewn across the grass. Discarded in the same fashion as what they’d sent over the side. They hadn’t noticed the woman seeking refuge beneath the bushes. They hadn’t heard her stirring in her makeshift camp even after making their drop.</p>
<p>                She’d watched the scenario unfold, ending as quickly as it had begun, and was able to make out the shapes of their silhouettes, absent the details of faces in the dark.</p>
<p>                “What in the…” The concern wasn’t for the inches of water that had been displaced into her dwindling belongings or the saturation that was across her only bedding as she pressed her weight against her palm, reaching into the abyss. “Maybe I…I need a stick.”</p>
<p>                “The hell are you doing, Sammy?” The teeth-chattering tone of another came from the path, muffled by a wobbly cart filled to the hilt with discarded items that someone else had determined, at one time or another, as nothing more than trash. “You’re going to fall in and catch your death. You know this city won’t be throwin’ you no damn funeral if you do.”</p>
<p>                Sammy had her tongue pressed against her cheek as she tilted her chin to look at him, the unfriendliness of time showing on her face as the lines on her face were highlighted by dust and dirt, amplifying her age and wisdom. “You know better than to sneak up on a woman alone, Vic…now that you’re here, though, get your ass down here and help me with this.”</p>
<p>                “Up to no good, are you?” Vic was older than Sammy but not by much and the zest for adventure had long left him even as he agreed to help her fish for the edge of the thick plastic from the surface of the pond. “Woman, you’re more trouble than Fifth Avenue after dark.”</p>
<p>                “I’ll forgive you for that fucked up little remark if you reach them long arms out there and give one of those corners a little tug for me,” Sammy was sifting through the dirt, beneath the shrubbery, looking for a long enough stick to accomplish the same task while Vic moved past her, a wisp of a grin hiding on his lips as he kicked a corner free from her run-down little hovel. “Bastard, I’ll knock the rest of those teeth out!”</p>
<p>                “You wouldn’t dare,” Vic knelt and cooed as both knees creaked, popped, and jostled over the pressure as they met the rocks at the shore’s edge before the tips of his fingers strained toward the black mass in the water. “Nobody out here can stand you but me and if you make me gummy…you’ll burn your last bridge, ole grump.”</p>
<p>                “Nobody likes you, either,” Sammy sassed him and swung an exceptionally large branch into the stillness, slapping the edge of the plastic just enough to move it closer, inch-by-careful-inch while the rain began to beat down from above. “Saw these two idiots toss it over and figured it might be worth something.”</p>
<p>                “Give me a damn second. You’re damn impatient,” Vic swatted at her and nearly took her out at the knees while she teetered beside his crouched posture, his grip waning as his fingertips dipped into the water before bobbing back up. “You make me fall and I’m gonna be real pissed, Sammy.”</p>
<p>                “I’m helping you,” Sammy boasted as another striking motion moved it closer, just far enough for Vic to coil his fingers around an edge. “See? You wouldn’t have been able to get that without me.”</p>
<p>                “Modest today, are you?” Vic grunted and heaved it onto the rocks, tearing a gaping hole along one edge, releasing a foul, pungent smell that neither of them wanted to experience. “Oh…that ain’t valuable, woman.”</p>
<p>                They recoiled and dropped it in a heap, the thud impressive as it snapped against jagged edges and settle into place. Sammy stumbled backward and swallowed hard as the sinking feeling crept in while Vic regained his footing, visually examining the shape until he could see the signs of what was inside. A hiss of air and a bloated hum puffed at the center as fluid drained at the gash in the plastic, dragging pond water and deep, crimson coagulation across the rocks. The men in the van had thrown a body from the bridge. Vic glanced at Sammy as reality crept in, as the already tenuous circumstances of their lives became even less stable, and exhaled a slow, labored breath.</p>
<p>                “Should’ve left it alone,” Sammy was digging her fingers into the dirt, anxiously trying not to inhale deeply as the stench of death wafted into the air. “Dammit.”</p>
<p>                “No turnin’ back now, Sammy. You just sit tight, though, I got this,” Vic stroked his chin and shook his head as he held up one finger at her before letting instincts of his former life kick in while kneeling to unzip the top of the body bag, revealing the mangled curve of a face, nostrils still flared. “It was a very bad day for this fella.”</p>
<p>                Features were impossible to make out aside from the locks of golden-brown hair, a prominent nose, and pale skin. The man’s eyes had been mangled, facial structure swollen, bruised, and misaligned like they’d stepped directly in front of a bus. Their jaw had been tugged completely from the socket on one side, pushing their lips away from a perfect closure and into a more warped pose. Vic held tight to the zipper, pulling it further until he’d shifted it past a dislocated shoulder, a broken collarbone, and sharpie across the chest. If Vic hadn’t known any better, he would’ve sworn that the man had fallen from a window. At least, he might’ve bought that if the single hole to the chest didn’t have the telltale stippling of being shot at close range.</p>
<p>                He’d certainly seen better days.</p>
<p>                “What does it say?” Sammy grasped Vic’s shoulder and held back the urge to vomit as she peered over him with a hand across her mouth.</p>
<p>                Vic let go of the zipper and rested on his haunches, the sigh audible as the black letters screamed at him in the dim. “Return me to Captain Elliot Stabler, NYPD.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quotes by:<br/>Unknown<br/>Amy Tan<br/>Daniel Harry Joseph Rothman, Dominic Ashley Ronald Major, &amp; Hannah Felicity May Reid<br/>YLD<br/>Michelle Paver</p>
<p>To Cate, Aubrey, and Maddy...the journey would not have happened without you three.</p>
<p>I know the epilogue is mean but it will lead the path to the third case. I hope everyone is still interested in this story and understands where this is going. I hope that the bombshells weren’t too much and that what comes next will be just as interesting.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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